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Giving up seats on the train - am I in the wrong? Watch

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    I will most likely get a kicking for posting this.

    When I travel on the train or other forms of public transport, I often don’t give up my seat for other people unless they need it more than I do.

    The reason for this is that I have a progressive condition that causes a lot of pain, weakness and fatigue. On my worse days, walking short distances can make the pain unbearable and can completely knock me out for the rest of the day and can affect me for a few days afterwards. I also feel sick and very lightheaded if this happens. Standing for long enough can have the same effects, too.

    If I’ve been lucky enough to get a seat on the Tube or the bus, I sometimes get death glares from other, usually older, passengers etc. I also look young for my age (I often get mistaken for 14 or 15 even though I’m actually 19) which doesn’t help. Recently when I was travelling on the Tube, these two older women got onto the carriage a few stops after me. It was packed and there were no seats left but I’d been lucky to get one. This guy sitting next to me gave up his seat for one of the women but I stayed sitting down. I got death glares from the two women afterwards for the rest of the time I was on the train.

    I actually feel pretty selfish and guilty when I can’t give up my seat for other people. This is why I wanted to ask: am I in the wrong here?
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    Would you give up your seat for an elderly woman or man?
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    Nah nah its all good fam, next time lift your legs up, kick back relax and take up 2 seats as well
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    (Original post by TimidPhoenix)
    I will most likely get a kicking for posting this.

    When I travel on the train or other forms of public transport, I often don’t give up my seat for other people unless they need it more than I do.

    The reason for this is that I have a progressive condition that causes a lot of pain, weakness and fatigue. On my worse days, walking short distances can make the pain unbearable and can completely knock me out for the rest of the day and can affect me for a few days afterwards. I also feel sick and very lightheaded if this happens. Standing for long enough can have the same effects, too.

    If I’ve been lucky enough to get a seat on the Tube or the bus, I sometimes get death glares from other, usually older, passengers etc. I also look young for my age (I often get mistaken for 14 or 15 even though I’m actually 19) which doesn’t help. Recently when I was travelling on the Tube, these two older women got onto the carriage a few stops after me. It was packed and there were no seats left but I’d been lucky to get one. This guy sitting next to me gave up his seat for one of the women but I stayed sitting down. I got death glares from the two women afterwards for the rest of the time I was on the train.

    I actually feel pretty selfish and guilty when I can’t give up my seat for other people. This is why I wanted to ask: am I in the wrong here?
    Nope its fine. Dont worry and ignore the glares. People are easy to ignore on the tube especially if you have headphones.

    Your dilemma (hidden illness) is currently being looked into.. They had a pilot scheme for blue badges as explained before. Dont feel guilty. I wouldnt.

    https://tfl.gov.uk/info-for/media/pr...-able-to-stand

    https://tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-o...t?intcmp=41947

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-37222554
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    (Original post by TimidPhoenix)
    I will most likely get a kicking for posting this.

    When I travel on the train or other forms of public transport, I often don’t give up my seat for other people unless they need it more than I do.

    The reason for this is that I have a progressive condition that causes a lot of pain, weakness and fatigue. On my worse days, walking short distances can make the pain unbearable and can completely knock me out for the rest of the day and can affect me for a few days afterwards. I also feel sick and very lightheaded if this happens. Standing for long enough can have the same effects, too.

    If I’ve been lucky enough to get a seat on the Tube or the bus, I sometimes get death glares from other, usually older, passengers etc. I also look young for my age (I often get mistaken for 14 or 15 even though I’m actually 19) which doesn’t help. Recently when I was travelling on the Tube, these two older women got onto the carriage a few stops after me. It was packed and there were no seats left but I’d been lucky to get one. This guy sitting next to me gave up his seat for one of the women but I stayed sitting down. I got death glares from the two women afterwards for the rest of the time I was on the train.

    I actually feel pretty selfish and guilty when I can’t give up my seat for other people. This is why I wanted to ask: am I in the wrong here?
    If you genuinely have a condition which prevents you from standing for long periods of time, then you shouldn't feel obliged to to stand, or prove that you have a good reason to sit. Ignore the glares.
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    You are not in the wrong but there are simple things you can do to allay any misunderstanding.

    If you really don't feel well enough (not simply using it for advantage) to give up your seat, all you need is to politely explain that you would gladly give up your seat, but that you are feeling very unwell with a long term condition and hope they don't mind and understand if you stayed sitting.

    The fact that you are courteous and polite is far more likely they will sympathise with you. Saying nothing leaves them to conclude that you are simply bad mannered, lazy and selfish.

