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I like this guy, but not sure whether I should do anything about it... Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, definitely. I agree with you.

    I'll follow you later when I go on instagram.
    Good good haha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You and me both. They like to laugh like a pack of hyenas for no reason as well, very loudly during lectures sometimes, and that bitter guy keeps trying to make my friend feel uncomfortable and intimidate her. He's just an all-round phony and perv. I don't ever give that guy any attention even though he sometimes stares
    and sits close by, because he's still got issues with my friend even though she moved on long ago. It freaks me out a little tbh.

    It feels as if he wants to escape half the time I see him with them, and I would like to rescue him from that mess.
    Yeah they sound like chavs to be honest if that's not too stereotypical haha
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    #1

    (Original post by lukebailey023)
    Yeah they sound like chavs to be honest if that's not too stereotypical haha
    LOL. They probably do fall under the bracket of "chavs" even though they don't look like the typical ones. I guess I'm too middle-class to put up with clowns like them. I also remember my friend and I getting sworn at and insulted by some self-proclaimed posh "princess" girl at uni for simply talking in a shared study area. This girl claimed she was "better" than my friend. I just ignored that girl and didn't say anything to her because she wasn't worth responding to or taking seriously, but my friend put her in her place. I think that girl also likes the guy I like, and is under the impression he likes her as well just because he was politely holding the door open for her (it is common courtesy that everyone at uni does that for anyone who is behind them, so it's not a big deal) but it's clear to everyone else he doesn't care for her. It is a joke really. She is desperate to be popular and cool so she will act like she is on these guys' level, even though she clearly thinks she is above everyone. I won't miss any of these people once I graduate. I'm grateful for making good friends, otherwise it would be insufferable having to put up with the likes of some of these fools.
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    my goodness. for a finals student, you really know how to complicate matters. thought the whole point of graduating was to leave all complications aside?

    this
    really
    isn't
    that
    deep.

    i fear you've stared at the dude so much, for so long, that:

    1) remember those girls who approached him? you've got no way of knowing if any are Actually seeing him (even though they're below your supposed 'beauty' < another thing i take issue with. why are you acting so stuck up in this situation? who said that it's their beauty that makes him keep them around him? why does their beauty matter? they could be lovely people who don't judge others based on how they look for example); thus, anyone of them could actually be seeing him on the sly; after all, he's got no way of knowing that you're interested (yes. you did some eye-gymnastics together; but this isn't a night club. that means diddly squat here without an actual approach); therefore he's free to do as he wishes with his life. you mentioned he likes "girls approaching him" that is true of the male species. yes. hell, it's true of anyone (which is why you're making this thread and which is why most girls try and fail severely to hint at dudes in order to get the guys' attention.. then complain later, that guys are ****); so it's kind of hypocritical that you're bringing this up.

    2) you've concocted a whole past, present and future with all your staring that you've been doing, that when you Do eventually meet him; the reality of the situation/how you expect him to be/act would be far from what you expect. you did after all say (yes. i'm not quoting verbatim. this isn't an english exam): "he feels like he doesn't want to be with his friends just by the way he looks around them; and thus i would like to rescue him from them". who said that that was how he truly felt? did his friends? did he? are you suddenly a mind reader to be able to tell how he's feeling at all times? just from a glance?? (from your white van no less. seeing how much you stare at the dude)
    lastly, when you met him earlier (when your brain didn't decide he was bangable material) you said that he was 'kind and charasmatic' << all the same, you havn't actually spoken to him recently. you can only go on how you've seen him treat others in PUBLIC/a memory from first year. people change. therefore, you can't actually state with confidence that he is the way you expect him to be (behind closed doors for example). what this point is getting to, is that you've become a bit like the princess in the tower in shrek. waiting decades for a handsome prince, but unknowingly ending up with a guy that has a shrek-like personality. after all, if you havn't actually talked to him face-to-face to decide (recently) otherwise, who's to say that he isn't like shrek-personality wise?

