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****ing lost it today and possibly broke his mobile phone. Is my anger justified? Watch

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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    It's natural to get angry sometimes. Unless you are a robot... If this is 'violent' for you... God, you're not going to survive in the real word.
    If that is normal behaviour to you, it's you that isn't going to survive in the real world lol. You'l either get your head kicked in or a big criminal record if someone decides to take legal action.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    That's exactly why. I can't do all those things precisely because someone really messed me up. That was real violence. So you calling me violent, over one little incident just doesn't make any sense to me.
    Destroying someone's property is considered violent by most people. Sorry to hear about your past. Your past experiences have skewed your perceptions of what behaviour is considered the norm. However, the very fact you think your incident today was minor is proof that you don't see your behaviour as abnormal or a massive overreaction. That in itself is problematic.

    Also, I saw someone suggest counselling to you here. You seemed to dismiss it. It looks like you could do with learning some introspection and alternative behaviours. Your issues aren't going to go away by themselves. Taking medication might lessen the symptoms but that's all they can do. You're going to need much more help than that for past trauma. I hope you reconsider your thoughts about psychotherapy. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    He knows how I feel. About everything. He tolerates it. But he knows he can't do anything to help. I think he's getting really fed up, though.

    It's his house.

    You mean use his money to buy him a new phone. ...since I don't make any..

    I've done worse tbh.
    I think he has done a lot for you and him staying on the phone while eating, considering all the bad things you say you've done, is not even a big deal.

    Would you say he loves you?
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    It's really rude to sit on your phone when having dinner
    I would have probably started a row over it rather than flushed it down the toilet though, you can't do that to someone's property
    Mealtimes are sacred to me because I work long days and if he thought it was ok to leave me staring at him in silence while he scrolled through **** because I'm not interesting enough I would break up over that
    I think my boyfriend would break up with a girl over that too, it's basic etiquette


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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    If that is normal behaviour to you, it's you that isn't going to survive in the real world lol. You'l either get your head kicked in or a big criminal record if someone decides to take legal action.
    Never said it was 'normal'. I said I should've handled it better. All I'm trying to say is that there's a big difference between impulsively destroying minor property, and being truly violent towards a person.

    (Original post by habeas.corpus)
    Destroying someone's property is considered violent by most people. Sorry to hear about your past. Your past experiences have skewed your perceptions of what behaviour is considered the norm. However, fact you think your incident today was minor is proof that you don't see your behaviour as abnormal or a massive overreaction. That in itself is problematic.

    Also, I saw someone suggest counselling to you here. You seemed to dismiss it. It looks like you could do with learning some introspection and alternative behaviours. Your issues aren't going to go away by themselves.
    They are not going to go away no matter what I do. It would be a waste of time. As is everything.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    This wasn't the first time either, he's been doing this for the past 2 weeks or so, I've asked him to stop before, too, a number of times.
    so what made you think this time would be different? if he didn't care enough to stop before why would he care now?? you clearly expect too much from him.
    if its a problem talk to him about it and if he won't change then you either accept it or you leave him. but breaking his phone out of anger is just petty and pointless
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Never said it was 'normal'. I said I should've handled it better. All I'm trying to say is that there's a big difference between impulsively destroying minor property, and being truly violent towards a person.


    They are not going to go away no matter what I do. It would be a waste of time. As is everything.
    Violent behaviour is still violent behaviour. Of course there are worse forms. But destroying property is unacceptable. Destroying property is typical behaviour of emotionally unstable people with anger issues.

    I'd wager that a big reason why you are struggling so much with life is the fact you are avoiding therapy. That's a personal choice and no one can force you into that. But it's something which has helped so many people. Your trauma is never going to go away but therapy can help you cope better. Right now it sounds like you are living miserably. The main reasons why people avoid therapy is because they don't like opening up or because it's too much work. But in life, nothing worthwhile is easily earned. So many people expect to get better...and they wait and wait for a miracle. However, no such things exist.
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    (Original post by EC)
    I think he has done a lot for you and him staying on the phone while eating, considering all the bad things you say you've done, is not even a big deal.

    Would you say he loves you?
    Well, he's not exactly a saint, either.
    I don't know if he does. He says he does but sometimes I feel like it's just pity, not love. He knows I've nowhere else to go and all that.

    (Original post by epsilondelta)
    It's really rude to sit on your phone when having dinner
    I would have probably started a row over it rather than flushed it down the toilet though, you can't do that to someone's property
    Mealtimes are sacred to me because I work long days and if he thought it was ok to leave me staring at him in silence while he scrolled through **** because I'm not interesting enough I would break up over that
    I think my boyfriend would break up with a girl over that too, it's basic etiquette


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    We've had a few arguments about it. There was no improvement. Yeah, we probably should but I don't really want to.
    (Original post by yungaheartz)
    so what made you think this time would be different? if he didn't care enough to stop before why would he care now?? you clearly expect too much from him.
    if its a problem talk to him about it and if he won't change then you either accept it or you leave him. but breaking his phone out of anger is just petty and pointless
    Because it was pretty damn obvious how nice the food was today. I thought he'd appreciate it more lol
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    (Original post by habeas.corpus)
    Violent behaviour is still violent behaviour. Of course there are worse forms. But destroying property is unacceptable. Destroying property is typical behaviour of emotionally unstable people with anger issues.

