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    Been in a relationship for over a year and it doesn't feel like the same, matters just keep getting worse and accepting others differences is a big issue.
    It's so frustrating and I don't really know why I should stay. Not that I don't love him, I just don't know if it's out of routine or just because I actually do.

    But it's been a while since I've been happy and things have been just getting worse like his state of mind and wellbeing and I don't know how to support him. And he's just in a negative place. He says still wants a relationship with me, but the love I had before seems to have gone. And everything seems to be out of worry and care and to help him.

    Will it be selfish leaving because I am unhappy and there's lots of negativity ?
    • #1
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    Only you can decide.

    -Relationships are not going to be easy all the time. What matters is if you are able to overcome the difficulties together.
    Put yourself in your partners shoes...how would you like to be treated by yourself?
    I am by no mean saying, forego your happiness.
    I know someone who had a rough patch ages ago. The father fell into a depression and that made the mother feel like there was no love and unhappy. There was probably a lot of negativity. Now looking back, it just brought them closer together.
    That's one perspective

    -Another. It affects you so much that it may affect your own mental health or ... You are unable to deal with it. At the end of the day, sometimes even if you don't want to, we have to prioritise ourselves. In which case, as selfish as it may seem, it doesn't matter. It's choosing you or choosing to loose yourself.

    -You could look to take a break. Would that help or cause a greater barrier between you?

    -You don't need to understand his state of mind etc. Just let him know you are there whenever he wants to take you up on it. Otherwise treat him like you always did, i presume. Let him know he has your support on whatever he wishes to do.
    Has he got any help? Going to gp, therapy maybe? An idea you can propose without pushing it. Ultimately, he has to be the one to decide that.

    Sorry. I'm not sure if this is useful or not. I hope whatever is best happens.
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    That's extremely helpful and I see and I do try but my issue is that i'm naturally not that affectionate and it's a problem and need he has. So, he's just been more needy and wanting comfort whereas, personally I am not in a good place myself. Nowhere near his but, I sometimes want time alone to recover.

    As for the help, no he hasn't and I have suggested it but he hasn't done much about it. So I don't want to push him into it. I understand that relationships are difficult and it's just so hard and I can't take it because this is the worse so far and it's been like this for almost 5 months.

    Breaks.. they could work and just so I can be there for him and also focus on what makes me happy. Just at the moment, there's just brief space so I can think about what is best for myself.

    The thing i'm worried about is the love and if it's okay to feel that way... it is low .

    I do tell him how i'm there for him and truthfully, I don't know how to help him. He fluctuates from being auto and dependent and he doesn't communicate it well..so i'm always confused and realise it late.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Only you can decide.

    -Relationships are not going to be easy all the time. What matters is if you are able to overcome the difficulties together.
    Put yourself in your partners shoes...how would you like to be treated by yourself?
    I am by no mean saying, forego your happiness.
    I know someone who had a rough patch ages ago. The father fell into a depression and that made the mother feel like there was no love and unhappy. There was probably a lot of negativity. Now looking back, it just brought them closer together.
    That's one perspective

    -Another. It affects you so much that it may affect your own mental health or ... You are unable to deal with it. At the end of the day, sometimes even if you don't want to, we have to prioritise ourselves. In which case, as selfish as it may seem, it doesn't matter. It's choosing you or choosing to loose yourself.

    -You could look to take a break. Would that help or cause a greater barrier between you?

    -You don't need to understand his state of mind etc. Just let him know you are there whenever he wants to take you up on it. Otherwise treat him like you always did, i presume. Let him know he has your support on whatever he wishes to do.
    Has he got any help? Going to gp, therapy maybe? An idea you can propose without pushing it. Ultimately, he has to be the one to decide that.

    Sorry. I'm not sure if this is useful or not. I hope whatever is best happens.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anaa95)
    That's extremely helpful and I see and I do try but my issue is that i'm naturally not that affectionate and it's a problem and need he has. So, he's just been more needy and wanting comfort whereas, personally I am not in a good place myself. Nowhere near his but, I sometimes want time alone to recover.

    As for the help, no he hasn't and I have suggested it but he hasn't done much about it. So I don't want to push him into it. I understand that relationships are difficult and it's just so hard and I can't take it because this is the worse so far and it's been like this for almost 5 months.

    Breaks.. they could work and just so I can be there for him and also focus on what makes me happy. Just at the moment, there's just brief space so I can think about what is best for myself.

