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Boyfriend is going on lads holiday Watch

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    Hunh.... That's a weird text. He could be joking, but I would say "Aww... It's sweet that you think I wouldn't murder you in your sleep." as a reply.
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    (Original post by ThatOldGuy)
    Hunh.... That's a weird text. He could be joking, but I would say "Aww... It's sweet that you think I wouldn't murder you in your sleep." as a reply.
    I did message him back after that, and I said 'oh thank you, but I know you would never cheat on me anyway, and I wouldn't ever dream of cheating on you either', just to really get the point across that cheating just isn't on. The annoying thing is though because if I make it out as though I strongly disapprove of cheating, he will probably just do it behind my back and then not tell me because he knows what will happen, whereas if I acted like I was cool with it, he'd probably be honest with me about what really went on.

    Either way, this isn't a situation that I should be in, so if he goes on that holiday, I will basically know what's gone on and it's over. I don't know I'm looking at him differently already now for even saying something like that :/
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    (Original post by She-Ra)
    I still don't think that makes it acceptable.



    What's the status of your relationship? How long have you been together? Are you in agreement that you should both be faithful?

    In terms of having a lads weekend in Amsterdam - he might just not want to miss out on a lads weekend, it doesn't mean he has any intention of cheating. Perhaps he is curious about how you would feel if he did cheat - would you feel ok just having a chat with him about it?

    If he wants some freedom, then let go, it will save you a lot of hurt in the meantime. It won't be easy, but at the same time it doesn't mean you won't ever get back together.

    I think you need to be clear with him about your boundaries, what you're ok with and what you're not ok with and see how he responds.

    Re: Amsterdam.....that all sounds very rock n roll but to be honest I can't see that it will all be like that. I've been - it's a beautiful city. And we walked through the red light district as every one does.... but I wouldn't say it's sexy and the guys I went with agreed. Seeing prostitutes looking through windows is actually pretty sad. Amsterdam is very open-minded and perhaps they're just curious?

    Perhaps they'll ogle at prostitutes and eat a hash brownie.... perhaps they'll just sit in a bar and get drunk as they would in the UK.... perhaps they'll get a lap dance. The truth of it is, is that you may never know what happens and you need to decide now whether you have enough trust, or whether it crossed your boundaries. Again it completely depends on the status of your relationship and how you both feel about where you're at and where you want to be in the future.

    :hugs:
    We have been together for a year, and yes we have agreed to stay faithful to one another. Usually he's always showering me with loveydovey texts telling me how happy he is to have someone like me in his life and doesn't know what he would do without me, and then he'll go and say stupid things like this cheating thing that contradicts what he's said before.

    Unfortunately, I don't trust him abroad there, he hasn't cheated before but he has flirted with different girls behind my back and has tried to make me jealous, and he is very strongly incapable of saying no. Everytime he's made a bad decision in life, it's always 'my friends were doing it, so I did it to', to the point where even his thoughts are because 'my friends think it, so they influenced me'. His friend is a loud, confident guy and I'm sure if he said to my boyfriend come on lets do this, he'd just be like 'ok' :/. Whether he goes or not now, I can't help but start doubting his intentions now anyway because of what he's said.
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    This thread, what the hell... make sure you tell him why you're not ok with him going. You have good reasons and if he doesn't accept them then just leave. Though even if he doesn't go, you need to tell him that this mindless following needs to stop. After all you are dating him, not his friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm starting to realise he is an immature boy in general. The other day for example, I was wearing a choker necklace. He said 'why are you wearing that? I thought slutty girls wore those?', I said it's a piece of jewellery, why would you think something like that? He says 'my friends say it is, so I was easily influenced by them and thought the same', he's such a sheep. Thank you, I will hopefully find a guy that actually realises the value of his relationship is worth more than a fling.
    break up w him!! it sounds like he has no respect for you let alone women in general
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    He's actually not guilty of anything but a conversation!
    Loads of groups go to Amsterdam
    In reality they're all talk
    Gonna try everything!
    However, if your boyfriends the type you describe, stand him in front of those windows and like the majority of others he'll run a mile
    Let's face it. He could cheat anywhere. Have a talk. Tell him you do not condone cheating in any shape or form and let him go!!!
    If he does cheat you'll hear and can let him go
    Don't condemn the bloke for something that hasn't even happened
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    #2

    You could always tell him a few facts about prostitution in Amsterdam:

    1. Only 2% of the Red Light District prostitutes enjoy their work,
    2. Sex Workers need to have up to 32 clients a day to cover the costs of renting a window (80-150€ per shift), taxi to get to / from home, lots of debts owed to their pimp if they have one (most do), especially if he's "helping" them get out of poverty.
    3. In the Red Light District, 65% - 90% of the people he'll see in the windows have been forced into prostitutions (figures vary depending on how you define forced...), so he'd have a big chance of supporting modern slavery.
    4. Most of the women (and men, and transgenders) in the windows feel like they're just animals on display in a zoo.

