The Worst October-November of my life...

So, what happened last year was just awful, but it was also hilarious so I wanted to share it with y’all…

So, starting in Year 9 (2014), I developed a crush on this guy called Dan (I’m a guy btw) and it basically consumed me to the point where I could not stop thinking about him. I was still in the closet at this point of my life and I wasn’t really into telling anyone.

At the start of Year 10 I went on this trip to Cologne in Germany and he went as well, and considering we hardly ever spoke we did get a bit closer and started talking to each other, but that was about all it got to unfortunately. I remember I did something super cheesy where I bought two chocolate bars (Twirls, I think they were) and made up that they were BOGOF just so I could pretend I didn’t want two and I give it to him (he accepted it but was a bit weirded out that I just gave him a Twirl for no reason) xD

Then in Year 11 which was last year I decided to tell my best friend that I was gay (and surprisingly they were as well, and so were a lot of people I was friends with), and everyone was accepting and stuff.
Then for some strange reason I remember I needed to practice my writing skills because I wanted to get my target A* in my mock English language exam, and as a joke I wrote a gay fanfic that was super detailed and had a plot and everything.

Yeah, a gay fanfic.

I also thought it would be funny to put it on Wattpad, which to my surprise had gained a lot of following and views. What was NOT funny was that I had put my name on it, and you know how you sometimes randomly type someone’s full name in Google to see what it comes up with? Yeah, well someone actually FOUND IT ONLINE and they connected the dots and it got around school that I wrote a gay fanfic for ‘fun’. I had got so much **** from the chavvy homophobic pricks in my year and it was really making me upset.

My crush, who didn’t know that I had a crush on them, was a homophobe and decided to ask me about it on a practice awards evening. He tapped me on the back and his exact words were “So, are you like, into gals or..?
”
I, panic struck and probably with shock-horror on my face, decided to mouth the word “Bi” while people started to go up on stage to get their award. I was shaking and cowering in fear that he was going to somehow magically find out I had a crush on him through the next hour and a half.

[Just know that as I am writing this I am having the worst cringe-attacks of my life and I feel like I’m about to die]

After the school day, he said he wanted to read it for some reason after school. I took this opportunity as a blessing in a weird sort of way that I would be able to communicate with him on Instagram, so I messaged him the link to it. After another 2 hours I decided to text him again saying something like “Did you read it?” and “You’re a homophobic prick so roast me”. He stated that he wasn’t homophobic and that he just “sometimes makes edgy jokes because if they’re controversial they’re funny ygm”.

I was really confused because my friend told me that she hated Dan because he acted so homophobic in class. I decided to go along with it and blurted out how depressed I was because of all the ****ed up **** people were giving me. We had a weird chat on Instagram and it made me feel better, so I told him I was grateful for talking to him and he said it was no problem.
One cold and windy Friday, I thought that my life was not getting any better, and since I had nothing to hold back anymore, I decided to message him a massive paragraph on how I had been crushing on him since year 9.

His exact message back? “Oh” “Right..”

He hasn’t actually spoken to me again and he took it so bad that he went and blocked me on all my social media until about a month ago, although his girlfriend (Yes, his girlfriend) thinks that it’s cute and suddenly makes conversation with me in my art classes.

I soon realised that, although I don’t hate him, I’m better than him and he’s just not worth it. He’s a homophobic prick after all!
TL;DR: Gay crush on a guy, wrote a guy fanfic, came out as gay, told my crush I liked him, got crushing resentment from him.

Hope you enjoyed the worst period of my life 😊

The Worst October-November of my life...

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