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Parents won't let me pick mixed sex accommodation for uni. Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Posts like these make me think that there's no point in having children.
    Why? Why shouldnt she be able to choose the type of accommodation?
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    Well it is your money (maintenance loan?)

    I wouldn't the worry about her getting violent.

    You're stronger than her so she probably wouldn't try it.
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    You are legally an adult. Yes, you owe your parents gratitude, but they don't own you. You could move to Australia and it would still be your choice. Wanting to have some fun and find your independence and your feet is well within your rights. I'd say, just be prepared to argue with her. If you want to study at home, then choose single sex if it makes home life easier because you night be able to change it before you arrive, though you will defiantly need to talk to the uni.

    Do what makes you happy. Good luck! :yes::yes::yes:

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    Show your parents snippets of this thread that put things in your favour. Also do some hard research into the accommodation policies of your firm and insurance choices. Sit there and lay all your cards out on the table. Tell them how hard you are working to get into university and how much this means to you. Also tell them how slim the likelihood is of you actually getting same sex accommodation in comparison to normal accommodation, as well as showing the safety features of the room you're expecting to stay in (most doors will have a lock so even if you are sharing with men, in their eyes you can protect yourself from them).
    I understand your mum may get violent towards you but document the violence in any way (if this does occur). You can use this as evidence against her if she does do anything. Whatever you do, always take the moral high ground in this situation, anything that can make you look like the bad guy will work in her favour.
    If all else fails, tell it to her straight because all the arguments in the world is not going to change the fact you are a grown adult and you can do whatever you want. As she has already told you that you cannot depend on her financially, it is definitely not any of her business as it is not her money.
    But whatever you do, please try and keep safe and seek a safe space should you need it. Good luck with the convincing!
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Why? Why shouldnt she be able to choose the type of accommodation?
    Did I say that? Really?

    What I'm trying to say is, after your parents have done so many things for your, in the end why is it that some children just bite the hand that feeds them?
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    (Original post by greenfeather)
    The bottom line is unfortunately while you are fully entitled to live your life however you want to, so are your parents....which means they are allowed to support or not support whoever they wish even if that's not fair. Obviously you moving away is a very big step for them...would you not be willing to have a compromise of living in single sex dorms? A lot of my friends did, and had a great time, and believe me were the furthest thing from religious or timid or quiet that you can find. Plus you can always move accommodation once you're there. And even if you do start in co Ed dorms, most people choose by their own volition to live in single sex houses from second year anyway.

    Is it worth winning the battle to lose the war? Give you parents a chance to adjust to all of this, it seems it was all sprung on them very suddenly
    You are missing the point of why the OP wants to move into mixed accomodation. She wants to do it because that is what she wants.

    Parents can not support their kids but that is morally wrong and you know that. You are condoning immoral behavior.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Did I say that? Really?

    What I'm trying to say is, after your parents have done so many things for your, in the end why is it that some children just bite the hand that feeds them?
    It wasnt unreasonable to go along those lines as that is what the thread is about. If you dont say but just moan into space, the how is anyone going to know what you mean hence I asked?

    I have no idea of the OPs homelife or how she was raised. Surely when she becomes an adult, then the parent will realise there comes a time when they have to let go and let the person make decisions for themselves. That ends at 18. Not really seeing the reasoning why parental control goes beyond that or why they get to dictate their childs uni experience?

    I would agree that some of the posters sound a little ungrateful, but then the mother in this situation is being a little overbearing and could in fact be contributing to her daughter having a much poorer experience.
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    (Original post by Maker)
    You are missing the point of why the OP wants to move into mixed accomodation. She wants to do it because that is what she wants.

    Parents can not support their kids but that is morally wrong and you know that. You are condoning immoral behavior.
    If op wants to be an adult and make her own choices contrary to what her parents would like then she can be. With all the adult responsibilities that comes with it. I was exceedingly sympathetic to op at first but her unwillingness to even consider compromising on any point and her inability to have any consideration for her parents feelings has worn that out. All people must make compromises and take account of others. Op is no exception to that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly I prefer being mates with guys than girls. But she clearly thinks I'm weird.

    Another cool girl. :rolleyes:

    (Original post by Airmed)
    Hey, us girls are *****y little shits. :lol:
    Aren't we though. :lol:
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    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    Aren't we though. :lol:
    It's why I went to a mixed grammar instead of an all-girls :lol:
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    It's why I went to a mixed grammar instead of an all-girls :lol:
    I went to a mixed, and they're all as bad as each other.
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    Same-sex accommodation doesn't sound like the end of the world tbh. And if you end up there then whatever. :dontknow: I'm sure the other girls will not be catty, that's a bit cynical of female nature isn't it? Girls live together for second year, third year, etc and manage just fine.

    If you are concerned about lack of mixing with males, rest assured there are other (better) ways of meeting and socialising with them.
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    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    I went to a mixed, and they're all as bad as each other.
    I went to a posh mixed, we rarely misbehaved Too busy being nerds.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    I went to a posh mixed, we rarely misbehaved Too busy being nerds.
    I went to a comprehensive.
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    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    I went to a comprehensive.
    You poor soul :console:
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    You poor soul :console:
    Pray 4 me. :console:
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    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    Pray 4 me. :console:
    I had to go to one of those for my A Level Politics. It was horrible.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    I had to go to one of those for my A Level Politics. It was horrible.
    That's awful. :console:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Did I say that? Really?

    What I'm trying to say is, after your parents have done so many things for your, in the end why is it that some children just bite the hand that feeds them?
    Nobody's parents are the same.
    For example, it's not my parents I owe but my grandparents.
    Stop assuming every situation is the same as yours.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We're strict Indian Hindus.
    This explains alot actually.

    I have family friends that are in a similar situation to yours, where the daughter went to Standford, and the son to Cornell.

    Despite such an achievement, her mum still addresses her daughter's weaknesses in casual conversations, whereas praising 'her boy' to the extreme.

    Trust me I get where this is coming from, this is strictly because of how your mother was raised.
    You don't have to tell us, but I can bet she hinted to you regarding future marriage arangements because she herself possibly went through an arranged marriage. She tends to have this attitude since your grandparents were attempting to perfect her into a suitable bride many years ago.

    This sounds wrong and cruel, but everyone needs to understand this was very common in many regions of India back 50 years ago, as it was performed for thousands of years. The thinking behind this conservative tradition applied to all classes, educated and non educated. Many countries to this day still adopt this system unfortunately, such as Japan, Nigeria and Egypt to name a few.
 
 
 
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