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Do parents have a right to know their children's finances? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,

    Context: "single" parent since 2011, but house is paid for, all the bills paid for including electricity, insurance, gas, internet, tv either by my dad for my brother. Mum worked 25 hours a week in a childcare job until her hours were cut down as of 6 months ago.

    I contribute £200 per month for general expenses, which is pretty much just food to my mum.

    The problem has been that I forget to give the money on a specific date per month. I genuinely forget and mean no malice. I just have a lot going on, and me taking money is the least of my worries. The money is paid every month, just not on the specific date.

    So today this happened.
    She asked do I want to contribute more, in a 'jokingly' way. I said no.
    Then she went on a rant as to why mothers should know their children's finances.
    I said that it doesn't matter if you're a parent, your finances are private and just not discussed.
    Bare in mind that £200 a month is 20% of my take home earnings, and I've only been on work for a year.

    What do you guys think?
    Do parents have a right to know about their children's finances?
    Was I in the wrong for saying no?

    Cheers
    If you're an adult and its your money, then no they don't have a right to know, but you should really be paying in on the same day every month
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    (Original post by elmosandy)
    Ah ok thank you.

    I realldy don't know anything about banks. Need to start :s
    Try exploring this to learn about how UK bank accounts work:

    https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.u...a-bank-account

    If you need any more help, I'm happy to but maybe start a new thread in 'Money and Finance' or we'll derail the OP's thread a bit.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by cherryred90s)
    If you're an adult and its your money, then no they don't have a right to know, but you should really be paying in on the same day every month
    Yes, this month I paid on the day specified.

    All good and I intend to follow through every month.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello.

    I'm 22 - one year in work after finishing uni.

    The only people in the house are me, my mum and my brother who is mid 20s.

    I will reiterate that my mum and dad are separated.

    My dad pays most of the bills as he feels thats his obligation

    There is no concern about a mortgage because my dad paid that off before they separated.

    My dad does not believe that I should even be contributing 200 quid a month, but its not a big deal.

    I agree that bills are obviously not free, but if my dad pays them, so if anything I should be contributing to my dad more in this situation.
    Agreed. If he wants to pay for everything it's his free choice and while this situation continues, it is your dad that should benefit from any increase in your contribution if you both decide on that in the future.

    In which case, it does sound as if your mum wants a bigger contribution for her own benefit as the drop in her own income will affect her lifestyle.

    As long as you are also pulling your weight with household chores, then if anything, you should be asking your mum where all the money goes!
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by uberteknik)
    Agreed. If he wants to pay for everything it's his free choice and while this situation continues, it is your dad that should benefit from any increase in your contribution if you both decide on that in the future.

    In which case, it does sound as if your mum wants a bigger contribution for her own benefit as the drop in her own income will affect her lifestyle.

    As long as you are also pulling your weight with household chores, then if anything, you should be asking your mum where all the money goes!
    I can see why my mum wants a greater contribution.

    My mum and dad blame each other for not moving out of our admittedly small house.

    My mums been living here for 25 years plus and she feels that as we're working we should magically afford to get a mortgage and sell our house and move to a better area

    Ive
    Been in work for a year, and my brother has been in work for 4-5.

    There is no way we can afford a mortgage and house and my mum feels aggrieved that shes brought us up and we re working yet we re still stuck here.

    I truly believe that she wants the money for food of course, but also for a
    Bigger deposit.

    This will mean that the mortgage we need will be smaller
    • #2
    #2

    Since I know quite a lot about my dad incomes and debts it's inevitable he will get to know my salary at some point. Anyways I have reasonable assurance my dad doesn't just burn up all the cash he gets, and the truth is most of the debt he piled up was for his kids' welfare, education and houses. Yep. He had the most nobelest of intentiions but couldn't execute them without backfiring. So my principles dictates I have to be there to help.

    So both my mum and dad knows how much I earn monthly. But they know less abt how much I'm saving and how much I'm earning off those savings. I don't think it's my parents' right to know any of that. And I'm already 25 and some of my friends have become parents at this age.

    So finally I xonclude hag i don't think should be held accountable to my parents as I used to be.... I'm all grown up now 😎😎😎😎😎😎😆😎
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah and this month I paid on time.

    Yes, I don't need to contribute anything else because my dad pays the electric, gas and insurance. My brother pays for tv, internet and stuff like that.

    My dad and brother are not the problem.
    My dad thinks that I shouldn't be contributing at all.



