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Parents won't let me pick mixed sex accommodation for uni. Watch

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    (Original post by greenfeather)
    It's a knee jerk reaction. They're shocked and hurt (even if they don't really have a right to be) and need time to adjust. And you try and come to a compromise because you're (I hope) the bigger and better person here. You're trying to convince them you're an adult, well having a tantrum and going off the deep end isn't going to help that argument.

    Give them time, act like an adult and have a calm discussion with them, preferably with both of them there.
    No it isn't a knee jerk reaction. It's been ages since I told them and they're still saying it. I shouldn't have to compromise. They never cared about what I wanted as a teenager. Why should I do things for them?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum used to be pretty violent. But I'm male and I grew up and worked out a lot. I punched her the last time she did it and then she never did it again.
    I don't think violence vs violence is a good idea..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's honestly next to impossible. She loves picking a fight. I told her that I wanted to go hiking in the Alps before uni (wasn't even a clubbing holiday like Magaluf) and she even said no to that. I feel so jealous when I see my mates having fun at uni and interrailing and knowing I can't do that because my mum is nothing but a selfish *****.
    As soon as you get out of that house and go to uni, you can do whatever the hell you want. When I lived at home, I wasn't allowed to dye my hair or wear much make-up or go out clubbing etc (not that I really wanted to do that aspect), but now since I am out of the house, 20, and at uni, my daddy doesn't bat an eyelid at it. He had to accept me growing up.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    As soon as you get out of that house and go to uni, you can do whatever the hell you want. When I lived at home, I wasn't allowed to dye my hair or wear much make-up or go out clubbing etc (not that I really wanted to do that aspect), but now since I am out of the house, 20, and at uni, my daddy doesn't bat an eyelid at it. He had to accept me growing up.
    I don't really have a huge interest in makeup anyway. Your dad had to accept you growing up and at least he's reasonable. My parents aren't.
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    (Original post by greenfeather)
    It's a knee jerk reaction. They're shocked and hurt (even if they don't really have a right to be) and need time to adjust. And you try and come to a compromise because you're (I hope) the bigger and better person here. You're trying to convince them you're an adult, well having a tantrum and going off the deep end isn't going to help that argument.

    Give them time, act like an adult and have a calm discussion with them, preferably with both of them there.
    Sometimes being the bigger person and having a calm discussion doesn't work. And you have to go no contact and live your life before they change their ways and take you seriously. My mum and sister were ****ing horrible to me and they only changed after I left for uni and blocked them on everything for a year.

    Her situation sounds very similar to mine. Even the sympathetic dad and violent mum.
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    Best would be to play along with her - pretend to take in all her lectures. Tell her single sex cots double as very limited supply. Get as much funding out of her as possible then move to university. Find a nice boyfriend and have a lovely time and live happy ever after.....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No it isn't a knee jerk reaction. It's been ages since I told them and they're still saying it. I shouldn't have to compromise. They never cared about what I wanted as a teenager. Why should I do things for them?
    Because being quite frank most teenagers are absolute idiots and if all parents let their teenagers do everything they wanted then we'd have a load of entitled brats as adults. Your parents are not doing this to spite you, harm you, hurt you or ruin your life. They may be misinformed, ignorant, stubborn and maybe a bit tactless but believe it or not they love you and are trying in their own roundabout way to protect you. This is probably the only way they know how to parent as it was the way they were raised too. And you do things for them because they've raised you and cared for you and helped you be an individual with a strong enough sense of self to know what she wants and to go for it. I'm not saying they're perfect and I'm not saying they're right and you should bend to their will but I'm willing to bet they're not the devil so you could show even the smallest bit of understanding towards them.

