Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Parents won't let me pick mixed sex accommodation for uni. Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Right so I'm off to university about 2 hours away from my hometown and it's really irritated my parents because they wanted me to stay at home and commute. However, I applied without them knowing and by the time they found out, I had already firmed and insured my two choices so they couldn't actually do anything. I have an applicant day next month and my mum's coming along and yesterday we were having an argument about the type of accommodation I'm going to pick. I actually want to pick mixed sex accommodation, because I've heard from talking to students on open days that single sex accommodation can be incredibly catty (especially if you live in all girls accommodation). When I asked my mum why she wanted me to go for single sex accommodation, she told me that she wanted me to preserve my modesty and that men were sexually depraved beasts etc. She's also mentioned to me that at university she'll be "supervising" me and making sure I don't drink alcohol or whatever. When I told her it was none of her business what I got up to at uni and it was my life she basically went nuts and said she was my mother and so had the right to know.


    I want to pick mixed accommodation at university because I genuinely think it'll be more fun but my parents seem to be ruining everything. I wanted to escape to uni so I had more freedom to do stuff but they seem to want to interfere in even that. What do I do? I can apply from accommodation from next month.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right so I'm off to university about 2 hours away from my hometown and it's really irritated my parents because they wanted me to stay at home and commute. However, I applied without them knowing and by the time they found out, I had already firmed and insured my two choices so they couldn't actually do anything. I have an applicant day next month and my mum's coming along and yesterday we were having an argument about the type of accommodation I'm going to pick. I actually want to pick mixed sex accommodation, because I've heard from talking to students on open days that single sex accommodation can be incredibly catty (especially if you live in all girls accommodation). When I asked my mum why she wanted me to go for single sex accommodation, she told me that she wanted me to preserve my modesty and that men were sexually depraved beasts etc. She's also mentioned to me that at university she'll be "supervising" me and making sure I don't drink alcohol or whatever. When I told her it was none of her business what I got up to at uni and it was my life she basically went nuts and said she was my mother and so had the right to know.


    I want to pick mixed accommodation at university because I genuinely think it'll be more fun but my parents seem to be ruining everything. I wanted to escape to uni so I had more freedom to do stuff but they seem to want to interfere in even that. What do I do? I can apply from accommodation from next month.
    Just do it- She has no right to dictate what accommodation you go for.

    i didn't even know there was an option of single sex halls- You'd think university student being adults would be able to deal with different genders. What happens when you have to work with a sexually deprived beast?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by citibankrec)
    Just do it- She has no right to dictate what accommodation you go for.

    i didn't even know there was an option of single sex halls- You'd think university student being adults would be able to deal with different genders. What happens when you have to work with a sexually deprived beast?
    At my uni majority of the halls are mixed but they have said they can make provisions if you want to be in single sex accommodation. I've heard horror stories of how you can be stuck with overly religious people and all that which I really don't want either.

    No idea. My mum's nothing but deluded and backward it's sickening.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I'm not usually one to advocate lying to your parents, but perhaps apply for mixed accommodation and then say that you applied for single sex, didn't get placed in it, and you tried to argue with the uni but they wouldn't change it?

    I hate the idea of helicopter parents, especially when it comes to university. I respect all religions and cultures, but it does sadden me when I read threads like this to see that parents have little faith and trust in their children :sad: I had a strict upbringing, but I'm trusted and respected.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    You're the one who has to live there, not them. I'd just ignore them completely and apply for mixed sex accomodation anyway. And I'd be interested to know how she intends to "supervise" you when you are (or will be) a legal adult and you'll live 2 hours away.

    Only bear in mind that if your parents are this irrational and sexist, they may be the type to not give you any financial support if you go against them. So you might need to think about finding a job when you're down there.
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    My god. :rolleyes:

    It's your decision, not hers.

    Plus, seriously, alledged 'cattiness' puts you off sharing with girls. My god.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I have to admit that I'm male, and, as a result, a sex depraved beast. Your mum is right, you wouldn't want to share a hall with me. Listen to your parents and commute from home.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Airmed)
    I'm not usually one to advocate lying to your parents, but perhaps apply for mixed accommodation and then say that you applied for single sex, didn't get placed in it, and you tried to argue with the uni but they wouldn't change it?

    I hate the idea of helicopter parents, especially when it comes to university. I respect all religions and cultures, but it does sadden me when I read threads like this to see that parents have little faith and trust in their children :sad: I had a strict upbringing, but I'm trusted and respected.
    My mum would want to see evidence that that was the case. I've decided I'm going to apply for mixed anyway but I'm worried about her reaction.

    Yup they have no faith in me at all even though I turn 19 soon. I have to be so sneaky about everything. When they found out I was moving out they told me I would have nothing but my student loan to rely on.

    My brother's moving to Surrey for uni. My mum's going to give him a £3k allowance per year.

    (Original post by RF_PineMarten)
    You're the one who has to live there, not them. I'd just ignore them completely and apply for mixed sex accomodation anyway. And I'd be interested to know how she intends to "supervise" you when you are (or will be) a legal adult and you'll live 2 hours away.

    Only bear in mind that if your parents are this irrational and sexist, they may be the type to not give you any financial support if you go against them. So you might need to think about finding a job when you're down there.
    She said that it was none of her business how she was going to keep an eye on me. I'm actually going to press stalking charges against her if she follows me to uni because I can't stand her at all.

