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Does he have feelings for her? Should I be worried? Watch

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    Can some1 help me? Been together with my boyfriend for 5 years but for the first 6months it was rocky and he wasn't faithful and I retaliated by being unfaithful too. But after 6 months we agreed we wanted only each other and to put a stop to the stupid and hurtful games.
    We met abroad but recently returned home (from same area but met abroad as he is 11 years older than me) He's not insecure in the slightest. Doesn't get jealous and trusts me 100%. Me on the other hand am insecure get very jealous and panicked/ nervous if I see him or feel that he is getting close (not relationship sneaky close, just good mates making each other laugh and enjoying each others company a little too much close) to another girl or female friend.
    Since returning home he's rekindled old friendships. 1 in particular with a couple he went to school with.
    He's really close to the girl who he has known since school. She has kids and obviously a partner but her and my man have in the past had sex ( he tells me it was just the 1 time but I think it was more) he's always texting her. Talking bout her. Always goes round to see her. If we go round to their house, her and him leave me and the kids in another room. I hear them whispering giggling and laughing. Her partner seems oblivious but that's because he doesn't know they have slept together in the past so he suspects nothing and is clueless to what I know. He deletes her texts and personal messages. Denies conversations with her or that he's been round to see her. We have spoke about it and he just saysI'm paranoid and gets upset and says its going to ruin what we have. I've got drunk n briefly mentioned my concerns to her and she has quickly confirmed my concerns are completely unnecessary. What should I do. Does he fancy her? Should I be worried?he's been close to girls in the past but I've never felt this jealous or threatened. Should I be worried.
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    Break up. It's obvious they have something going on.
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    (Original post by blameitontiffany)
    Break up. It's obvious they have something going on.
    But I trust him with all my heart and my life. We are unbelievablyou good together. Never argue(not because 1 of us submits or gives in but because we always look after each other. Do things equally and fairly. If we do have a issue or problem or concern we talk about it accept each others opinion and issue, resolve it and happily move on strong as ever) he has reassured me continuesly that I have nothing to fear. I'm the only 1 for him and if if was to leave (he thinks I find him boring cos he's older and motor into the party scene and will probably leave him eventually for that reason ) he wouldn't know what to do without me.
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    Okay but why should he delete the texts if he doesn't feel guilty about texting them. Maybe I'm overthinking it but it does sound a bit dodgy. If he think his "friendship" with that lady is completely pure and innocent, he shouldn't feel the need to hide the fact that he's been texting her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I trust him with all my heart and my life. We are unbelievablyou good together. Never argue(not because 1 of us submits or gives in but because we always look after each other. Do things equally and fairly. If we do have a issue or problem or concern we talk about it accept each others opinion and issue, resolve it and happily move on strong as ever) he has reassured me continuesly that I have nothing to fear. I'm the only 1 for him and if if was to leave (he thinks I find him boring cos he's older and motor into the party scene and will probably leave him eventually for that reason ) he wouldn't know what to do without me.
    If you two are as good as you say and deal with issues as good why can't you deal with this one? What's the problem then? If you've told him and he's said there's nothing and she says there's nothing then either believe them and move on or if you are having trust issues then that's not good cuz then you'll keep overthinking and annoying him. Either just accept they are good friends and let him talk to her or just tell him you don't trust him talking to her and don't want him to 'maybe and see what happens?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I trust him with all my heart and my life. We are unbelievablyou good together. Never argue(not because 1 of us submits or gives in but because we always look after each other. Do things equally and fairly. If we do have a issue or problem or concern we talk about it accept each others opinion and issue, resolve it and happily move on strong as ever) he has reassured me continuesly that I have nothing to fear. I'm the only 1 for him and if if was to leave (he thinks I find him boring cos he's older and motor into the party scene and will probably leave him eventually for that reason ) he wouldn't know what to do without me.
    The fact you are asking suggests you don't trust him.
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    (Original post by Amina190)
    If you two are as good as you say and deal with issues as good why can't you deal with this one? What's the problem then? If you've told him and he's said there's nothing and she says there's nothing then either believe them and move on or if you are having trust issues then that's not good cuz then you'll keep overthinking and annoying him. Either just accept they are good friends and let him talk to her or just tell him you don't trust him talking to her and don't want him to 'maybe and see what happens?
    because iv mentioned several times and we have spoke about it but I just can't seem to move on from it. Don't know why. And I know he texts her and her partner for certain reasons and that he deletes the messages because we don't want people to accidently see what we are texting them for ( I'm sure u can imagine what the reason for this is) but when we are not texting them for that reason he still deletes the messages and that's what worries me. We are really good together and he understands my jealousy and insecurity issues and supports me as much as he can but unfortunately it's not always enough and I don't even let him know half the deranged thoughts I have. He would be scared if he knew. Leaving him is not an option. I can't live without him. If I could I would of left him in those first rocky torturous months.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    The fact you are asking suggests you don't trust him.
    I suffer from depression, paranoia anxiety and jealousy
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    Wow. Well, from the way you've described it here I'd be concerned about his intentions with his 'friend'. I am not a jealous type and I see red flags deleting messages and especially if they leave you in one room to watch the kids while they go into another. Nope, not okay. But, you've been with this guy for 5 years so you should know him pretty well, Normally, I'd say trust your gut..... and you're gut is telling you things aren't what he's telling you. But, then you say you're jealous, have paranoia anxiety, depression. Why do you think this? Has professional diagnosed you with this? That would be important to know here. Or, has your boyfriend labeled you as these things.

    People, in general, don't like change. I was listening just yesterday to someone saying that we'd stay in a boiling hot cauldron with our skin melting off and suffering terribly to avoid the unknown than change brings with it. Are you staying with him and somewhat defending him because he is what you know and are comfortable with even it's not a healthy relationship? You have to ask yourself, honestly, do you feel you are being paranoid??? If the answer is yes then you need to seek professional help. But, if you are seeing red flags, and your honest sense is that he is not being true (and you said yourself he has a history of that) then please be respectful to yourself and see it for what it is.

    Have you ever heard of being 'gaslighted'? Could this be happening? Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief.

    If what you have described is accurate I would question his 'loyalty and friendship' with this woman. Only you know the history and know if you are truly jealous and paranoid etc. If you feel this is legitimately the case then you need to seek help as this will affect every relationship you ever have. You also mention that there are 'certain reasons' he deletes texts could those 'reasons' literally be causing a physical paranoia.... and if so stop using that and seek medical advice.
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    Thank you. Gave me alot to think about. And helped me a great lot.
 
 
 
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