Not sure how to interact with my new flatmates??

I recently moved into new accommodation (this is my first time living with people other than my family) and have been getting to know my flatmates. They seem pretty close, and have mentioned that they will be moving into a flat together next year. I am a pretty shy person and struggle with social anxiety, so with them always in the kitchen, I do struggle a bit even going in, as I am irrationally afraid of embarrassing myself.

Sometimes I find them in the kitchen chatting or watching the telly and will say hello and make some small talk, but after I'm done with whatever I went in the kitchen for, they're usually engaged in a different conversation or back to watching the telly. Sometimes I don't want to interrupt what they're doing so I just leave the kitchen quietly. I've only been at my new flat for about two weeks, but I am constantly worried that my flatmates might find this rude or find me unfriendly when I do this.

Should I have to announce when I'm leaving the room, or is it ok to just walk out, especially since they're engaged in something else? I'm just really worried they hate me already, or that I'm making them uncomfortable in some way. Would really appreciate some advice on speaking to my flatmates or how to deal with this my anxiety in front of a group of people. ):

Reply 1

doodle_333

19

If you're not engaged in conversation it would be pretty weird if you said 'I'm leaving now' but it would be friendly to say 'speak to your guys later' as you left. You should try and join in a little bit, it will make things feel far less awkward - it doesn't have to be in a big way but if you can sit on the sofa with them for a bit or eat dinner in the same room then people will involve you in the conversation.

Reply 2

mollyanne98

2

Original post by 1zxcvbnm1

I recently moved into new accommodation (this is my first time living with people other than my family) and have been getting to know my flatmates. They seem pretty close, and have mentioned that they will be moving into a flat together next year. I am a pretty shy person and struggle with social anxiety, so with them always in the kitchen, I do struggle a bit even going in, as I am irrationally afraid of embarrassing myself.

Sometimes I find them in the kitchen chatting or watching the telly and will say hello and make some small talk, but after I'm done with whatever I went in the kitchen for, they're usually engaged in a different conversation or back to watching the telly. Sometimes I don't want to interrupt what they're doing so I just leave the kitchen quietly. I've only been at my new flat for about two weeks, but I am constantly worried that my flatmates might find this rude or find me unfriendly when I do this.

Should I have to announce when I'm leaving the room, or is it ok to just walk out, especially since they're engaged in something else? I'm just really worried they hate me already, or that I'm making them uncomfortable in some way. Would really appreciate some advice on speaking to my flatmates or how to deal with this my anxiety in front of a group of people. ):

Hi,

I’m a first year at Derby, also living in halls. I completely understand how you feel, I’ve found the best way to overcome this problem is just to force yourself into the situation, even if you don’t talk much to them, just being around them more often can help make you feel more confident around people. Eventually, this will make it easier for you to talk to them without feeling anxious.

I wouldn’t worry about announcing when you leave the room, you wouldn’t do this at home so there’s no real need to do this at uni. Try to engage in whatever they’re all doing.

Also, try joining a society to make yourself meet new people as if you don’t fit in with your flatmates, you may be able to find other like-minded people at a society you’re interested in.

Hope this helps and let me know if there’s anything else you’re worried about,

Molly

Reply 3

kittycat668

9

Original post by 1zxcvbnm1

I recently moved into new accommodation (this is my first time living with people other than my family) and have been getting to know my flatmates. They seem pretty close, and have mentioned that they will be moving into a flat together next year. I am a pretty shy person and struggle with social anxiety, so with them always in the kitchen, I do struggle a bit even going in, as I am irrationally afraid of embarrassing myself.

Sometimes I find them in the kitchen chatting or watching the telly and will say hello and make some small talk, but after I'm done with whatever I went in the kitchen for, they're usually engaged in a different conversation or back to watching the telly. Sometimes I don't want to interrupt what they're doing so I just leave the kitchen quietly. I've only been at my new flat for about two weeks, but I am constantly worried that my flatmates might find this rude or find me unfriendly when I do this.

Should I have to announce when I'm leaving the room, or is it ok to just walk out, especially since they're engaged in something else? I'm just really worried they hate me already, or that I'm making them uncomfortable in some way. Would really appreciate some advice on speaking to my flatmates or how to deal with this my anxiety in front of a group of people. ):

I'm like this tbh. I have friends but I think they probably think I don't lol. I've made friends with people on my course, but my flat mates are the heavy kind of partying kind of people and I'm just not in that frame of mind. I also only quick with certain people like myself, who we can say totally absurd things to each other and just crack up without offending each other. I enjoy being alone and just watching films etc. I do talk to a few of them more than I expected to but I rarely see them since I just like to do stuff in my room and listen to music. Plus, they're always drunk. I too like to just go in the kitchen when it's quiet because sometimes I'm just not in that social mood and don't want to come across as rude. Tbh, I really don't care what they think of me. I do my bit around, I clean their dishes sometimes, I'm not a nuisance at all, just that quiet girl. Nothing wrong with it. Next year though I will definitely be living alone in my own flat because I just love being able to talk as loud, play my music with the door open, not have to worry about drunk flat mates stumbling through the door at stupid o'clock making noise on a lecture morning, piled dishes in the sink, empty bottles everywhere. All in all, it really doesn't matter if you don't talk to them much, if you don't cause a bother it's not an issue. Talk about your lectures for the day or what you'll do on holiday stuff like that. Not everyone is a confident tbh so don't let it get to you.

Not sure how to interact with my new flatmates??

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