    I'd wager that a big reason why you are struggling so much with life is the fact you are avoiding therapy. That's a personal choice and no one can force you into that. But it's something which has helped so many people. Your trauma is never going to go away but therapy can help you cope better. Right now it sounds like you are living miserably. The main reasons why people avoid therapy is because they don't like opening up or because it's too much work. But in life, nothing worthwhile is easily earned. So many people expect to get better...and they wait and wait for a miracle. However, no such things exist.
    Yep, that's exactly why. I know I will not be able to open up to any therapist. There's no way I'd talk to them about what messed me up etc. etc. so there is no point in seeing one.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Yep, that's exactly why. I know I will not be able to open up to any therapist. There's no way I'd talk to them about what messed me up etc. etc. so there is no point in seeing one.
    That makes me quite sad to hear because I suspect that you'll continue to struggle without something else. You know your meds aren't a panacea (otherwise you wouldn't be feeling like this). Tbh, in therapy you choose what you want to talk about. You can say as little or much as you like. If you don't want to talk about the past, then your therapist certainly won't press you about it. But it might help you to talk to someone about how you are feeling right now and ways to change your behaviour and thoughts, which are clearly affecting your daily life and relationships. Anyway, I hope you think more about your actions and the impact they might have on others. No one can help you unless you help yourself.
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    Lol, I'd probably have done the same thing.
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    Honey, if he did that to me his ass would be dumped. Forget the phone, you'd be lucky if he wants to see you again after that
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Well, he's not exactly a saint, either.
    I don't know if he does. He says he does but sometimes I feel like it's just pity, not love. He knows I've nowhere else to go and all that
    You have to be in control of your own life and take care of yourself because nobody else will.
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    (Original post by EC)
    You have to be in control of your own life and take care of yourself because nobody else will.
    Preach sister!
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    (Original post by habeas.corpus)
    That makes me quite sad to hear because I suspect that you'll continue to struggle without something else. You know your meds aren't a panacea (otherwise you wouldn't be feeling like this). Tbh, in therapy you choose what you want to talk about. You can say as little or much as you like. If you don't want to talk about the past, then your therapist certainly won't press you about it. But it might help you to talk to someone about how you are feeling right now and ways to change your behaviour and thoughts, which are clearly affecting your daily life and relationships. Anyway, I hope you think more about your actions and the impact they might have on others. No one can help you unless you help yourself.
    Maybe I'll consider it in the future, there's no way I could do it now.
    (Original post by ShannyMorrison)
    Honey, if he did that to me his ass would be dumped. Forget the phone, you'd be lucky if he wants to see you again after that
    Lol he doesn't really have much choice, considering we live together.
    (Original post by EC)
    You have to be in control of your own life and take care of yourself because nobody else will.
    I don't know how to. I'm too ****ing tired to do anything with my life, I just can't be bothered, I feel like it's all pointless anyway.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Lol he doesn't really have much choice, considering we live together.
    No, that's where you're wrong. I live with my partner but if he did that to me I'd simply pack my bags and go. I have friends, classmates and relatives and I'm sure he has them too, he had to have been talking to someone on Facebook in the first place.

    Also, you don't seem to understand just how juvenile what you did was. I'd say you have the problem (in this situation). Obviously he could have been more considerate but simply trying to grab his attention with conversation or asking him to have put his phone away would have sufficed.

    If the phone doesn't survive, it's your job to replace it according to social etiquette, I hope you know that.
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    (Original post by ShannyMorrison)
    No, that's where you're wrong. I live with my partner but if he did that to me I'd simply pack my bags and go. I have friends, classmates and relatives and I'm sure he has them too, he had to have been talking to someone on Facebook in the first place.

    Also, you don't seem to understand just how juvenile what you did was. I'd say you have the problem (in this situation). Obviously he could have been more considerate but simply trying to grab his attention with conversation or asking him to have put his phone away would have sufficed.

    If the phone doesn't survive, it's your job to replace it according to social etiquette, I hope you know that.
    I've asked him to stop. He didn't.
    Well, it doesn't matter, most people seem to think that he's the victim here. As usual.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    I've asked him to stop. He didn't.
    Well, it doesn't matter, most people seem to think that he's the victim here. As usual.
    Of course people do! You clearly have no outside perspective - you were violent, you were aggressive and you damaged his property. Why on earth would we jump to your aid?

    We'd feel more sorry for you had you gone the right way about it (i.e. posting 'My boyfriend doesn't listen to me, what should I do?'). Instead, you asked 'Is my anger justified'. Upon finding out it wasn't you feel victimised and are throwing your toys out the pram because you wont confront your emotional issues.
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    (Original post by ShannyMorrison)
    Of course people do! You clearly have no outside perspective - you were violent, you were aggressive and you damaged his property. Why on earth would we jump to your aid?

    We'd feel more sorry for you had you gone the right way about it (i.e. posting 'My boyfriend doesn't listen to me, what should I do?'). Instead, you asked 'Is my anger justified'. Upon finding out it wasn't you feel victimised and are throwing your toys out the pram because you wont confront your emotional issues.
    Yeah, because ignoring someone is so ****ing cool, and not hurtful at all.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Yeah, because ignoring someone is so ****ing cool, and not hurtful at all.
    The way you reacted was terrible. I think you genuinely need counselling, you're emotionally immature and are prone to irritability, irrational behaviour and violent/aggressive behaviour. If I'm ignored I don't flip my lid like a four year old not getting their own way. I ignore their behaviour, talk to them about it or ask someone who is good with relationship advice.

    I swear, you created this thread for attention and to play the victim card. Sorry dear, but it isn't going to go your way. This website has far too many rational people on it for that. Grow up, go to therapy and sort your damn life out.
 
 
 
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