    They told me they wouldn't help me out at university. So hopefully I'll move out to live with a family friend before exams and get a part time job. I was offered babysitting at a pretty good rate but she told me to turn it down.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    My god. :rolleyes:

    It's your decision, not hers.

    Plus, seriously, alledged 'cattiness' puts you off sharing with girls. My god.
    Honestly I prefer being mates with guys than girls. But she clearly thinks I'm weird.


    (Original post by JohnGreek)
    I have to admit that I'm male, and, as a result, a sex depraved beast. Your mum is right, you wouldn't want to share a hall with me. Listen to your parents and commute from home.
    Yes you are. I need to make sure I sleep with my eyes wide open don't I!
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by JohnGreek)
    I have to admit that I'm male, and, as a result, a sex depraved beast. Your mum is right, you wouldn't want to share a hall with me. Listen to your parents and commute from home.
    Honest :rofl:
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    She has no right to control you.
    Pick mixed sex accommodation, get drunk, have sex. Do whatever the **** you want.
    I'm so glad my family are open minded and trust me, can't stand parents like this
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by A-LJLB)
    She has no right to control you.
    Pick mixed sex accommodation, get drunk, have sex. Do whatever the **** you want.
    I'm so glad my family are open minded and trust me, can't stand parents like this
    Neither can I. I wish I had family like yours. She sat me down and gave me a long lecture about stuff I can't and can do at university I was just thinking how I'm not going to ever listen to her.

    I got told having a mother like her would lead me to go nuts at university and I defo think that'll happen.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum would want to see evidence that that was the case. I've decided I'm going to apply for mixed anyway but I'm worried about her reaction.

    Yup they have no faith in me at all even though I turn 19 soon. I have to be so sneaky about everything. When they found out I was moving out they told me I would have nothing but my student loan to rely on.

    My brother's moving to Surrey for uni. My mum's going to give him a £3k allowance per year.
    Stand your ground :hugs: I really hope uni is a wonderful turning point for you, especially since your mother is being rather hypocritical if she'll support your brother but not you, culture, religion, background or not.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    My god. :rolleyes:

    It's your decision, not hers.

    Plus, seriously, alledged 'cattiness' puts you off sharing with girls. My god.
    Hey, us girls are *****y little shits. :lol:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Airmed)
    Stand your ground :hugs: I really hope uni is a wonderful turning point for you, especially since your mother is being rather hypocritical if she'll support your brother but not you, culture, religion, background or not.
    Thank you She's standing with my brother because he's basically a mummy's boy. He spends an unhealthy amount of time with her whereas I prefer being alone and doing things alone.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Anon, may I ask what culture/religion your mother is? I do not mean to pry or to seem racist but there might be ingrained values coming in to play here. What is your father/brothers opinions here? Maybe it might be an idea to get a teacher at school or a supportive family member involved? My mother is also extremely over protective but if you do want to have a long term relationship with her, then just blatantly going against her will isn't the option. Try to calmly sit her down and discuss her worries rationally. If you get angry and emotional its not going to solve anything. Maybe bring up the issue of the unfairness between her treatment of you and your brother.
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Neither can I. I wish I had family like yours. She sat me down and gave me a long lecture about stuff I can't and can do at university I was just thinking how I'm not going to ever listen to her.

    I got told having a mother like her would lead me to go nuts at university and I defo think that'll happen.
    You're an adult. Yes she is your mother, but you're old enough to make your own decisions now, and she should trust you to look after yourself.
    Don't let her get you down, it is your life and not hers
    • TSR Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you She's standing with my brother because he's basically a mummy's boy. He spends an unhealthy amount of time with her whereas I prefer being alone and doing things alone.
    Then she definitely is the one being unfair, since she should love both her children equally, regardless if one spends less time with her and isn't clingy.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    She sounds like a lovely lady. What you think of as silly, and perhaps is overprotective, is only an expression of concern.

    Plainly it's a wrench for them that you're moving away. Why compound their worrying?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by greenfeather)
    Anon, may I ask what culture/religion your mother is? I do not mean to pry or to seem racist but there might be ingrained values coming in to play here. What is your father/brothers opinions here? Maybe it might be an idea to get a teacher at school or a supportive family member involved? My mother is also extremely over protective but if you do want to have a long term relationship with her, then just blatantly going against her will isn't the option. Try to calmly sit her down and discuss her worries rationally. If you get angry and emotional its not going to solve anything. Maybe bring up the issue of the unfairness between her treatment of you and your brother.
    We're strict Indian Hindus. I'm atheist and have always been more "Westernised" out of my siblings and my mum always complains about it. My dad's fine with me going to uni but he says he'd rather I went for single sex accommo. My brother doesn't really get involved but he'll suck up to our mum. I don't want a long term relationship with her at all.


    (Original post by A-LJLB)
    You're an adult. Yes she is your mother, but you're old enough to make your own decisions now, and she should trust you to look after yourself.
    Don't let her get you down, it is your life and not hers
    She says she doesn't trust me because I hide things from her i.e. Not telling her when I applied to uni etc.

    (Original post by Airmed)
    Then she definitely is the one being unfair, since she should love both her children equally, regardless if one spends less time with her and isn't clingy.
    She's not a fair mother though. What should I do if she turns violent? She's done that in the past.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 12, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.