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is this romance poem good? Watch

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    You are that glowing star,
    ever nourishing,
    for which I'm doomed
    to eternally find
    yet never meet.

    You are that yearning wolf,
    forever thirsting,
    purposefully devouring
    a prey I dream to be.

    I am that feint glow
    amongst the others
    shining, still, dying
    longing to be that silver
    beacon who gets
    so close to you.
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    Doesn't count if it doesn't rhyme.
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    (Original post by Cherub012)
    Doesn't count if it doesn't rhyme.
    new poets should avoid rhyming as it steals from the meaning
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    new poets should avoid rhyming as it steals from the meaning
    eh wit
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    (Original post by Faye__1996)
    eh wit
    • #1 rule: Show, don't tell. Detail is good, Abstraction is bad/cliche.
    • Rhyming: Distracts new poets from rule #1.

    advice from allpoetry.com
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    A bit dark though isn't it..?
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    (Original post by Marshall Taylor)
    A bit dark though isn't it..?
    i suppose so, but it sums up my feelings for someone perfectly. i seem to only be able to write sad romance, because that's all i experience.

    another one for another woman is:


    My words were sweet some time ago,
    which let me see your soul.
    Your hair was thick and eyes so bright
    that sin was not my goal.
    Our time would tell when best to yell
    my love for you in song.
    But the air got moist, withered my voice
    and sweetness turned to coal.
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    i suppose so, but it sums up my feelings for someone perfectly. i seem to only be able to write sad romance, because that's all i experience.

    another one for another woman is:



    My words were sweet some time ago,
    which let me see your soul.
    Your hair was thick and eyes so bright
    that sin was not my goal.
    Our time would tell when best to yell
    my love for you in song.
    But the air got moist, withered my voice
    and sweetness turned to coal.

    Maybe if you stopped having multi-women you'll end up with one that stays around?
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    No, it's not.

    But if you want to develop it, use the theme from the second verse. Wanting to be a prey devoured by someone is a metaphor that has potential.
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    Death spells and romantic poetry? Interesting combination
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    (Original post by chazwomaq)
    No, it's not.

    But if you want to develop it, use the theme from the second verse. Wanting to be a prey devoured by someone is a metaphor that has potential.
    so there is something good about it yet it's not good, why?

    (Original post by Marshall Taylor)
    Maybe if you stopped having multi-women you'll end up with one that stays around?
    good point, but i didn't "have" multiple women, just attracted to both
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    there was a young lady called Sally
    who found perfect love in an alley;
    her bower of bliss
    stank of garbage & piss
    but she found it was ideal to dally
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    pouring my heart out on tsr and just get trash thrown at me
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    so there is something good about it yet it's not good, why?
    There is nothing good about it to be honest. It's angsty teenage splurge. But hunting is perhaps a theme you could develop if you want to. For an example of a classic poem that uses it, check out Whoso List to Hunt by Wyatt.

    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    pouring my heart out on tsr and just get trash thrown at me
    You asked whether it was any good. You have to be prepared for all answers, not just the ones you want to hear.
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    You are that glowing star,
    ever nourishing,
    for which I'm doomed
    to eternally find
    yet never meet.

    You are that yearning wolf,
    forever thirsting,
    purposefully devouring
    a prey I dream to be.

    I am that feint glow
    amongst the others
    shining, still, dying
    longing to be that silver
    beacon who gets
    so close to you.
    Nice.
    Can I nick this please?
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    i seem to only be able to write sad romance, because that's all i experience.
    Oh dear. And it doesn't get any better pal...


    Back as once were
    Same room, same bed
    Two sights re-seen, two books re-read
    Two too full bellies too well fed

    Sharp of chin in flat of neck
    Knee fit snug in pit of knee
    Mouths both dry as triple sec
    My 2H become 3B

    She talks of who's stood in between
    A Jeff, a Dan, our shared friend Mark
    Too young, too self-possessed, too keen
    His car, her flat, their windswept park

    Back as once were
    Same room, same bed
    Hey, Stranger!
    But too well re-met



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    (Original post by chazwomaq)
    There is nothing good about it to be honest. It's angsty teenage splurge. But hunting is perhaps a theme you could develop if you want to. For an example of a classic poem that uses it, check out Whoso List to Hunt by Wyatt.



    You asked whether it was any good. You have to be prepared for all answers, not just the ones you want to hear.
    i don't take your criticism except telling me my hunting theme is good, so ty

    (Original post by cambio wechsel)
    Oh dear. And it doesn't get any better pal...
    What do you mean? My next poem or life.


    (Original post by cambio wechsel)
    Back as once were
    Same room, same bed
    Two sights re-seen, two books re-read
    Two too full bellies too well fed

    Sharp of chin in flat of neck
    Knee fit snug in pit of knee
    Mouths both dry as triple sec
    My 2H become 3B

    She talks of who's stood in between
    A Jeff, a Dan, our shared friend Mark
    Too young, too self-possessed, too keen
    His car, her flat, their windswept park

    Back as once were
    Same room, same bed
    Hey, Stranger!
    But too well re-met
    This is too abstract for me.
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    (Original post by Nunchuck-master-2334)
    Nice.
    Can I nick this please?
    What for?
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)

    This is too abstract for me.
    It's too concrete for me mate.
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    You are that glowing star,
    ever nourishing,
    for which I'm doomed
    to eternally find
    yet never meet.

    You are that yearning wolf,
    forever thirsting,
    purposefully devouring
    a prey I dream to be.

    I am that feint glow
    amongst the others
    shining, still, dying
    longing to be that silver
    beacon who gets
    so close to you.
    That is very good, even if without rhymes.

    (Original post by the bear)


    there was a young lady called Sally
    who found perfect love in an alley;
    her bower of bliss
    stank of garbage & piss
    but she found it was ideal to dally

    It looks like you have found a new corner to be creative, am I right?
 
 
 
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