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Parents won't let me pick mixed sex accommodation for uni. Watch

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    (Original post by cambio wechsel)
    She sounds like a lovely lady. What you think of as silly, and perhaps is overprotective, is only an expression of concern.

    Plainly it's a wrench for them that you're moving away. Why compound their worrying?
    How is "preserving my modesty" a concern? It's none of her business on what I do with my modesty or my virginity.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)



    She's not a fair mother though. What should I do if she turns violent? She's done that in the past.
    You get the police involved. Pure and simple. Violence is never acceptable no matter who it comes from.

    And I would have a long chat with your dad and see if you can get him to see your side...as well as asking him to help you come to a compromise with your mum
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    You are living in a modern, progressive democracy which grants you human rights and protects your innate human dignity, and not in some medieval, religious backwater. Your parents don't have any right to decide where you're going to live, how much or how little sex you will have, how much or how little alcohol you're going to drink and how you're generally going to live your life.

    Furthermore, University is supposed to be a place where you explore different ideas and paths and get yourself involved with different people from various backgrounds, no matter their gender, religion or anything of the sort. You will become a completely timid, socially immature human being if you let your parents pull you away from anyone and everyone different. This is a time of your life when you absolutely can't allow them to have any major influence on your life. Put your foot down and say no to their antiquated nonsense.

    Best of luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's not a fair mother though. What should I do if she turns violent? She's done that in the past.
    :console:

    Is there anyone else in your family you can speak to about her behaviour? What about your dad, is he more willing to listen to you? As for violence, all I can suggest is either report it, whether it be to someone at school, and do all your best to get out of that house asap. Sorry, I've not had much experience with violence. :hugs:
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    (Original post by greenfeather)
    You get the police involved. Pure and simple. Violence is never acceptable no matter who it comes from.

    And I would have a long chat with your dad and see if you can get him to see your side...as well as asking him to help you come to a compromise with your mum
    See I tried to get the police involved about 2 years ago and I dropped the charges because she convinced everyone I was a liar. My social worker told her to back off me but she still hasn't listened.

    I tried to talk to him but he's sticking to his guns. He's told me he's fine with me having a bf at uni/casual stuff but he wants me to be in single sex accommodation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How is "preserving my modesty" a concern? It's none of her business on what I do with my modesty or my virginity.
    While I agree, may I ask you to breathe and think for a moment? I am well aware of how quickly you can get sucked into a situation. Just make sure you don't do anything you might later regret as a screw your to your parents....the small moment of satisfaction is not worth the regret later
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    :console:

    Is there anyone else in your family you can speak to about her behaviour? What about your dad, is he more willing to listen to you? As for violence, all I can suggest is either report it, whether it be to someone at school, and do all your best to get out of that house asap. Sorry, I've not had much experience with violence. :hugs:
    Nope my family live in Pakistan/India. My dad is kind of useless even though the emotional support is there from him on the quiet.


    (Original post by Withengar)
    You are living in a modern, progressive democracy which grants you human rights and protects your innate human dignity, and not in some medieval, religious backwater. Your parents don't have any right to decide where you're going to live, how much or how little sex you will have, how much or how little alcohol you're going to drink and how you're generally going to live your life.

    Furthermore, University is supposed to be a place where you explore different ideas and paths and get yourself involved with different people from various backgrounds, no matter their gender, religion or anything of the sort. You will become a completely timid, socially immature human being if you let your parents pull you away from anyone and everyone different. This is a time of your life when you absolutely can't allow them to have any major influence on your life. Put your foot down and say no to their antiquated nonsense.

    Best of luck.
    I'm worried about her reaction and whether it'll be violent. She used to beat me up when I was younger when I didn't do something she wanted to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right so I'm off to university about 2 hours away from my hometown and it's really irritated my parents because they wanted me to stay at home and commute. However, I applied without them knowing and by the time they found out, I had already firmed and insured my two choices so they couldn't actually do anything. I have an applicant day next month and my mum's coming along and yesterday we were having an argument about the type of accommodation I'm going to pick. I actually want to pick mixed sex accommodation, because I've heard from talking to students on open days that single sex accommodation can be incredibly catty (especially if you live in all girls accommodation). When I asked my mum why she wanted me to go for single sex accommodation, she told me that she wanted me to preserve my modesty and that men were sexually depraved beasts etc. She's also mentioned to me that at university she'll be "supervising" me and making sure I don't drink alcohol or whatever. When I told her it was none of her business what I got up to at uni and it was my life she basically went nuts and said she was my mother and so had the right to know.


    I want to pick mixed accommodation at university because I genuinely think it'll be more fun but my parents seem to be ruining everything. I wanted to escape to uni so I had more freedom to do stuff but they seem to want to interfere in even that. What do I do? I can apply from accommodation from next month.
    :rofl:

    They can't stop you doing what you want. It's your application, just don't tick the box for 'single sex'.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nope my family live in Pakistan/India. My dad is kind of useless even though the emotional support is there from him on the quiet.