    3) this post reeks of creepiness. the amount of "stariness" is toooo much for me to deal with here imo. either you move to this guy and get labelled a creep or ignore him, let him fall to be Yet another crush you were too shy to approach (and let him get on with his life) and still get labelled a creep.

    tldr: talk to the dude. you know nothing of anything regarding him otherwise.
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    I agree with suraj.poudel - just ask straight up or it'll never happen.

    If you feel too shy to jump forward and say 'do you want to grab a coffee with me?' could you maybe go with the good old 'I'm stuck on something, can you help me out?' seeing as you're on the same course? Maybe you could organise a class 'night out' (my class has a tooooon of those so it doesn't look out the ordinary at least for me). Again, if you have any mutual friends maybe you could casually ask if you know what they're doing for their birthday?

    In my circumstance, I liked a guy on a joinery course and I was studying business - we had nothing in common. No class night outs, no mutual friends and no coursework. So I asked a silly question about a dodgy shelf in my student accommodation (my room was a couple doors from his) and now we've been dating for nearly two years! Go with it dear, good luck
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    #1

    (Original post by theDanIdentity)
    my goodness. for a finals student, you really know how to complicate matters. thought the whole point of graduating was to leave all complications aside?

    this
    really
    isn't
    that
    deep.

    i fear you've stared at the dude so much, for so long, that:

    1) remember those girls who approached him? you've got no way of knowing if any are Actually seeing him (even though they're below your supposed 'beauty' < another thing i take issue with. why are you acting so stuck up in this situation? who said that it's their beauty that makes him keep them around him? why does their beauty matter? they could be lovely people who don't judge others based on how they look for example); thus, anyone of them could actually be seeing him on the sly; after all, he's got no way of knowing that you're interested (yes. you did some eye-gymnastics together; but this isn't a night club. that means diddly squat here without an actual approach); therefore he's free to do as he wishes with his life. you mentioned he likes "girls approaching him" that is true of the male species. yes. hell, it's true of anyone (which is why you're making this thread and which is why most girls try and fail severely to hint at dudes in order to get the guys' attention.. then complain later, that guys are ****); so it's kind of hypocritical that you're bringing this up.

    2) you've concocted a whole past, present and future with all your staring that you've been doing, that when you Do eventually meet him; the reality of the situation/how you expect him to be/act would be far from what you expect. you did after all say (yes. i'm not quoting verbatim. this isn't an english exam): "he feels like he doesn't want to be with his friends just by the way he looks around them; and thus i would like to rescue him from them". who said that that was how he truly felt? did his friends? did he? are you suddenly a mind reader to be able to tell how he's feeling at all times? just from a glance?? (from your white van no less. seeing how much you stare at the dude)
    lastly, when you met him earlier (when your brain didn't decide he was bangable material) you said that he was 'kind and charasmatic' << all the same, you havn't actually spoken to him recently. you can only go on how you've seen him treat others in PUBLIC/a memory from first year. people change. therefore, you can't actually state with confidence that he is the way you expect him to be (behind closed doors for example). what this point is getting to, is that you've become a bit like the princess in the tower in shrek. waiting decades for a handsome prince, but unknowingly ending up with a guy that has a shrek-like personality. after all, if you havn't actually talked to him face-to-face to decide (recently) otherwise, who's to say that he isn't like shrek-personality wise?

    3) this post reeks of creepiness. the amount of "stariness" is toooo much for me to deal with here imo. either you move to this guy and get labelled a creep or ignore him, let him fall to be Yet another crush you were too shy to approach (and let him get on with his life) and still get labelled a creep.

    tldr: talk to the dude. you know nothing of anything regarding him otherwise.
    I can't help the way I feel. Either way whatever happens, I will get over it eventually. It's not the end of the world.

