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girlfriend problems, please help! Watch

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    Hey guys, I've been with my girlfriend 2 years now and we get along fine. We both are interested in the same things and do lots of things together. However she is always negative and always has something negative to say; she's also really clingy texting me all day everyday. When I say Il text her later she texts me within an hour and whenever were together we have to be right next to each other or cuddling. Also she's not as sexually adventurous as I am and finds most things other than missionary weird. She teases me about oral and then doesn't give any. Your probably thinking why not just leave if she's this bad? The problem is she has the exact same interests as me, she has the same life goals and is as eco crazy as me. I get along great with her parents and my parents get along great with her. I only feel like this half the time but when I do she drives me nuts. I've thought about sitting her down and talking to her but as soon as I try to be firm she starts crying and then I feel awful. She has an anxiety condition and don't know if she could cope without me. Also another nagging thing is she had a sexual partner before me but I didn't, I find myself more and more wanting a new sexual experience. I've thought about a one night stand but that's what broke up her last relationship and I couldn't bear to see her that upset.

    Please help!!!
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    (Original post by Madman21)
    She teases me about oral and then doesn't give any.
    lmao that's horrible.

    Good night sweet prince.
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    I understand you feel bad for considering leaving, especially considering her condition and how perfect she may seem for you.

    But unless you do manage to get these feelings out in the open, she'll never understand what's bugging you and what she can improve upon. I know you've tried, but start off with something along the lines of 'X. We are both adults here. Can we please have a mature conversation about us? Is that okay? We're still fine together and we're still perfect, but there's some things I just wanna get off of my chest?'

    If she manages to listen to you calmly, then see if she can understand where you're coming from. See if she would be willing just to keep the things you said in mind, so that you can both be as happy as you wanna be, ALL of the time. *Make sure that you ask her if there are any things about you that she thinks you could change? Prepare yourself for the worst - take it like a man; constructive critique, that's all it is. A DIY therapy-session for couples*

    Hopefully if you can manage to do this, things will get better between the two of you And if this doesn't work, perhaps call up a close friend of both of yours to sit down with you both when you decide to have the convo, just so that she has that support there if needed.
    (I think you should invite them over casually one night, and not hint at anything. After a meal-in, then perhaps you could sit down, the three of you, and get things sorted. Only if talking alone doesn't get anywhere though. No point asking her if she's okay with bringing someone else in, as it'll likely be a no. They're just there for support and for you to finally say what you wanna say - but of course, you don't have to mention everything like bedroom-wise 'n' stuff, if you don't wanna )

    Hope this helps! Let me know how it goes bro
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    If she's crying every time you try to have a conversation with her, that's basically emotional abuse. It doesn't matter if someone has anxiety, they shouldn't blackmail you into staying in the relationship with them. If you're unhappy, you should leave. I think you do need to start being firm with her, otherwise you're in this relationship to make just her happy, when it should be a two-way thing
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    (Original post by tasnim_ahmed)
    If she's crying every time you try to have a conversation with her, that's basically emotional abuse. It doesn't matter if someone has anxiety, they shouldn't blackmail you into staying in the relationship with them. If you're unhappy, you should leave. I think you do need to start being firm with her, otherwise you're in this relationship to make just her happy, when it should be a two-way thing
    Just remember it is a two-way relationship, and while she's benefiting from these common interests and personalities, you may have problems that she's not experiencing, and only gets upset as she thinks she has it so perfect. You both have to be equally happy for it to be a sustainable relationship.
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    (Original post by BrainyBengali)
    I understand you feel bad for considering leaving, especially considering her condition and how perfect she may seem for you.

    But unless you do manage to get these feelings out in the open, she'll never understand what's bugging you and what she can improve upon. I know you've tried, but start off with something along the lines of 'X. We are both adults here. Can we please have a mature conversation about us? Is that okay? We're still fine together and we're still perfect, but there's some things I just wanna get off of my chest?'