    The thing i'm worried about is the love and if it's okay to feel that way... it is low .

    I do tell him how i'm there for him and truthfully, I don't know how to help him. He fluctuates from being auto and dependent and he doesn't communicate it well..so i'm always confused and realise it late.
    Okay. Thos isn't the same situation but something I find affective is writing. So with friends, etc having a hard time, I tend to write them a letter or messages or email etc to get them to open up. I find it more effective in terms of understanding the other person. Maybe the two of you could do the same? Then you can write about your feelings etc too and likewise he can and sort through it loke that. Its harder to open up in person/face to face. Maybe this may help him see the importance of getting help.

    This is me still trying to find a solution rather than telling you to drop it. Many on tsr may tell you to drop it, so hopefully we'll see what others can tell us.

    5 months is a long time though OP. I can understand it taking its toll on you. I don't think you should worry about an action being selfish or not, if you've given it your all and nothing is making a difference.

    Could you maybe bring a third person into it from both of your mutual friends/or someone from both your families who can help the two of you in this situation. That could be something you can explore.
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    I understand that and appreciate that a lot. Writing and such we do but, not sure how to do it now. Especially right now since I've requested some level of space. I don't know, maybe it's just my pride that doesn't want me to make the first move.

    And that could help in some way and I can help voice that out, just that arguments come from them and misunderstanding and one being offended. mainly from my side which I need to work on.

    And 5 months is and the situation is straining me however, I don't think I've tried my best and I've just been comfortable and confused with how to help.

    The third person that can help.. could be mothers but they have different views and last time it happened it created issue and coldness. So I don't want that to happen again. But, his mother is the best one to help him out. I just don't want to be intrusive and say anything until he's ready to tell her.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay. Thos isn't the same situation but something I find affective is writing. So with friends, etc having a hard time, I tend to write them a letter or messages or email etc to get them to open up. I find it more effective in terms of understanding the other person. Maybe the two of you could do the same? Then you can write about your feelings etc too and likewise he can and sort through it loke that. Its harder to open up in person/face to face. Maybe this may help him see the importance of getting help.

    This is me still trying to find a solution rather than telling you to drop it. Many on tsr may tell you to drop it, so hopefully we'll see what others can tell us.

    5 months is a long time though OP. I can understand it taking its toll on you. I don't think you should worry about an action being selfish or not, if you've given it your all and nothing is making a difference.

    Could you maybe bring a third person into it from both of your mutual friends/or someone from both your families who can help the two of you in this situation. That could be something you can explore.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anaa95)
    I understand that and appreciate that a lot. Writing and such we do but, not sure how to do it now. Especially right now since I've requested some level of space. I don't know, maybe it's just my pride that doesn't want me to make the first move.

    And that could help in some way and I can help voice that out, just that arguments come from them and misunderstanding and one being offended. mainly from my side which I need to work on.

    And 5 months is and the situation is straining me however, I don't think I've tried my best and I've just been comfortable and confused with how to help.

    The third person that can help.. could be mothers but they have different views and last time it happened it created issue and coldness. So I don't want that to happen again. But, his mother is the best one to help him out. I just don't want to be intrusive and say anything until he's ready to tell her.
    You've been there this past 5 months. That's support enough imo.
    Okay if you're having some space, you can evaluate how to go from there.
    How about hinting tactfully to his mother?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You've been there this past 5 months. That's support enough imo.
    Okay if you're having some space, you can evaluate how to go from there.
    How about hinting tactfully to his mother?
    Doesn't feel that way with how he needs more and in his own way because we are complete opposites so the way I show support doesn't always match what he is use to. Like I said, my affection level is quite inadequate compared to what he is use to and needs. As well as attention and way i engage or connect with him in conversations and such. He feels like I disconnect a lot and it's not always there.

    Space will be good and just to see things in different perspective and workout a plan.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anaa95)
    Doesn't feel that way with how he needs more and in his own way because we are complete opposites so the way I show support doesn't always match what he is use to. Like I said, my affection level is quite inadequate compared to what he is use to and needs. As well as attention and way i engage or connect with him in conversations and such. He feels like I disconnect a lot and it's not always there.

    Space will be good and just to see things in different perspective and workout a plan.
    Fair enough. That seems like the plan then. Taking space and re-evaluating things.
    Hope things work out x
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    Do what you want. There is no god to judge you.
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    (Original post by Black Hand Path)
    Do what you want. There is no god to judge you.
    ha, okay
 
 
 
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