    Read above.
    You are an adult.
    You are earning.
    Its not unreasonablae for your mum to expect you to contribute beyond your food o.e nominal rent if she so wishes.

    Paying on time for 1 month doesnt win you a medal. She doesnt have a right to know your salary or finances (she can guess), but its not unreasonable if she wants notional rent money. Thats up to you to sort out with her or move out and get your own place.
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    I don't have breakfast and lunch at home.

    And i definitely do have £50 quid a week for dinner I tell you that much.

    I just wish that I could have a conversation without my mum reverting to notions of respect and raising you as a child, and this is what I get back.

    Far too much emotion and not enough rational thoughts.

    Bottomline - if she needed the money I'd give it. My dad is paying for most of the bills. The remainder is paid by my brother. I am lucky that I get to live in the house as Im over 18 and strictly do not have to be cared for.

    However, short term loss for long term gain. If I got kicked out then you can't expect me to contribute anything surely.

    Ive just started work, im at the bottom of the career ladder.

    I cannot expect to give a shedload of my earnings working a normal full time job when its simply not needed.


    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You are an adult.
    You are earning.
    Its not unreasonablae for your mum to expect you to contribute beyond your food o.e nominal rent if she so wishes.

    Paying on time for 1 month doesnt win you a medal. She doesnt have a right to know your salary or finances (she can guess), but its not unreasonable if she wants notional rent money. Thats up to you to sort out with her or move out and get your own place.
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    #1

    * definitely dont have 50quid a week on food, probs 20 max
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't have breakfast and lunch at home.

    And i definitely do have £50 quid a week for dinner I tell you that much.

    I just wish that I could have a conversation without my mum reverting to notions of respect and raising you as a child, and this is what I get back.

    Far too much emotion and not enough rational thoughts.

    Bottomline - if she needed the money I'd give it. My dad is paying for most of the bills. The remainder is paid by my brother. I am lucky that I get to live in the house as Im over 18 and strictly do not have to be cared for.

    However, short term loss for long term gain. If I got kicked out then you can't expect me to contribute anything surely.

    Ive just started work, im at the bottom of the career ladder.

    I cannot expect to give a shedload of my earnings working a normal full time job when its simply not needed.

    They are your parents not mine. tell her she is emotional and irrational if you think thats your argument.

    I said iif you went and found your own place then, nope you wouldnt have to contribute and would be responsible for paying your own bills.
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    (Original post by Reality Check)
    Try exploring this to learn about how UK bank accounts work:

    https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.u...a-bank-account

    If you need any more help, I'm happy to but maybe start a new thread in 'Money and Finance' or we'll derail the OP's thread a bit.
    Aw thankyou!

    Yes I will do thAt, thanks again!
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    Your parents don't have any right to see what happens to your money if you earned it yourself, if it's pocket money/allowance/savings they gave you then that's a different story and they have some right to know how you're spending it but that's not the case here.

    That said, if you're contributing to the house you do need to make sure yo're reliable or your mum is going to question you. And don't be ungrateful - I was earning £1000ish per month until recently and between rent and bills I was paying out £400-450 a month easily (and that's not including food... including food more like £550-600) so you've got a really good deal going on there. The price you pay for that is your mum still wants to have a little control over your life.
    • #3
    #3

    My mother still has full access of my bank account...

    I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. I only recently started to work (about a year ago), she has always given me all the money I needed to have a decent life till I started to work (I was 24). She needed that control to give me the money. She stills puts money on it when she sees I have a difficult month. It wouldn't be right to tell her I want my bank account to be private.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by doodle_333)
    Your parents don't have any right to see what happens to your money if you earned it yourself, if it's pocket money/allowance/savings they gave you then that's a different story and they have some right to know how you're spending it but that's not the case here.

    That said, if you're contributing to the house you do need to make sure yo're reliable or your mum is going to question you. And don't be ungrateful - I was earning £1000ish per month until recently and between rent and bills I was paying out £400-450 a month easily (and that's not including food... including food more like £550-600) so you've got a really good deal going on there. The price you pay for that is your mum still wants to have a little control over your life.
    Its just a question of being reliable.

    Even then, it hardly needs to be paid on a specific date because its only being used for food. We're not living cheque to cheque.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mother still has full access of my bank account...

    I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. I only recently started to work (about a year ago), she has always given me all the money I needed to have a decent life till I started to work (I was 24). She needed that control to give me the money. She stills puts money on it when she sees I have a difficult month. It wouldn't be right to tell her I want my bank account to be private.
    What's a 'decent life'?
 
 
 
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