    If she manages to listen to you calmly, then see if she can understand where you're coming from. See if she would be willing just to keep the things you said in mind, so that you can both be as happy as you wanna be, ALL of the time. *Make sure that you ask her if there are any things about you that she thinks you could change? Prepare yourself for the worst - take it like a man; constructive critique, that's all it is. A DIY therapy-session for couples*

    Hopefully if you can manage to do this, things will get better between the two of you And if this doesn't work, perhaps call up a close friend of both of yours to sit down with you both when you decide to have the convo, just so that she has that support there if needed.
    (I think you should invite them over casually one night, and not hint at anything. After a meal-in, then perhaps you could sit down, the three of you, and get things sorted. Only if talking alone doesn't get anywhere though. No point asking her if she's okay with bringing someone else in, as it'll likely be a no. They're just there for support and for you to finally say what you wanna say - but of course, you don't have to mention everything like bedroom-wise 'n' stuff, if you don't wanna )

    Hope this helps! Let me know how it goes bro
    Thanks man, Il try what you said when her anxiety is a little better and let you know how it goes 😊
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    (Original post by BrainyBengali)
    Just remember it is a two-way relationship, and while she's benefiting from these common interests and personalities, you may have problems that she's not experiencing, and only gets upset as she thinks she has it so perfect. You both have to be equally happy for it to be a sustainable relationship.
    Yeah, I'm going to try the talking thing again when she's less anxious and see what happens. Problem is I don't think I could leave her if things don't change 😩
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    (Original post by Madman21)
    She teases me about oral and then doesn't give any.
    Please help!!!
    Damn son, reading that hurt me.

    But when she cries when you talk to her? You have to push through that, you cant just sweep problems under the rug, especially when your not happy with things.
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    (Original post by Madman21)
    Yeah, I'm going to try the talking thing again when she's less anxious and see what happens. Problem is I don't think I could leave her if things don't change 😩
    I get that - that feeling of guilt you may experience as you no longer are the one responsible for helping her handle, manage and hopefully get over her fear.
    But even if things still don't change and end up going back to normal, then perhaps counselling (talking to both sets of parents & close friends first) may be an option. Professional help may be what's needed to get through a rough patch if you really wanna fight for 'the special one' - It may seem kinda for 'old-married couple with problems' but it's an option out there, regardless on how old you are.

    Even if it isn't counselling, there are many relationship support groups and charities out there that I'm sure wouldn't mind a friendly chat or for you to drop a quick email. Just try and see what you can do all to salvage back how you felt when you first met her and potentially keep this bond going on for longer
    But at the end of the day, it's easiest if you can sort this out between yourselves; you'll both come out of it feeling you know a lot more about each other and much closer. :hugs:

    Now I just need me a gal-pal for myself so I can make a similar thread...
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    (Original post by Madman21)
    Hey guys, I've been with my girlfriend 2 years now and we get along fine. We both are interested in the same things and do lots of things together. However she is always negative and always has something negative to say; she's also really clingy texting me all day everyday. When I say Il text her later she texts me within an hour and whenever were together we have to be right next to each other or cuddling. Also she's not as sexually adventurous as I am and finds most things other than missionary weird. She teases me about oral and then doesn't give any. Your probably thinking why not just leave if she's this bad? The problem is she has the exact same interests as me, she has the same life goals and is as eco crazy as me. I get along great with her parents and my parents get along great with her. I only feel like this half the time but when I do she drives me nuts. I've thought about sitting her down and talking to her but as soon as I try to be firm she starts crying and then I feel awful. She has an anxiety condition and don't know if she could cope without me. Also another nagging thing is she had a sexual partner before me but I didn't, I find myself more and more wanting a new sexual experience. I've thought about a one night stand but that's what broke up her last relationship and I couldn't bear to see her that upset.

    Please help!!!
    man, i understand that it mihht be hard for you given her condition and your common interests, but you have to! think of yourself. do you actually love her? do you truly love and need her by your side? if you don't feel the bond, anything special (not just sharing interests, i mean actual feelings), you should consider ending it. maybe it's just me but i don't get how you could be with someone who doesn't even feel like your soulmate
    but if you feel like you're made for each other and you just have some problems with her, then, as people above has already said, talk to her. you seriously need to toughen up here and talk to her. and again, think about yourself as well. you want yourself to be happy after all, don't you?
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    (Original post by BrainyBengali)
    I get that - that feeling of guilt you may experience as you no longer are the one responsible for helping her handle, manage and hopefully get over her fear.
    But even if things still don't change and end up going back to normal, then perhaps counselling (talking to both sets of parents & close friends first) may be an option. Professional help may be what's needed to get through a rough patch if you really wanna fight for 'the special one' - It may seem kinda for 'old-married couple with problems' but it's an option out there, regardless on how old you are.