    1. I think you entirely misinterpreted and misunderstood the context and the points I made there, but I'm not here to justify myself to you or clarify the situation because clearly you're going to believe what you want. I'll just say that I know I'm not a shallow person and I didn't speak ill of or judge anyone negatively based on their appearance. I wasn't propping myself up here, but it is pretty evident from the way he stares that he is attracted to me and he has not shown an ounce of that level of attention or attraction towards any other girl regardless of whether they approached/talked to him or not. Here you are accusing me for not having the full facts, even though you have less basis for your judgements. You know nothing about me, him, or anything else other than what I posted on here, so I don't know why you're acting high and mighty like you somehow know any better than me. I don't see the relevance of bringing up that generalisation about women, especially since I didn't complain about him being *****y for not approaching me. From personal experience, I understand that it isn't easy, so no I'm not being hypocritical. I was just sharing my experiences, and asking for advice. Simple as. I didn't ask for your misguided perceptions, but here we are.

    2. I don't have false high expectations of him or put him on a pedestal, even though it might seem like it to you. If I thought it would be a walk in the park, then I wouldn't have any reservations and doubts. However, I know things and life are not that simple. Oh please, I may be attracted to the guy but my brain doesn't operate like that. "Bangeable material". LMAO. What a joke. Don't project your way of thinking onto me, please. I never stated I could read his mind, but it is pretty clear from his body language and actual behaviour how he feels about them. It doesn't take a mind-reader or genius to figure out, just some astute observational skills. He appears to be more or less the same guy at the start from when I met him, just as I am. The only difference between now and then is how I feel about him. I honestly don't know how he felt for me back then and right now, and all I can base anything on is our past encounters and how he currently behaves towards me. Besides, I don't see much wrong with a Shrek-like personality either. At least, he is straightforward and generally his personality is better than Lord Farquaad and Prince Charming.

    3. It isn't strange or creepy, not to me or the guy in question. I guess I'm used to this dynamic by now, even with a former crush. I suppose it might be hard to understand if you've never been in this position before. You act like I'm stalking the guy or something, FFS. White van, please. It's a small place, and it's normal to acknowledge the presence of other people you come across. There is nothing wrong with being aware of your surroundings. I think it's also pretty standard to stare longer at someone you're attracted to as well, and I have stated previously that I do avert my gaze or not look at all sometimes, so it's not like my eyes are glued to him all the time. I concentrate intently during my lectures and seminars as well, so it's not like I'm focusing all my mental efforts on him. I also engage with my friends at uni too. You're only basing this solely on what I said in relation to the situation, but forget about all the other factors in my life. I do have other priorities and interests. Obviously this is not a cause for concern or anything since no one except for the both of us is aware of the fact. It's our little private thing. You're insinuating that I am being intrusive by staring so much, yet you act like he doesn't really reciprocate or doesn't stare as much. The double standards here are unreal. More often than not, I catch him staring at me and I stare back in return and hold his gaze. It's me who ends up looking away shyly and breaks off the eye contact. You act like staring at someone is a crime or something, but neither of us is complaining or unhappy about it, so I'm not sure what your problem is. It's not exactly any of your business, and who are you to classify what is "creepy"? You need to get off your high horse and stop being so judgemental about matters that you clearly don't understand and quite frankly don't concern you.

    P.S. I'm not interfering with or impeding his life in anyway whatsoever, so I don't like the suggestion about me moving on and allowing him to "get on with his life".

    How much do we really know about anyone? Regardless of whether I talk to him or not, it might not make much difference in regards to what I may know about him. You can "know" someone your whole life, live with them, etc., and they turn out to be a completely different person. There is no guarantee that people will be truthful, thus you have to take some things at face value and use your own judgement wisely and learn to trust your intuition.

    I have to say I don't like your tone, but you made me more determined to talk to him, so not exactly a bad thing.
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    #1

    (Original post by ShannyMorrison)
    I agree with suraj.poudel - just ask straight up or it'll never happen.

    If you feel too shy to jump forward and say 'do you want to grab a coffee with me?' could you maybe go with the good old 'I'm stuck on something, can you help me out?' seeing as you're on the same course? Maybe you could organise a class 'night out' (my class has a tooooon of those so it doesn't look out the ordinary at least for me). Again, if you have any mutual friends maybe you could casually ask if you know what they're doing for their birthday?

