Feb 15th: Are you in control of your life?

This week’s Surgery is all about being the master of your own destiny. More than a quarter of young people don’t feel in control of their own lives according to the Prince’s Trust.

Do you feel like you’re being told how to live? Are you struggling to control the way your life is going? Are you in a controlling relationship?

Taking control of your own decisions is easier said that done, right? Gemma and Dr Radha are here to help. Tune in to Radio 1 on Wednesday 15th February at 9pm for help and advice, and tell us how in control you feel.

Please note: you can post on this forum anonymously.

Reply 1

UWS

Having Asian parents, there was always that need for them to try to control my life. I've stood up to them since I went to uni and told them that it's my life and they need to understand that I'm not going to let anyone control it.

It's hard for some people though, thankfully my parents weren't that strict but I feel for the people who do have strict, controlling parents and can't get a control of their own lives.

Reply 2

choleCcarknif3r

Original post by BBC Radio 1

I feel pretty out of control. Not because someone else is controlling, but because it just seems impossible to control my life right now. Everything is so up in the air all the time. It's hard to plan, because everything changes so often. I always have to have a plan b, and a plan c, and even then I'm often ending up on a completely different path than I intended. I hope as I grow older and become more independent things might settle down and I'll have more control over my life. Right now though, as much as I try, it's difficult

Reply 3

z33

I'd have to ask my parents, hold on.

Reply 4

The_Lonely_Goatherd

I feel very out of control of my life, in that my mental health has a mind of its own and I have to adjust a lot of things accordingly if I am experiencing symptoms.

That said, I'm still alive and still standing, so I guess I have a bit more control over things than I feel I do :redface:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I was in a controlling relationship for a couple of years (for context, I am female mid-twenties, he is male late twenties). It's different than most people think: it's so subtle that I didn't notice it at first. I'm normally a bit of an ice queen and I think he decided to date me because he thought I would be a challenge to get to control. He did that thing of alternating between doing awful things and making it sound like we had a perfect life ahead of us, so I'd want to stay with him. We moved in together relatively early in the relationship: that is a big warning sign. At the time, I was happy about the idea and thought it made financial sense. It actually just meant I was trapped. He didn't like me going out and working on the weekends when I wanted to, but whenever he wanted to work he'd almost 'make' me go with him. He had a car, but he didn't like me getting a bike because just like Victorian ladies, it gave me more freedom. He would lie about the most bizarre things that didn't need lying about. If he saw me becoming friends with anyone he'd make up lies about them so I didn't trust them. If he was really worried I was becoming too close with someone he would tell me they were sexist, knowing I hated that. He handled any bills that were both of our responsibilities, I was fine with that, but now realize he might have taken extra money from me. One of the times I really realized he was a scumbag was when he accidentally hurt me and I thought I'd broken my wrist... and he just didn't care. I was scared of him. Normally, people I know would think that I'm not scared of anything.

It culminated with me going back to my home country for a short time, on short notice. He didn't like that I'd done something major that wasn't his decision. He cheated on me, broke up with me by email (after years!), murdered my fish, took hundreds of dollars from me and lied to everyone we know that actually I owe him hundreds, and when he returned my things to me from the old house, he'd urinated on all my clothes.

[Don't want to give away identifying details so have missed some of the worst bits out. It's probably already too identifying but whatever. And wow, I'm not sure I've written even just these bits out in full like this before - it all looks so bad, reading over it. So glad I've moved on.]

Some of my colleagues guessed what was going on, but we had a very intense work environment with <10% women. I think after rumours spread, and after we finally broke up, two male colleagues independently seemed to decide that I must be a pushover, and they both tried to manipulate me in a similar way, I guess hoping they could get away with it. Even though everyone hated the guy I was dating. They weren't as good at it as he was, and by then I was more able to see the warning signs (and we weren't dating...) so I didn't let them do anything.

Reply 6

3121

I'm in full control.. which is more worrying than being controlled. God knows where ill take myself

Reply 7

Richard0328

i am fully in control of where i want to go but i am completely reliant on someone allowing me to go in that direction. it is not simply a case of choosing a university and course but also on that university offering me a place

Reply 8

Little Popcorns

No. And reason being no money.

Reply 9

Kallisto

Entertainment Forum Helper

In terms of my everyday life, I am able to control it, but this does not go for relationship. Had some of them years ago, it always went wrong. The rest (the job or career for instance) is the trust in my destiny which I don't want to determine by myself so much.