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Smoker boyfriend puts me down for trying to help Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    To give a bit of background..

    A year ago when we were getting together he told me he's going to quit smoking because he knew I didn't like it and didn't want to be in a relationship with a smoker. I believed him! But as time has gone by I lost trust that he would do it himself. I've tried to be helpful and suggest ways to make it easier for him, suggested he speak to a doctor.. he just goes "yeah" then nothing happens.

    It's become a huge financial burden for us. He spends thousands of pounds a year on smoking cigarettes! We can't afford to live together if he spends like that. He's also impulsive on nights out and spends a fortune on drinks every time we go out. I know he has an 'addictive personality' and doesn't know when to stop but he's refusing to get help with it! He knows how bad it is for him and I've even had to threaten to leave if he doesn't prioritise living together over smoking.

    Since I put my foot down and told him I'm leaving if he doesn't get help quitting, he's been intentionally putting me down. He's told me my job doesn't exist (it literally does exist.. I work more than him and it's a decent job..) and that I'm 'chubby' when I'm not.. I'm actually a bit underweight.. calling me nasty things all because I confronted him about his smoking when he told me he'd quit.

    Is this normal behaviour for an addict to have when confronted? We sort of made up from that last fight but still hasn't seen a doctor or got help. Is it worth staying, is there anything I'm doing wrong with helping him quit? I've been patient for a year but he hasn't even cut down on cigarettes, he's lying to himself about it and making me feel bad for trying to talk to him.

    This is why I tell everyone to buy stock in tobacco companies.

    British American Tobacco, Imperial Tobacco, Altria Group make millions

    Aw no you haven't done anything wrong. If he's lying to himself he's only making it worse for himself cuz there will be a point where you will give up. Try talking to him again but calling you nasty names and stuff is just a way they put up a front. He probably doesn't mean it but if he does then you have a problem. If nothings really changing since a year do you think it'll change in the future? Maybe give him the ultimatum and be like either get some help or I'm walking.. hopefully he'll realise you are really serious and he can't carry on like this.
    • Political Ambassador

    No, this is not normal behavior and I don't think this guy is worth the struggle.

    He doesn't care..you can't help him if he doesn't at least try to help himself.

    Well if he's actually quitting since you put your foot down then it might be due to withdrawal - that's not okay, it's still really unacceptable and worrying but at least you can feel like it will improve in a few weeks. If he's not actually quitting then I think you have another big red warning sign - not only have you got someone who is unwilling to follow through on promises, unable to manage money and has a horrible and unhealthy habit - but you also have someone who will be purposely nasty and cruel to you.
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Updated: February 10, 2017
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