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Would you dump your partner over hiding debt? watch

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    I found a load of letters detailing past debts accumulated over two years at uni, plus, money for owed council tax- while ive lived with her.

    Outstanding debt is about 2.5k.

    Understandably I'm angry, but would you dump over it?
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    Not purely on that issue. If there are other things wrong with the relationship then yes. I would talk to her about her debt and figure out ways of moving forward and sensible spending. She might want to speak to an adviser to learn sensible spending.
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    Probably best to talk about it first.
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    I think resolving the outstanding debts and working out who is liable for what and at what stage each debt is at in the collection process is more important than making quick decisions about a relationship.

    There could be a million-and-one reasons why she chose to hide these debts from you - pride, shame, fear of recriminations. Don't be too quick to make a judgement before you've at least talked to her and ascertained some facts. She's probably very scared and frightened at the moment, and she needs support from people she can trust. Like you.
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    Best to talk about it, how did you find them? Equally don't want to be caught snooping her privacy, don't want to end up paying for it also if things get more serious later on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I found a load of letters detailing past debts accumulated over two years at uni, plus, money for owed council tax- while ive lived with her.

    Outstanding debt is about 2.5k.

    Understandably I'm angry, but would you dump over it?
    Just as an extra point, council tax debt is rather different from unsecured personal lending such as overdrafts and credit cards in that it is considered a 'priority debt' - non-payment can lead relatively quickly to a summons to the magistrates' court and enforcement action. If she hasn't made arrangements with the council regarding this debt, I strongly advise she does so immediately, or at least contacts them to see if any enforcement proceedings can be temporarily halted whilst you attempt to negotiate a resolution.
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    Would you want someone in large amounts of debt living with you, affecting your credit history and ability to use the bank in the future? No, I wouldn't. The fact they were not open about it is the main thing for me, once things got serious, if I discovered this i'd be out.
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    (Original post by Dat Tall Guy)
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    Would you want someone in large amounts of debt living with you, affecting your credit history and ability to use the bank in the future? No, I wouldn't. The fact they were not open about it is the main thing for me, once things got serious, if I discovered this i'd be out.
    It's only if they've created a financial association with each other, by getting a joint product that would cause a problem, not by living together as far as i know.

    OP, it's slightly worrying that they wouldn't tell you after being together that long but you should calmly speak to them about her about and give her a chance to explain. (I would be quite upset in that situation but then we've both told each other honestly our bank balances since quite early on in our relationship)
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    It's only if they've created a financial association with each other, by getting a joint product that would cause a problem, not by living together as far as i know.

    OP, it's slightly worrying that they wouldn't tell you after being together that long but you should calmly speak to them about her about and give her a chance to explain. (I would be quite upset in that situation but then we've both told each other honestly our bank balances since quite early on in our relationship)
    I think you can get your address flagged or something, idk how true it is my finances have never been that bad
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    (Original post by Dat Tall Guy)
    I think you can get your address flagged or something, idk how true it is my finances have never been that bad
    It could be a problem in the past but it's now just an individual thing unless you choose to get something in both your names, even then neither of us appears to drag the other down if our scores have gone down a bit and we've had an association for over 2 years (although credit scores are awfully subjective).
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    (Original post by Dat Tall Guy)
    I think you can get your address flagged or something, idk how true it is my finances have never been that bad
    claireestelle is right - there's no such thing as 'flagging an address'. The only time you create linked financial records is when you jointly apply for a product such as a joint bank account, credit card with additional cardholder or mortgage. Even if a financial link has been inadvertently created, you can file a 'notice of dissociation' at the CRAs.

    The fact that one person has a poor credit history need not have any bearing on the credit rating of the other party so long as the accounts are in sole names.
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    (Original post by Reality Check)
    claireestelle is right - there's no such thing as 'flagging an address'. The only time you create linked financial records is when you jointly apply for a product such as a joint bank account, credit card with additional cardholder or mortgage. Even if a financial link has been inadvertently created, you can file a 'notice of dissociation' at the CRAs.

    The fact that one person has a poor credit history need not have any bearing on the credit rating of the other party so long as the accounts are in sole names.
    PRSOM I think you'd have to have quite the limited knowledge on financial products to accidentally get an association on your report :P
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    (Original post by Dat Tall Guy)
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    Would you want someone in large amounts of debt living with you, affecting your credit history and ability to use the bank in the future? No, I wouldn't. The fact they were not open about it is the main thing for me, once things got serious, if I discovered this i'd be out.
    That would be my issue too.