    Even if it isn't counselling, there are many relationship support groups and charities out there that I'm sure wouldn't mind a friendly chat or for you to drop a quick email. Just try and see what you can do all to salvage back how you felt when you first met her and potentially keep this bond going on for longer
    But at the end of the day, it's easiest if you can sort this out between yourselves; you'll both come out of it feeling you know a lot more about each other and much closer. :hugs:

    Now I just need me a gal-pal for myself so I can make a similar thread...
    haha 😆 thanks I will look at those options, hopefully it won't come to that
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    1. Please don't cheat on her or worry about your lack of sexual partners in comparison.
    2. I've been in a relationship almost identical to this and since have been a lot happier and am now with someone much less clingy and independent. Maybe starting fresh is the best way to go here...
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    (Original post by ragnarofk)
    man, i understand that it mihht be hard for you given her condition and your common interests, but you have to! think of yourself. do you actually love her? do you truly love and need her by your side? if you don't feel the bond, anything special (not just sharing interests, i mean actual feelings), you should consider ending it. maybe it's just me but i don't get how you could be with someone who doesn't even feel like your soulmate
    but if you feel like you're made for each other and you just have some problems with her, then, as people above has already said, talk to her. you seriously need to toughen up here and talk to her. and again, think about yourself as well. you want yourself to be happy after all, don't you?
    its really odd but sometimes I can't wait to see her then don't mind being cuddled up all the time and feel like she's the only one for me but the other half of the time I just want to stay away and she drives me up the wall with her negativity and clingyness 😩 I know if I left her it would smash me to pieces, I just can't deal with how she talks about people (negatively) when they're in the room or leads me on before stopping and going to sleep.
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    (Original post by Madman21)
    its really odd but sometimes I can't wait to see her then don't mind being cuddled up all the time and feel like she's the only one for me but the other half of the time I just want to stay away and she drives me up the wall with her negativity and clingyness 😩 I know if I left her it would smash me to pieces, I just can't deal with how she talks about people (negatively) when they're in the room or leads me on before stopping and going to sleep.

    she clearly has some problems with herself which she should work on. I'm kinda the clingy type of girlfriend and i would consider myself a bit negative, or at least i used to be but my boyfriend pointed it out to me, i started to notice how it makes us both feel and I just started working on that. that's what she needs, you have to explain to her how it's just unhealthy to be this negative and that you're not happy with it and would like her to change it if it's possible.
    about the teasing part - well, that just sucks. again i would just explain to her how annoying it is and hopefully she sees that it's just not a right thing to do to your boyfriend
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    So we had the talk and although she really didn't like it she agreed to stop being so clingy and depressing. Which for the most part she has; Il keep ya posted hopefully nothing more to tell
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    hello people, following on from my last message I need some advice. After the talk my gf stopped texting quite as much but these last few days she's been really bad and keeps bursting out crying. She says her anxiety is bad but I think after our talk she's scared I'm going to leave her, problem is she's twice as bad as she was before at the minute and is pushing me away. I want to point this out but I feel as though shed be even worse, I really like her but she is really starting to stress me out. Can someone give me some options? I need this to stop, don't get me wrong I've got bad anxiety too but she's starting to set it off.
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    I'd say first of all you really need to sit down and tell her how you feel. You can be firm but in a nice way - be sensitive especially as she has anxiety. Some girls become really clingy without even realising it and they just need to be told to step back a bit and she may be fine with that. Also tell her that you'd like to spice things up in the bedroom and see how she reacts to that.

    If after you've told her how you feel and she doesn't change anything then you have to think about your happiness. If staying with her in this same relationship makes you unhappy, it will ultimately make her unhappy too so if you cannot fix it, then maybe breaking up would be the best thing for the both of you.

    Hope you manage to work through it!
 
 
 
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