    Spoiler:
    Show



    If that tactic fails, learn how to throw up at will. That will do the trick and you end up with half a carriage to yourself.


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    No you're not bad at all. There are plenty of seats on a tube and if you have a medical condition then you need to have one of those seats. Frankly you should be asking other people to stand up if there are no seats free. If you feel comfortable you could state 'I have a health condition and need to stay seated, perhaps someone else is able to stand'. I would guess that if you say that people will probably feel bad for judging you and stop after that.
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    https://tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-o...t?intcmp=41947




    If you live in london check this out
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    If they gave death glares I wouldn't feel too guilty.
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    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    Would you give up your seat for an elderly woman or man?
    Yes, I would.

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Nope its fine. Dont worry and ignore the glares. People are easy to ignore on the tube especially if you have headphones.

    Your dilemma (hidden illness) is currently being looked into.. They had a pilot scheme for blue badges as explained before. Dont feel guilty. I wouldnt.

    https://tfl.gov.uk/info-for/media/pr...-able-to-stand

    https://tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-o...t?intcmp=41947

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-37222554
    (Original post by STEMisSuperior.)
    https://tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-o...t?intcmp=41947




    If you live in london check this out
    Thanks, guys. I've been looking into this and it looks great. I'm hoping to get one of those.

    (Original post by uberteknik)
    You are not in the wrong but there are simple things you can do to allay any misunderstanding.

    If you really don't feel well enough (not simply using it for advantage) to give up your seat, all you need is to politely explain that you would gladly give up your seat, but that you are feeling very unwell with a long term condition and hope they don't mind and understand if you stayed sitting.

    The fact that you are courteous and polite is far more likely they will sympathise with you. Saying nothing leaves them to conclude that you are simply bad mannered, lazy and selfish.

    Spoiler:
    Show







    If that tactic fails, learn how to throw up at will. That will do the trick and you end up with half a carriage to yourself.






    (Original post by doodle_333)
    No you're not bad at all. There are plenty of seats on a tube and if you have a medical condition then you need to have one of those seats. Frankly you should be asking other people to stand up if there are no seats free. If you feel comfortable you could state 'I have a health condition and need to stay seated, perhaps someone else is able to stand'. I would guess that if you say that people will probably feel bad for judging you and stop after that.
    Thanks for this. I'm really, really shy so never really thought about perhaps informing them. I'll try and muster up the courage to tell them next time it happens.

    Spoiler:
    Show

    I do admit, the idea of vomiting at will and having half the carriage to myself sounds a hell of a lot more satisfying and less nerve wracking.


    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    If they gave death glares I wouldn't feel too guilty.
    (Original post by Reality Check)
    If you genuinely have a condition which prevents you from standing for long periods of time, then you shouldn't feel obliged to to stand, or prove that you have a good reason to sit. Ignore the glares.
    Thanks. I'll try to ignore the glares next time!
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    (Original post by TimidPhoenix)
    I will most likely get a kicking for posting this.

    When I travel on the train or other forms of public transport, I often don’t give up my seat for other people unless they need it more than I do.

    The reason for this is that I have a progressive condition that causes a lot of pain, weakness and fatigue. On my worse days, walking short distances can make the pain unbearable and can completely knock me out for the rest of the day and can affect me for a few days afterwards. I also feel sick and very lightheaded if this happens. Standing for long enough can have the same effects, too.

    If I’ve been lucky enough to get a seat on the Tube or the bus, I sometimes get death glares from other, usually older, passengers etc. I also look young for my age (I often get mistaken for 14 or 15 even though I’m actually 19) which doesn’t help. Recently when I was travelling on the Tube, these two older women got onto the carriage a few stops after me. It was packed and there were no seats left but I’d been lucky to get one. This guy sitting next to me gave up his seat for one of the women but I stayed sitting down. I got death glares from the two women afterwards for the rest of the time I was on the train.

    I actually feel pretty selfish and guilty when I can’t give up my seat for other people. This is why I wanted to ask: am I in the wrong here?
    You are definitley not in the wrong, you are just as in need of a seat and its unfortunate you've had people glaring at you. I frequently get sick and lightheaded standing up on the spot for too long and it can be worse on a moving vehicle so I won't give up my seat either unless I'm only going a couple of short stops. Thankfully no glares as of yet, although I do tend to hide behind a metro or evening standard most of the time.
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    People giving you death stares are in the wrong. Anyone who expects people to give up a seat for them doesn't deserve a seat imo. It's a privelage to have a seat offered to you, not a right lmao.