    Ps; my parents would have said no to the alps too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't really have a huge interest in makeup anyway. Your dad had to accept you growing up and at least he's reasonable. My parents aren't.
    You don't need both of your parents in your life to be a good person. Take it from someone who has had no contact with their mother for 14 years. I turned out alright. Except the mental health stuff. But we can ignore that part for now :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right so I'm off to university about 2 hours away from my hometown and it's really irritated my parents because they wanted me to stay at home and commute. However, I applied without them knowing and by the time they found out, I had already firmed and insured my two choices so they couldn't actually do anything. I have an applicant day next month and my mum's coming along and yesterday we were having an argument about the type of accommodation I'm going to pick. I actually want to pick mixed sex accommodation, because I've heard from talking to students on open days that single sex accommodation can be incredibly catty (especially if you live in all girls accommodation). When I asked my mum why she wanted me to go for single sex accommodation, she told me that she wanted me to preserve my modesty and that men were sexually depraved beasts etc. She's also mentioned to me that at university she'll be "supervising" me and making sure I don't drink alcohol or whatever. When I told her it was none of her business what I got up to at uni and it was my life she basically went nuts and said she was my mother and so had the right to know.


    I want to pick mixed accommodation at university because I genuinely think it'll be more fun but my parents seem to be ruining everything. I wanted to escape to uni so I had more freedom to do stuff but they seem to want to interfere in even that. What do I do? I can apply from accommodation from next month.
    Who's paying for it, them or student finance?, coz, if it's student finance it should make your uni choice easier(don't ask me how coz I don't get student finance due eligibility issues).

    Also, aim to get a part time job for yourself or even a placement. The more you can fund yourself the less important whatever they say is?

    Am I doing any of this?, no, but I know guys who are. Also, I'm a guy and I don't have parents who care about how deviant my flat mates are.

    OR, you can try a single sex accom for once(in your 1st yr) and see if that's what you'd like, what's the harm in being around people that are less likely to harass you sexually?, I don't believe they're all gonna be catty(assuming that's negative thing) since people are different. Plus you'd probably have more in common with them than male housemates
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Best would be to play along with her - pretend to take in all her lectures. Tell her single sex cots double as very limited supply. Get as much funding out of her as possible then move to university. Find a nice boyfriend and have a lovely time and live happy ever after.....
    She wouldn't believe me I don't think :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right so I'm off to university about 2 hours away from my hometown and it's really irritated my parents because they wanted me to stay at home and commute. However, I applied without them knowing and by the time they found out, I had already firmed and insured my two choices so they couldn't actually do anything. I have an applicant day next month and my mum's coming along and yesterday we were having an argument about the type of accommodation I'm going to pick. I actually want to pick mixed sex accommodation, because I've heard from talking to students on open days that single sex accommodation can be incredibly catty (especially if you live in all girls accommodation). When I asked my mum why she wanted me to go for single sex accommodation, she told me that she wanted me to preserve my modesty and that men were sexually depraved beasts etc. She's also mentioned to me that at university she'll be "supervising" me and making sure I don't drink alcohol or whatever. When I told her it was none of her business what I got up to at uni and it was my life she basically went nuts and said she was my mother and so had the right to know.


    I want to pick mixed accommodation at university because I genuinely think it'll be more fun but my parents seem to be ruining everything. I wanted to escape to uni so I had more freedom to do stuff but they seem to want to interfere in even that. What do I do? I can apply from accommodation from next month.
    Its YOUR life , do what YOU want
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    You don't need both of your parents in your life to be a good person. Take it from someone who has had no contact with their mother for 14 years. I turned out alright. Except the mental health stuff. But we can ignore that part for now :hugs:
    I've had severe depression because of that woman. When she found out she called me attention seeking.

    (Original post by kenni12)
    Who's paying for it, them or student finance?, coz, if it's student finance it should make your uni choice easier(don't ask me how coz I don't get student finance due eligibility issues).

    Also, aim to get a part time job for yourself or even a placement. The more you can fund yourself the less important whatever they say is?

    Am I doing any of this?, no, but I know guys who are. Also, I'm a guy and I don't have parents who care about how deviant my flat mates are.