    In my circumstance, I liked a guy on a joinery course and I was studying business - we had nothing in common. No class night outs, no mutual friends and no coursework. So I asked a silly question about a dodgy shelf in my student accommodation (my room was a couple doors from his) and now we've been dating for nearly two years! Go with it dear, good luck
    Thank you for your advice. I think you're right.

    That could work, but I have to think about the thing I need help with. We did have a mutual friend, but not anymore unfortunately. We don't have class nights out either, but maybe I could suggest a relevant trip or something to the course reps and leaders. It would be good for everyone considering it's our last year together.

    That's a lovely story, thanks for sharing. It's interesting and nice to see how making effort via a small step can result into something worthwhile. I guess it has to start from somewhere. Thank you for the nudge of support. I needed that
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    It's a shame about the mutual friend thing but I honestly think that suggesting a relevant trip would be a great idea - remember to give us an update, make those last few months count!
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    (Original post by ShannyMorrison)
    It's a shame about the mutual friend thing but I honestly think that suggesting a relevant trip would be a great idea - remember to give us an update, make those last few months count!
    Yeah, it is a shame because she is my best friend at uni but the drama with one of his friends (I use the term loosely) made it awkward for her to talk to anyone he remotely associates himself with. :/ I'll try to get a trip sorted - I think it's a brilliant idea. It sounds like a lovely way to finish the year off too. I'll find a way to make it work somehow. I'll come up with a few plans, and will definitely update you with what happens. With each passing moment since posting this thread, I feel more confident and less nervous so that's a good thing. I think the support from all of you make it easier to deal with. I have found a reason as such to talk to him. I think I'm going to email him today, asking for his insight about how to tackle an assignment, and take it from there and see what happens. I was close to talking to him again, but obviously I couldn't as I was being escorted immediately by my father. LOL. There always seems to be something in the way, but via email there shouldn't be any distractions from outside people. I hope he checks his uni email regularly though. I noticed he tends to spend a lot more time by himself lately just hanging outside the uni, which makes me curious too since practically everyone else was working on the assignment in the library (myself included).I was really tempted to query him about it in a joking fashion, but didn't get the chance. I'll let him know that I am interested to hear his take on things when asking for help, and ask how the groupwork assignment is going for him at the same time. It'll show that I value his opinion, well that's the purpose anyway while making small talk. If it goes well, then I'll ask him to do me another favour that I need (to complete my dissertation survey) and see if he responds positively and hopefully continue the conversation. It's baby steps, but I think it'll make it easier to talk to him in real life and/or it might put him more at ease to approach me since we could just pick up where we last left off. We'll see how it all goes down though. I like your attitude. I have a few months left so I might as well work hard on my studies and gradually work on developing my confidence in talking to people in general, especially him. My people skills are getting better just through sheer practice - I just have to translate it to the point that I can actually strike up a normal conversation with him without worrying about it and overthinking it beforehand. It's going to be a challenge, but it'll be worth it for the experience alone. Thanks again for your help and support - it means the world to me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    I'll try to keep it brief, but knowing me it won't be so stay tuned. Here is the story:

    I started seeing a guy on my course in a different light about 2 years into the course. Something just clicked, and I found myself incredibly attracted and drawn to him. I guess it takes me time to realise these things, but still it seems random to me. I don't really understand how or why, but honestly practically each time he walks through the door or I catch a glimpse of him, it elicits an immense feeling and reaction of shock/fear which sometimes shows on my face. It's really awkward, because sometimes I end up frowning/widening my eyes. There are times when we will stare at each other and maintain eye contact for seconds, but other times, I avoid it completely or look away sooner because I feel overwhelmed or it is momentary as I'm no longer in the area/proximity that he is in. He avoids looking at me at other times as well, maybe because he thinks it makes me feel awkward/uncomfortable at times based on my reaction. The whole thing is strange, but I do like the thrill I feel from it. I also like seeing the soft look in his eyes, but maybe I'm misinterpreting it.