    And these are only a few!

    Might make him think twice before he goes up the steps and opens the door that leads to the room behind the window...
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    i'm really sorry to tell you this but he has basically just said he will cheat. texting asking about hypothetical situation?!?! thats ridiculous. Also, you should value yourself like the unique star you are, don't say you'd forgive because if he were to cheat, it wouldn't be an accident, he is planning on doing something wrong, and i think you know that. love yourself by not accepting that.
    GIRLS, I hate to ask on such a sensitive post but i'm really struggling to get enough girls to complete my 5 min survey for my dissertation, could you please help a sister out and count this as your good deed for the day? https://ntupsychology.onlinesurveys....ctivities-copy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

    My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give '. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!
    Why you with someone so immature and basically asking permission to cheat, get rid.
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    (Original post by the bear)
    this is incredibly insensitive of your young gentleman, especially in the season of Valentine's Day when we celebrate our relationships.
    Most people here are probably like - "what is this RE-LASH-IN-SHIP you speak of? Never heard of it."
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    That certainly screams immature to me, there'll be much better guys out there for you.
    You don't know this girl and you don't know this guy... While telling her to just dump him without knowing them and their realities (their lives, their relationship, their couple 'dynamics'
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    Could you try signing up for 'Sun, Sex and Suspicious Girlfriends'? The TV show predominately uses Parents to spy but I don't see why a girlfriend is not suitable.

    No need to thank me about the suggestion which will solve your problem
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    You shouldn't be with him if you dont trust him. Let him go to the trip. You dont want to appear like a controlling gf. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he wanted to cheat he would still do it even if he was in the same city as you
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    (Original post by DavidSilvaMCFC)
    Maybe he just wants to go to Amsterdam for the nightlife... most people don't go to Amsterdam for the prostitutes.
    The Van Gogh museum is interesting as is the Rijksmuseum. A canal trip is nice. So is Spa Zuiver although perhaps the group are too immature for there as on most of the day's everyone is in the saunas and pool nude.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give '.
    If this part wasn't there I'd be willing to say that he wasn't going to do anything. "nightlife" could very well just mean getting hammered and doing the nice legal drugs they've got over there, no cheating in the red light district whatsoever.

    However, that sort of strange statement really isn't one you'd ever tell your already paranoid girlfriend unless you genuinely were thinking of cheating, or at the very least somewhat concerned that you'd end up cheating through peer pressure or some dumb ass ****. So probably finding a strange vague way of getting "permission" to cheat, which regardless of your opinion on cheating and such makes him effectively the most stupid person on the planet for thinking that vaguely saying you might cheat is a good idea.

    So uhhh I guess I'd bin him for acting as though he was dropped on his head at a young age...yeah
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

    My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give '. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!
    Holy...who says that to their partner before going on a "lads" holiday...He is definitely up to something..that would make me so mad

    Either he doesn't go because he loves you enough
    He goes but promises not to do silly things which is unlikely because his friends will peer pressure him once he is there
    He goes and enjoys the nightlight and it over between you and him

    He is a terrible boyfriend from what it seems...I'm sorry
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    are you serious? If you are, I don't know, I just don't understand how somebody can cheat whilst in a committed relationship. I wouldn't ever dream about cheating on him, and hiding it from him would be even worse. If I wanted to be free and young, I'd stay single and not find a person to be in a relationship with. Loyalty is important to me, if he doesn't like it, we can just break up and he can go catch an std or whatever whilst he's having his 'fun'.
    You sound like a really caring and sweet person...and it is a shame he is so willingly to give up something with you for a stupid fling because of his friends...I can tell, one day he is going to realise what he has missed with you. I hope you find a better boyfriend and one who is more mature!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

    My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give '. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!
    1. Why don't you just ask your (supposed) partner?
    2. Have you been on holiday with him?
    3. Why are you posting Anon?
    4. Having been to Amsterdam many times I can tell you that a lot of girls and guys have a 'good' time.
    5. The RLD (Red Light District) is encompassed by many bars and 'coffee shops'.
    6. Communication is key in relationships.
    7. Get a grip love.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

    My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give '. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!
    No, he needs time to be a lad.
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    Stop worrying! if he was really going to cheat on you why would he say that, he knew if he said that you probably wouldn't let him go. TBH I think hes just winding you up lol. Either way whats the point in being together if theres no trust, if i wanted to go on an all girls holiday id expect my boyfriend to trust me. They're your partner, not your child.
 
 
 
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