    OR, you can try a single sex accom for once(in your 1st yr) and see if that's what you'd like, what's the harm in being around people that are less likely to harass you sexually?, I don't believe they're all gonna be catty(assuming that's negative thing) since people are different. Plus you'd probably have more in common with them than male housemates
    Student finance. I'm planning to get a part time job yeah. And my course has a placement abroad anyway.

    You do realise girls can harass girls sexually as well right? I've said before I generally get on better with guys than girls.
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    I agree with everyone else that its your right to choose because you will be an adult and parental responsibility ceases at 18. That said what are the implications, presumably out of term time then you will be expecting to live under their roof? I cant really see how she can supervise your activities from 4hours away. the cast majorities of unis have mixed accommodation. In halls they might have single sex floors.

    Contact accomm and see if they have any experience of handling this, perhaps they can say its full or you get where you were placed? Do what you want but know how to handle it when you return home as she could make it extra difficult or cut you off.


    Oh I see you are asian, no surprise....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had severe depression because of that woman. When she found out she called me attention seeking.
    My sister thinks I am attention seeking sometimes in regards to my mental health. :rolleyes: Ignore her. :hugs:
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    She's your bloody mother ffs.
    Smh people these days...
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I agree with everyone else that its your right to choose because you will be an adult and parental responsibility ceases at 18. That said what are the implications, presumably out of term time then you will be expecting to live under their roof? I cant really see how she can supervise your activities from 4hours away. the cast majorities of unis have mixed accommodation. In halls they might have single sex floors.

    Contact accomm and see if they have any experience of handling this, perhaps they can say its full or you get where you were placed? Do what you want but know how to handle it when you return home as she could make it extra difficult or cut you off.


    Oh I see you are asian, no surprise....

    Honestly, it would be a blessing if she cut me off. That's actually a really good idea yeah! Maybe on the form I can say single sex but then I call them up and say I made a mistake or something..
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    Posts like these make me think that there's no point in having children.
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    If you're not retarded and can set out a simple budget with the loan of money you get given you should be fine, that's if you're eligible for the maximum amount. Have you thought about getting a part time job now or something rather than thinking about it when you go to university? I got a small sum saved up in the bank which can be used as buffer if I do get in some financial problems - a nice contingency plan (although I hope I don't have to resort to it). Looking for a part time job might become harder at university due to the high amounts of competition you'll be facing against all the other students, not impossible though.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly, it would be a blessing if she cut me off. That's actually a really good idea yeah! Maybe on the form I can say single sex but then I call them up and say I made a mistake or something..
    A lot of people commenting on here dont understand or arent taking into account t your family are like. There have been people on here who have it a lot worse than you, parents who have thrown them out or followed them to uni. Personally I think its healthier to go into mixed accommodation, but halls can vary from mixed, but single sex floor to integrated mini flats.

    Your parents have three things:

    1. Money- if they are funding you in any way = get a job whilst at uni and before, so you arent as financially dependent.

    2 Accommodation out of term time- its possible to stay at uni but youd have to work to pay rent. It also means a kind of split with your family. Lot of foreign students don't go home. Its a big step. Private accommodation will be for a full year, so 2nd and 3rd years you could stay up there all year round.

    3. If you can cope with 1 and 2, then it depends how willing you are to cause a family rift. You know your family. It is just as much about having your own freedom. By all means make a stand, but be smart about it and know the implications.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    You do realise girls can harass girls sexually as well right? I've said before I generally get on better with guys than girls.
    OK I get it, but will the "girls only" accommodation permit you to bring any male guests, e.g. friends, boyfriends, brothers, e.t.c, coz if so you can stay there and make guy friends and bring them over when your housemates aren't keeping you company.

    Other than that, going for the accom is only a bad option if there's any limitations about bringing guys into the place.

    Also it doesn't matter if you can relate to them or not, because having friendly housemates is less important than having ones who make living in the house bearable(e.g.if they don't keep shared spaces as clean as you want, if they're too noisy for you,etc). Trust me, after living with different housemates for 6 years, I've learnt that you don't need to be close friends with your housemates to like them.
 
 
 
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