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Please I really need the help (english first language igcse) watch

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    Describe an occasion when you received disappointing news.
    Please tell me where the corrections are needed, the grade I'm likely to get with this write up and if I have the ability to write descriptive writing.

    Reckless turmoil crashed as thick waves against my chest then fell as large black diamond shaped crystal daggers,like fresh patient snow they fell, proud of their loved season, greeting the morning to the night ever so slowly, too slowly. Then their waists twisted and formed what i saw to be the most ferocious black dragon with the largest canines sharpened with experience roaring out of its foaming mouth and its scarred lips, its beaming red eyes were so powerful it took my concentration away from its body to them, to the evil that lurked in them and spewed forth their ugly red liquid on its nose then dribbled to its foamy lips. I grasped their intentions faster than lightning with the heaviest thud that pounced on my chest, they were searching out for my heart and they found it. Its body coiled around my heart till it could only suck a breath per minute.
    Grandma could not be dead, but she was and her wrecked but beautiful soul was dragged by the only thing attaching itself to the clear blue sky empty of its white deformed eyes. Her souls thread, all have soul thread but the sky chooses when to take its young ling or as we like call it in our family (its prey). Who knows how tattered and beaten up her soul must by now, under the dominance of the sky. I prayed to the 200 Gods i knew and maybe conjured to satisfy my peace less mind
    I suffered what most called depression and withdrawal symptoms. But i was lurking a deadly path in my mind, i thought of the sweet experiments i could test on my golden skin. I drew the thickest and largest flow of blood from my arm and thought i could offer the Gods to take me away, and i did offer. With folded legs, lifted arms a bent head and tightly shut eyes i began to sing songs with words i knew i did not know. I praised all types of Sun gods to the ruler of the sky Zeus,i could bear the pain no longer.
    'Grandma' i said to my spirit to send to her'i cannot stay on Earth any longer i will come to join there in the suffering it is better there than here, we both detested Earth and said we would stay with each other for ever. I'm coming, please tell the gods to accept me
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    Reckless turmoil crashed like thick waves against my chest then fell as large black diamond shaped crystal daggers. Like fresh patient snow they fell, proud of their loved season, (greeting the morning to the night??) ever so slowly, too slowly. Then their waists twisted and formed what i saw to be the most ferocious black dragon with the largest canines sharpened with experience roaring out of its foaming mouth and its scarred lips, Its beaming red eyes were so powerful it took my concentration away from its body to them, to the evil that lurked in them and spewed forth their ugly red liquid on its nose then dribbled to its foamy lips. I grasped their intentions faster than lightning with the heaviest thud that pounced on my chest. They were searching out for my heart and they found it. Its body coiled around my heart till it could only suck a breath per minute.
    Grandma could not be dead, but she was and her wrecked but beautiful soul was dragged by the only thing attaching itself to the clear blue sky empty of its white deformed eyes. Her souls thread, all have soul thread but the sky chooses when to take its young (ling???) or as we like call it in our family (its prey). Who knows how tattered and beaten up her soul must by now, under the dominance of the sky. I prayed to the 200 Gods i knew and maybe conjured to satisfy my restless mind
    I suffered what most called depression and withdrawal symptoms. But i was following a deadly path in my mind. I thought of the sweet experiments i could test on my golden skin. I drew the thickest and largest flow of blood from my arm and thought i could offer the Gods to take me away, and i did offer. With folded legs, lifted arms a bent head and tightly shut eyes i began to sing songs with words i knew i did not know. I praised all types of Sun gods to the ruler of the sky Zeus. I could bear the pain no longer.
    'Grandma' i said to my spirit to send to her'i cannot stay on Earth any longer. i will come to join there in the suffering. it is better there than here, we both detested Earth and said we would stay with each other for ever. I'm coming, please tell the gods to accept me

    Tips - Use a few more full stops, especially when describing something quite complex. You would probably be better describing something in a more straightforward manner. The imagery at the start was really creative but very challenging to write and I don't think I fully understood it. It might be better to have a very clear basic story, with some imagery included to help describe your feelings. You can still include good vocabulary. You have good skill with English, but try not to put too much in a short space.
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    Thank you so much, it was really helpful. I will work on it
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    To be honest, the description is way too heavy and over the top. Try shorten your sentences and introduce alternative clauses, this will help with fluency and complexity. You write in detail, which is good, but you don't have to describe everything. You're probably looking at an A/B
 
 
 
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