Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Friend drifting away Watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Ive known these two guys from seperate circles, and one of them I would class as a close friend as we told each other a lot, then after uni and now work we dont talk as much, we work in different jobs, I havent really heard from him much, as he says he's busy, but busy is bs, really as if you want to hang out with someone you will. I havent heard from him in a while, the last time he rang me was for money which upset me a little.


    However they smoke a lot of weed, which is kind of good to not be near, but I dont mind talking.

    Now my other friend its the same we would hang out a lot but now he doesnt, if I message him he's says he's busy. This has gone on for a while now. It is a bit sad, now he only contacted me to borrow some items, which was a bit selfish.

    What can you do ?
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    People grow older and grow apart . If you have had uni inbetween thats a lot of time apart . Ringing you up just for money isnt good. Get new friends imo. If you wnat to try and keep them then you will ahve to make the effort to engage and they might not be so keen.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by redleader1)
    Ive known these two guys from seperate circles, and one of them I would class as a close friend as we told each other a lot, then after uni and now work we dont talk as much, we work in different jobs, I havent really heard from him much, as he says he's busy, but busy is bs, really as if you want to hang out with someone you will. I havent heard from him in a while, the last time he rang me was for money which upset me a little.


    However they smoke a lot of weed, which is kind of good to not be near, but I dont mind talking.

    Now my other friend its the same we would hang out a lot but now he doesnt, if I message him he's says he's busy. This has gone on for a while now. It is a bit sad, now he only contacted me to borrow some items, which was a bit selfish.

    What can you do ?
    People chat so much BS about being busy. Agreed.

    If you want to make time for people, you will.

    If you set a time and place to meet your friends, without giving them the option to say 'oh I'm busy because of x' maybe you'll rekindle the friendship.

    Best of luck, friendo.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    It's natural for environmental factors to make it that much more difficult to stay close, but as you said, if they really wanted to keep the bond you had alive, then they would make time for you somehow.

    It is sad to see people change and do something you wouldn't imagine they'd do to hurt you. But just remember that some people are too lazy to be asked to be your life-long friend, and you should pity them for this. These people may genuinely have their hands full, and you may benefit from just popping-up once in a while to see if they're free (or like above poster said, playfully say 'you're not an excuse this time!' And see what they say.)
    They may not be bad people, but perhaps they aren't thinking about what they're actions are doing to make you feel (empathy's a great thing).

    While it may be hard to find someone else as close, you sound like a very sociable and easy-going person - just act as you normally would and see if you can find some other people. You never know who you may find round the corner, tomorrow or on your bus ride home. Strike up some casual conversation, compliment people, anything to take your mind off of them. They're not worth your time if they dismiss you due to work commitments. While it's hard to get rid of that history, just keep their numbers, the happy memories and as they say, 'Life goes on.'
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    People chat so much BS about being busy. Agreed.

    If you want to make time for people, you will.

    If you set a time and place to meet your friends, without giving them the option to say 'oh I'm busy because of x' maybe you'll rekindle the friendship.

    Best of luck, friendo.
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    People grow older and grow apart . If you have had uni inbetween thats a lot of time apart . Ringing you up just for money isnt good. Get new friends imo. If you wnat to try and keep them then you will ahve to make the effort to engage and they might not be so keen.

    It was different at uni, I didnt live out and I would still see them. But now its a different ball game, at uni your more busy with assignments. At work you do your shift, go home and your free.

    I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.


    Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by redleader1)
    It was different at uni, I didnt live out and I would still see them. But now its a different ball game, at uni your more busy with assignments. At work you do your shift, go home and your free.

    I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.


    Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
    hmmm

    I see.

    Well there's no harm in meeting new people!

    I would be open and try and make it work since you really do want to.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    hmmm

    I see.

    Well there's no harm in meeting new people!

    I would be open and try and make it work since you really do want to.
    Make what work the friendship ?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by redleader1)
    Make what work the friendship ?
    Yes.
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    (Original post by redleader1)
    It was different at uni, I didnt live out and I would still see them. But now its a different ball game, at uni your more busy with assignments. At work you do your shift, go home and your free.

    I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.


    Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
    Make the effort would be to arrange the opportunity to meet and do things. Cinema, drinks etc. If that means texting and he isnt interested then you can only try so many times and you have the answer. Move on and find some more friends as they arent interested.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    Yes.
    But I have tried, ive messaged them but there be like we're busy. This has occured over the last few months. There's nothing much I can do. If they dont want to come out.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Make the effort would be to arrange the opportunity to meet and do things. Cinema, drinks etc. If that means texting and he isnt interested then you can only try so many times and you have the answer. Move on and find some more friends as they arent interested.
    I have made effort thats the thing. Yeah moving on seems the better option, its sad as there's not many people around. But oh well what can you do.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 4, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.