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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi all,

    I know that some of you guys will think that I'm being a whiney kid but here's the situation.
    I am 22 years old and I'm in my final year at university. My mum and I have always had a bad relationship with each other and we both suffer from mental health issues. I suffer from borderline personality disorder and she is chronically depressed, and I find that when I talk to her whether we are arguing or not I always come off the phone with extreme anxiety and my mood shifts in to a depressed state. To be quite frank she has been psychologically and physically abusive to me growing up but because we are Chinese and she was raised in china I don't know how much of this can be put down to cultural differences. As a 22 year old I find it suffocating how she is still trying to determine every aspect of my life, she doesn't like my boyfriend because he is shorter than I am so she demands that I break up with him and threaten to cut me off financially so I won't be able to study anymore; she doesn't want me to move up north to study for a masters or apply for medicine afterwards which is my plan and she uses guilt to persuade me. Her reasoning? She wants me to start pumping out babies asap. I am getting to the point where my mental health deteriorates increasingly every time I have to speak/see her and it becomes a genuinely distressing situation when it does happen.

    I want to cut her off but I have a few problems. I care for dad and sister a lot and she is still a big part in their lives, if I cut her off I lose them too, as well as all of my extended family.

    I depend on her financially to get through education and making money from part time jobs isn't enough

    I've tried talking to her but she always ends up turning it on to me, telling me how I'm a disobedient child and I am always in the wrong.

    I feel cornered. Any advice?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,

    I know that some of you guys will think that I'm being a whiney kid but here's the situation.
    I am 22 years old and I'm in my final year at university. My mum and I have always had a bad relationship with each other and we both suffer from mental health issues. I suffer from borderline personality disorder and she is chronically depressed, and I find that when I talk to her whether we are arguing or not I always come off the phone with extreme anxiety and my mood shifts in to a depressed state. To be quite frank she has been psychologically and physically abusive to me growing up but because we are Chinese and she was raised in china I don't know how much of this can be put down to cultural differences. As a 22 year old I find it suffocating how she is still trying to determine every aspect of my life, she doesn't like my boyfriend because he is shorter than I am so she demands that I break up with him and threaten to cut me off financially so I won't be able to study anymore; she doesn't want me to move up north to study for a masters or apply for medicine afterwards which is my plan and she uses guilt to persuade me. Her reasoning? She wants me to start pumping out babies asap. I am getting to the point where my mental health deteriorates increasingly every time I have to speak/see her and it becomes a genuinely distressing situation when it does happen.

    I want to cut her off but I have a few problems. I care for dad and sister a lot and she is still a big part in their lives, if I cut her off I lose them too, as well as all of my extended family.

    I depend on her financially to get through education and making money from part time jobs isn't enough

    I've tried talking to her but she always ends up turning it on to me, telling me how I'm a disobedient child and I am always in the wrong.

    I feel cornered. Any advice?
    Have you spoken to anyone about all of this.
    • #2
    #2

    Hi, my parents are Chinese and they were also physically abusive towards me growing up. Physical abuse towards children is apparently quite normal for Chinese people of that generation. I frankly find it abhorrent. They've also caused me a lot of mental health issues.

    Your mother sounds like she has serious issues. I don't think she recognises you as an independent entity and sees you as an extension of herself.

    I suggest you cut off when your financial situation improves. It's a hard decision and I can sympathise. Chinese people have this stupid filial piety where we are supposed to respect and take care of our parents above all else.

    The way I deal with my parents is to share as little of my life with them as possible. I don't talk about friends or relationships and keep all conversation strictly relating to academic and careers.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, my parents are Chinese and they were also physically abusive towards me growing up. Physical abuse towards children is apparently quite normal for Chinese people of that generation. I frankly find it abhorrent. They've also caused me a lot of mental health issues.

    Your mother sounds like she has serious issues. I don't think she recognises you as an independent entity and sees you as an extension of herself.

    I suggest you cut off when your financial situation improves. It's a hard decision and I can sympathise. Chinese people have this stupid filial piety where we are supposed to respect and take care of our parents above all else.

    The way I deal with my parents is to share as little of my life with them as possible. I don't talk about friends or relationships and keep all conversation strictly relating to academic and careers.
    bruh I feel, and it's Asia in general that's like that tbh.
 
 
 
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