    Anyway, I will provide some context. In the first couple of years, where I didn't see him as anything more than some guy on the same course as him just like the rest of them, I did want to be friends with him as he seemed like an easy-going, cool guy based on what I've observed and our conversation/partner work during one of the first days of uni. Also, anytime we were in a group of four or five, let's say, and I made an occasional contribution, he would respond as if he wanted to make conversation or engage with me and encourage it rather than dismiss or question my ideas or suggestions like a so-called friend who tried to undermine me. I also recall that he sat next to me for a lecture once, but I presume that was because there was lack of seating elsewhere. He usually likes to sit behind me, but I like to sit at the front and he likes to sit at the back, so it's a given that would happen. It's just that I can sense him staring at/observing me from a distance.

    However, we haven't spoken outside of lecture or seminar setting. I guess either of us don't know how to really start that conversation, or have the guts to approach the other. Another issue is that it might also seem random and our friends might judge us, question or make comments about it, which I doubt either of want or need. He is friends with a group of guys, and I'm friends with a group of girls. Let's just say there is underlying drama and tension between a couple of members of both of our friendship groups who used to like each other, conversed a bit, and then things went south because the guy blabbed to everyone and made it awkward. I'm not excusing my cowardice, but I have never once approached someone - male or female - in attempts of befriending them or anything more. I'm fine once it's past that stage, but I'm still always going to be more introverted, reserved, and shy compared to the average person. For this reason alone, it annoys me when guys expect me or other girls to approach them, and if it doesn't happen, then there must be something wrong with me and I didn't pass their test of being "worthy".

    Anyway, I would like some insight and advice on what to do. Obviously, we both are busy with our studies especially as it's our final year but because of that, time is running out. I don't know what I should do. I haven't told any of my past crushes how I felt, but that's because I knew it wouldn't be feasible and they turned out to be untrustworthy, so I had reason to be cautious and I don't regret it. I've had practically the same dynamic with all my crushes where we would stare at each other a lot with minimal/occasional contact. I've had the impression they did like me, but they felt rejected because I wasn't a desperate sycophant of theirs. With this current guy, I feel I can trust him and that maybe we could have a future but obviously I would have to get to know him and befriend him before there is further progression of anything serious. He seems different to all the guys at uni (in a good way), and I'd like to have the opportunity to find out more about him but I'm not sure how to go about it. It might be a bit much or out of the blue to approach him in real life, and tbh, there is barely any opportunity or context to do so. I was thinking about emailing him, but then again there is the issue of what to say and whether I should remain anonymous or not. He might guess it's me anyway, based on what I say. Although, I'm worried he might think I'm a coward or weirdo, but he probably thinks the latter at least anyway. LOL. As you can see, I'm confused about how to the approach the situation. Usually, I would leave it the way it is and once the course is over, the whole thing would be over and forgotten about. However, I'd like to think I've grown as a young adult and would like to take a chance/risk here.

    Any advice or insight into anything mentioned above would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
    Girl, I feel you. I've had crushes but I never tell them. I make random excuses like, they aren't interested in me or they're porbably already in a relationship. I think I might be a little egotistical and I don't feel like losing myself to someone else. But yeah, I should definitely try taking risks, maybe when I start uni or something.
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    (Original post by k_popper)
    Girl, I feel you. I've had crushes but I never tell them. I make random excuses like, they aren't interested in me or they're porbably already in a relationship. I think I might be a little egotistical and I don't feel like losing myself to someone else. But yeah, I should definitely try taking risks, maybe when I start uni or something.
    I can definitely relate to that. It's a pride thing and not wanting to show weakness in case they don't feel the same way.

    I don't take risks enough, because I don't want to get hurt but we both should live a little. Life becomes boring and just a matter of existing otherwise. It is a matter of gaining experience - both positive and negative; and learning from it.

    Best of luck. I hope you find what you're looking for at uni or somewhere down the line.
 
 
 
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