    I'm worried about her reaction and whether it'll be violent. She used to beat me up when I was younger when I didn't do something she wanted to do.
    Get a knife and defend yourself. srs
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nope my family live in Pakistan/India. My dad is kind of useless even though the emotional support is there from him on the quiet.
    Then definitely report it. And do try to speak to your dad. It's a good sign if you even just have emotional support on the quiet from him
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    (Original post by greenfeather)
    While I agree, may I ask you to breathe and think for a moment? I am well aware of how quickly you can get sucked into a situation. Just make sure you don't do anything you might later regret as a screw your to your parents....the small moment of satisfaction is not worth the regret later
    I'm not even planning to even go eyewateringly wild at uni. I want to drink and go on nights out because I wasn't allowed to do any of those things when I was a teenager. And I'll be in my 20s in two years. I kind of want to make up for the unhappy childhood/teenage years I had.
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    The bottom line is unfortunately while you are fully entitled to live your life however you want to, so are your parents....which means they are allowed to support or not support whoever they wish even if that's not fair. Obviously you moving away is a very big step for them...would you not be willing to have a compromise of living in single sex dorms? A lot of my friends did, and had a great time, and believe me were the furthest thing from religious or timid or quiet that you can find. Plus you can always move accommodation once you're there. And even if you do start in co Ed dorms, most people choose by their own volition to live in single sex houses from second year anyway.

    Is it worth winning the battle to lose the war? Give you parents a chance to adjust to all of this, it seems it was all sprung on them very suddenly
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    Then definitely report it. And do try to speak to your dad. It's a good sign if you even just have emotional support on the quiet from him
    I'm scared she'll convince everyone I'm a liar and nobody will believe me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm worried about her reaction and whether it'll be violent. She used to beat me up when I was younger when I didn't do something she wanted to do.
    Please, in the name of everything, don't try to normalize it or treat it as a potential outcome. Violence of that kind is illegal. She is not allowed to hit you! You can't allow her to do this to you. There's always authorities that can handle this and organizations that can help you.

    It was wrong for her to hit you then and it is sure as hell wrong now. You can't go along with her behavior. You're under no obligation to listen to her anymore, you're about to embark on the most formative chapter of your life, don't let her ruin it for you.
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    (Original post by greenfeather)
    The bottom line is unfortunately while you are fully entitled to live your life however you want to, so are your parents....which means they are allowed to support or not support whoever they wish even if that's not fair. Obviously you moving away is a very big step for them...would you not be willing to have a compromise of living in single sex dorms? A lot of my friends did, and had a great time, and believe me were the furthest thing from religious or timid or quiet that you can find. Plus you can always move accommodation once you're there. And even if you do start in co Ed dorms, most people choose by their own volition to live in single sex houses from second year anyway.

    Is it worth winning the battle to lose the war? Give you parents a chance to adjust to all of this, it seems it was all sprung on them very suddenly
    They told me as soon as they found out I firmed a uni two hours away from home that they wouldn't help me out financially. So why on earth should I even try to please them? They aren't trying to help me at all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm scared she'll convince everyone I'm a liar and nobody will believe me.
    I say for the next few months, do your best to stand your ground against her but avoid as much conflict as possible, and then get the hell out of there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They told me as soon as they found out I firmed a uni two hours away from home that they wouldn't help me out financially. So why on earth should I even try to please them? They aren't trying to help me at all.
    Exactly. If they aren't going to help you anyway. Don't compromise at all. Just live your life.
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    (Original post by Withengar)
    Please, in the name of everything, don't try to normalize it or treat it as a potential outcome. Violence of that kind is illegal. She is not allowed to hit you! You can't allow her to do this to you. There's always authorities that can handle this and organizations that can help you.

    It was wrong for her to hit you then and it is sure as hell wrong now. You can't go along with her behavior. You're under no obligation to listen to her anymore, you're about to embark on the most formative chapter of your life, don't let her ruin it for you.
    I'm nervous she'll tell everyone that I was lying about her hitting me and nobody will believe me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They told me as soon as they found out I firmed a uni two hours away from home that they wouldn't help me out financially. So why on earth should I even try to please them? They aren't trying to help me at all.
    It's a knee jerk reaction. They're shocked and hurt (even if they don't really have a right to be) and need time to adjust. And you try and come to a compromise because you're (I hope) the bigger and better person here. You're trying to convince them you're an adult, well having a tantrum and going off the deep end isn't going to help that argument.

    Give them time, act like an adult and have a calm discussion with them, preferably with both of them there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I'm worried about her reaction and whether it'll be violent. She used to beat me up when I was younger when I didn't do something she wanted to do.
    My mum used to be pretty violent. But I'm male and I grew up and worked out a lot. I punched her the last time she did it and then she never did it again.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    I say for the next few months, do your best to stand your ground against her but avoid as much conflict as possible, and then get the hell out of there.
    That's honestly next to impossible. She loves picking a fight. I told her that I wanted to go hiking in the Alps before uni (wasn't even a clubbing holiday like Magaluf) and she even said no to that. I feel so jealous when I see my mates having fun at uni and interrailing and knowing I can't do that because my mum is nothing but a selfish *****.
 
 
 
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