    Someone in a relationship with me keeping secrets from me, and doing things that affects me in a negative way -- dump.

    & its not true that you won't be affected by other people's bad credit, especially if you share an address with that person.
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    Just to give more context;


    We've been engaged for two years, and together for three. We met at University.

    She has about £1.300K worth of debt from creditors on behalf of the University. In owed accommodation fees (unpaid rent).

    Although I knew she went a bit crazy with her student loans in first and second year (it isn't uncommon) i didn't realise that it was that bad. Certainly not bad enough to get into debt.

    Also she has an overdraft, but she's 2K into that also, which she has disclosed to me before.

    We also have a notice to say we're £900 in arrears in council tax. But she claims this is because we missed a payment so they demand in full.

    She handles our finances, and so as far as I was aware things were been paid. I suppose I have been a little bit naive and silly in that respect.

    It upsets me because we've been together for 3 years, and in that time she hasn't decided to disclose this debt to me. If she'd told me early on it would not have mattered so much.

    She said she was going to tell me, and at many times was wanting to tell me, but couldn't. She didn't want me to be disappointed in her.

    I don't know the story with regard the accommodation fees, she told me that her student loan package couldn't cover her outgoings, as she had it assessed on her income and parents and so was entitled to less. Therefore got less, had to work a job while studying.
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    If it doesn't directly affect you (e.g. she hasn't been taking £50 a month off you towards the council tax and not paying it) then I wouldn't necessarily dump her but I'd be pretty concerned and want to have a serious conversation about it. I don't even now how she graduated with that much debt at the university? Mine wouldn't let you graduate if you owed the library £2. My concern would be how you're going to be able to trust her with anything financially if she's been allowing huge debts to build up and not discussing them with you (if the council tax was a problem you could have helped her sort it out etc). Also, if you're marrying her how are you going to work it so that you don't take on the responsibility of thousands of £ of debt. To carry on with the relationship I'd be expecting her to sit down and talk to you about it honestly and for you to work out how she will repay it and then for her to stick to that.

    Also the council tax excuse sounds dodgy to me, maybe some councils do different things but I missed a payment in mine and they did nothing, just asked me to catch up the following month.
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    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    That would be my issue too.

    Someone in a relationship with me keeping secrets from me, and doing things that affects me in a negative way -- dump.

    & its not true that you won't be affected by other people's bad credit, especially if you share an address with that person.
    That's not true, my fiance's (now statue barred) default had no effect when we started living together, and next to none when we did get a financial association anyway.
    https://help.creditexpert.co.uk/help...nked_addresses

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just to give more context;


    We've been engaged for two years, and together for three. We met at University.

    She has about £1.300K worth of debt from creditors on behalf of the University. In owed accommodation fees (unpaid rent).

    Although I knew she went a bit crazy with her student loans in first and second year (it isn't uncommon) i didn't realise that it was that bad. Certainly not bad enough to get into debt.

    Also she has an overdraft, but she's 2K into that also, which she has disclosed to me before.

    We also have a notice to say we're £900 in arrears in council tax. But she claims this is because we missed a payment so they demand in full.

    She handles our finances, and so as far as I was aware things were been paid. I suppose I have been a little bit naive and silly in that respect.

    It upsets me because we've been together for 3 years, and in that time she hasn't decided to disclose this debt to me. If she'd told me early on it would not have mattered so much.

    She said she was going to tell me, and at many times was wanting to tell me, but couldn't. She didn't want me to be disappointed in her.

    I don't know the story with regard the accommodation fees, she told me that her student loan package couldn't cover her outgoings, as she had it assessed on her income and parents and so was entitled to less. Therefore got less, had to work a job while studying.
    It's understandable that you're upset, if you're going to be married she should tell you these things. It's up to you whether to decide to forgive her, i have to say I don't like the thought of getting married in debt if you've no plan in place to fix the situation.
    Have you considered speaking to her about finances becoming a joint responsibility now? It's worrying if your name is on that council tax bill and that she didnt tell you. I mostly make sure our bills are paid but I always mention what they all cost if it varied to normal and if we were under/over budget on each month so we can discuss how to improve if we need to.
 
 
 
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