Should I leave it?

Here's my attempt to summarise the story:

I'm male. One of my few female friends is considering going back with one of her ex-boyfriends who ditched her for another girl. I can't say I was thrilled about the idea, but here's the complication - I used to have a big thing for her, and after her sticking me in the "friend zone" and a few months of healing, my feelings still linger (although are reduced considerably).

I feel like I should tell her that I think she's being silly in going back with someone who so flagrantly endeavours to treat her like crap, yet on the phone the other day (although she claims he's changed), I just told her to do what makes her happy, as seeing her in a relationship (albeit one which I find repugnant due to his past actions) will make things easier for me in moving on.

It's a dichotomy really, and through the circumstances over which I was knocked back (she herself admitted that she "lead me on"), maybe a tiny part of me, my very slightly vindictive side, wants to see how their relationship pans out, and whether it works out or she just gets walked over again.

I guess there's some embitterment over the fact that I felt passed over for a guy she dated recently (even though she claims that wasn't true), and if she goes out with THIS guy, rationally thinking or not, I will naturally feel that someone who cheated on her is of greater worth than I am. Silly, I know, but meh, this is all quite daunting to me.

Anyway - do I tell her? Or just leave it, as seeing her with this guy will likely be the final nail in my feelings.

Thanks, and I hope this doesn't seem too ridiculous or confusing.

Reply 1

recneps

Hmm you need to try not to think about your own feelings for her, and do what you would do if she was "just a friend".

To be honest theres probably not a lot you can do if she really wants to be with this guy, other than be there as support for her when/if it goes wrong again. Be very careful if you try to tell her she's better off without him - in case she thinks you're just jealous.

Reply 2

asdasta

Well, we're very tight and VERY honest (in fact, she claims to be more honest with me than anyone, and vice versa), so I don't think she'd ever make such a claim.

Regardless of who he is, just by what he's done, I find him pretty dislikable to be honest, and the majority of her family and friends, she claims, are going to be pretty pissed at her. At the same time, if she's taken then things are easier on me in moving on, but it will reinforce my own inferiority complex that I fear I may be developing (and view on women as a whole, irrational as it is).

Reply 3

perdedora

I feel like, and this is coming from someone who's always in the "friend zone" of the guys I like, that I personally would tell (it would be a him in my case) if I felt that way... I guess I feel like it depends on how much you value the friendship...
I guess what I'm saying is if you let her walk into getting hurt by this guy, and it comes out later that you felt that way and didn't try to protect her, even as a friend, it would probably be hurtful to her.
That's just my confusing two cents though, so I'm not sure. I've gotten to the point where I look the other way when he chooses something bad for himself knowing it's bad, and do my best to protect him when something else comes up that he might not see.
Sorry I couldn't be much help!

Reply 4

asdasta

I'm tempted to just make it a very fleeting, conversational remark when it next comes up, because if she takes him back and he hurts her again, I am well and truly going to be slamming my head against a brick wall.