    Ask them what they're looking at next time someone stares at you lol.
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    (Original post by jelly1000)
    You are definitley not in the wrong, you are just as in need of a seat and its unfortunate you've had people glaring at you. I frequently get sick and lightheaded standing up on the spot for too long and it can be worse on a moving vehicle so I won't give up my seat either unless I'm only going a couple of short stops. Thankfully no glares as of yet, although I do tend to hide behind a metro or evening standard most of the time.
    Thanks. Yeah, I'll probably bring a comic or a book with me on the Tube next time and hide behind it. :lol: And it's good to know that you've not had any glares yet.

    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    People giving you death stares are in the wrong. Anyone who expects people to give up a seat for them doesn't deserve a seat imo. It's a privelage to have a seat offered to you, not a right lmao.

    Ask them what they're looking at next time someone stares at you lol.
    Yeah, I agree.

    I'm too shy to ask people what they're looking at if they're staring at me.
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    I would say pregnant women, people on crutches/slings/casts etc, disabled and elderly people (who aren't able to stand like the average younger person can) are the only people you should give up seats for (barring other exceptions I haven't thought of).

    When you say "older" women I don't know if you mean 40 or 80, but I don't see why you would need to give up your seat for a normal 40 year old woman.

    Plus you have your own requirements for a seat and maybe just could have explained that, but don't need to feel guilty.
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    I think if the old lady isn't polite enough to even ask for a seat, she doesn't deserve one anyway! You can't just stand and glare at people and expect to get what you want. Realistically, how are you to know she actually needs one? Some older people out there might actually feel embarrassed or offended if everyone automatically assumed they're unable to stand just because of how old they look.
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    (Original post by TimidPhoenix)
    The reason for this is that I have a progressive condition that causes a lot of pain, weakness and fatigue. On my worse days, walking short distances can make the pain unbearable and can completely knock me out for the rest of the day and can affect me for a few days afterwards. I also feel sick and very lightheaded if this happens. Standing for long enough can have the same effects, too.
    You need the seat more than they do anyway
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    (Original post by TimidPhoenix)
    I will most likely get a kicking for posting this.

    When I travel on the train or other forms of public transport, I often don’t give up my seat for other people unless they need it more than I do.

    The reason for this is that I have a progressive condition that causes a lot of pain, weakness and fatigue. On my worse days, walking short distances can make the pain unbearable and can completely knock me out for the rest of the day and can affect me for a few days afterwards. I also feel sick and very lightheaded if this happens. Standing for long enough can have the same effects, too.

    If I’ve been lucky enough to get a seat on the Tube or the bus, I sometimes get death glares from other, usually older, passengers etc. I also look young for my age (I often get mistaken for 14 or 15 even though I’m actually 19) which doesn’t help. Recently when I was travelling on the Tube, these two older women got onto the carriage a few stops after me. It was packed and there were no seats left but I’d been lucky to get one. This guy sitting next to me gave up his seat for one of the women but I stayed sitting down. I got death glares from the two women afterwards for the rest of the time I was on the train.

    I actually feel pretty selfish and guilty when I can’t give up my seat for other people. This is why I wanted to ask: am I in the wrong here?
    if you were sat in it it's your seat on a tube.
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    You have no reason to feel guilty - just because your reason isn't obvious, doesn't mean you can't have the seat seeing as you genuinely need it. Just ignore everyone else, people are so quick to judge and assume but you don't need justify yourself. And you're definitely not in the wrong, next time someone glares at you on the train, just completely blank them out - they aren't worth the time.

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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    You are not in the wrong but there are simple things you can do to allay any misunderstanding.

    If you really don't feel well enough (not simply using it for advantage) to give up your seat, all you need is to politely explain that you would gladly give up your seat, but that you are feeling very unwell with a long term condition and hope they don't mind and understand if you stayed sitting.

    The fact that you are courteous and polite is far more likely they will sympathise with you. Saying nothing leaves them to conclude that you are simply bad mannered, lazy and selfish.

    Spoiler:
    Show




    If that tactic fails, learn how to throw up at will. That will do the trick and you end up with half a carriage to yourself.



    repping you just for the spoiler
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    I tend to smile back if someone has the nerve to glare at me.

    I suffer from chronic pain in my shoulders, which is exacerbated by standing on the tube because it has too low of a ceiling so I can't actually stand up straight.

    Just smile and continue your day like nothing happened.
 
 
 
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