Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Help! I have a secret bf how do I tell my parents Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So
    I'm 19 my bf is 23 turning 24
    I'm in a secret relationship my family don't know anything about it
    Dating is strictly forbidden and is a general rule that we won't without my parents actually ever saying it
    My bfs family knows about me never met them though
    This is my first 'proper' relationship no ****ing about etc since he has told me he wants us to go far and well get married soon etc
    To add to the pickle we're of different religions! Also since he's my first idk how to tell my parents, also things are complicated between me and him I love him like mad but idk if it's real love not puppy love.
    We've been together 2 and a half years undercover me deleting our messages saving his contact in another name and meeting and sleeping together secretly etc.

    It's getting to the point where I have to tell my family or else my bf will leave me.
    Help
    What should I do
    Any ideas my parents would kill me if they found out so I need to tell them
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Let me get this straight.

    You're 19 and your boyfriend is almost 24 and you can't tell you parents that you're dating someone? There's no such thing as dating being "strictly forbidden", it's just isn't. You're living in a modern, liberal, Western society, not a medieval backwater. Your parents can't tell you whether or not you can or can not date. It's entirely up to you and what you want and feel, not their decision at all.

    There's no real issue in people being different religions - just ignore religion! Focus on yourself, your relationship, your life and what you want and need, not antiquated principles of some backwards religion or your parents.

    Period.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    But I'm afraid of a reaction
    I don't want to lose my family or be disowned I'm afraid it could get physical
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Don't tell them. I only found out last week my cousin used to date An Irish Rugby flanker - Stephen Ferris - but then I learned of a conflict of interest because they are in the armed services and I was always wondering why the rugby coaches were picking on the poor kid who is the same size as a lot of rugby players by naturally being told to go out loads lol so I got really pissed off. I'll not speak to them much now. You might want to consider a similar situation as above could happen.
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Are your parents Muslim? :holmes:
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I'm afraid of a reaction
    I don't want to lose my family or be disowned I'm afraid it could get physical
    Disowned? Get physical? What is it, 1250? What in the world are you talking about? You are living in a modern, Western society! You have rights, legal protections! Ignore your antiquated religious upbringing and focus on the facts.

    What is a family? It's not just people you're related to - it's a group of people who loves you, supports you, helps you and is there for you. If your family can't be that for you, then they're not much of a family. In that case, you shouldn't feel at all bad about leaving them behind.

    Please seek some sort of help. There are people who can aid you in your situation. Your life isn't some religion or your seemingly abusive family. Please move on from that. Best of luck.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Are you South Asian/other strict ethnic minority?
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I'm guessing you are of South Asian descent brought up in a Muslim household. If so, eventually your parents will find out, regardless if you tell them or not. It's up to you, you can either tell them, wait for their reaction but it isn't going to go down well. You need to consider, do you love your boyfriend enough to envision a future as you may need to think about the possibility of moving away from home.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm not a muslim
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not a muslim
    What are you then? Just saying, I don't know of any religion that puts more of a restriction on this sort of thing than Islam.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    What are you then? Just saying, I don't know of any religion that puts more of a restriction on this sort of thing than Islam.
    Maybe she's not Muslim but her parents are?
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    What are you then? Just saying, I don't know of any religion that puts more of a restriction on this sort of thing than Islam.
    (Original post by gabriellakhan)
    Maybe she's not Muslim but her parents are?
    Hindus and Sikhs are also strict about who their children marry. Some do feel ashamed if the children do not marry within the community, to a person of their liking.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by gabriellakhan)
    Maybe she's not Muslim but her parents are?
    Pretty much everyone who has asked about it has asked whether or not her parents or family are Muslim. Her response to that was "I'm not a Muslim" which I'm guessing was meant as "No, we're not"
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    u dont have to tell them its none of their business i have a bf but ive kept it a secret from my parents for a year otherwise if thye knew they;d be calling me all the time if i was with him and pestering me and wanting to meet him they also dont want me having sex
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm south Asian but my family are quite strict I'm expecting to get an arranged marriage etc
    My bf is a muslim but tbh thier probably the un most muslim family they do everything against Islam
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Try treading the waters by saying there's this guy you really like? See how they react to the idea of you dating someone first.

    Since your bf knows about the situation (I assume). If your parents want to meet him first " before you try dating" just go with that. I can't really suggest much else. They need to know, should've known already considering how long you've been dating.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm south Asian but my family are quite strict I'm expecting to get an arranged marriage etc
    My bf is a muslim but tbh thier probably the un most muslim family they do everything against Islam
    Are you Hindu or Sikh?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Get pregnant. That would be a nice surprise
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Eternalflames)
    Are you Hindu or Sikh?
    Sikh
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by The_Herbivore)
    Get pregnant. That would be a nice surprise
    Hahah dear god no
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 4, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.