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    Hi everyone,

    I'm a second year student at Lancaster university. In the past couple months I've really gotten in touch with religion, and to be honest in all my time at uni I've never felt more at peace! I've decided that I want to wear hijab and abaya, but I am very scared of the reaction I would get.

    A bit of back story: before these last few months I was never even close to religious - I mean I was the drinking, smoking, constantly going out type of person. My family are quite loose with religion as well, and they don't know about any of this but obviously I know they'd be happy to see me happy. It's my friends that I'm worried about :/ The thing is, all of my friends know me as the person that's up for partying every week and all.. they have seen me pray a few times recently and I think that they think I don't drink anymore because I'm too busy with uni work, and I don't have the heart to correct that because I'm scared they might look at me differently. I know they're my friends and they'll love me no matter what but it's obvious that there will be a kind of distance/barrier when I no longer go out with them, I'm the only one in the group that wears a scarf, I take breaks to pray etc. Essentially my friendships are built based on a character that I want to get rid of.

    On top of that, I've never seen anyone in my uni (not exaggerating) wear an abaya, just hijab. I'd like to wear both just for the ease of prayer, so I don't have to carry them with me all the time.. plus my heart tells me it'll make me happy! I would love to represent myself as a Muslim, but I might compromise friendships in the process?

    I know that it's my decision about my relationship with God but all these factors are so complicated, plus what if I slip up in front of them and they think I'm a bad Muslim, obviously I'm not perfect sometimes I listen to music because I feel like it or I swear, I can't be 100% on it when I've changed so drastically in such a short time but would they understand that?

    I think I've given you an idea of how downright confusing my thoughts are right now haha. Has anyone else been in the same boat at any time, or still is? What are your thoughts? How did you cope? Are there any tips you could give me?

    Thanks!xx
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    Mashallah! It's great that you want to wear the abaya may allah swt reward you.

    This may be a bit hypocritical coming from me as I don't wear the abaya myself (school policy) but just give it a try and see how it goes, as you say your friends like you for who you are so I'm sure they won't think too much of it if you wear it.

    It might shock them at the start but sis you have to remember you do not live to please your friends, you live to please Allah swt and by dressing this way you are becoming a more modest and respected muslimah.

    Perhaps if you're really worried you can start off with an abaya that has some neutral shade rather than black as black can come off as extreme / intimidating to those not used to it.

    Be a proud Muslimah xx
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Mashallah! It's great that you want to wear the abaya may allah swt reward you.

    This may be a bit hypocritical coming from me as I don't wear the abaya myself (school policy) but just give it a try and see how it goes, as you say your friends like you for who you are so I'm sure they won't think too much of it if you wear it.

    It might shock them at the start but sis you have to remember you do not live to please your friends, you live to please Allah swt and by dressing this way you are becoming a more modest and respected muslimah.

    Perhaps if you're really worried you can start off with an abaya that has some neutral shade rather than black as black can come off as extreme / intimidating to those not used to it.

    Be a proud Muslimah xx
    Thank you for the advice! Yeah I was gonna go with a taupe open-front one that has hidden buttons for me to close it with during salah, and then I could half-open it to make it look like a maxi cardigan and it wouldn't be such a shock.. I think the hijab is what would really shock them, but I know at the end of the day it's not about them, it's about me and my relationship with Allah SWT. Aaaahh I'm just so excited to finally feel like a Muslim all the time rather than just in my room Do you still wear hijab at home in front of your dad/brothers? I think my dad would have a fit if he saw me wearing a light scarf, forget hijab hahaha :P I was thinking I could wear hijab and abaya if I'm with non-mahram and get away with just loose modest clothing at home with my immediate family, but I'm not sure because some people say it's okay and others say you can't :/
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    Why does wearing a hijab or not guarantee your place in heaven?

    Surely it's the actions and character of a man (or a woman) that are the most important.
    I would ditch the hijab or whatever, just try to have an inner scorecard in life and become a better you.

    Become more kinder, compassionate, knowledgable, approachable and reasonable.
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    And also following religion just to please god and get into heaven is frankly a joke.

    It's all about self development, if you can't understand that, you are becoming brainwashed like that rest of them. If people who you want to love you, actually do, you have succeeded in life, if not, you have failed.
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    (Original post by fyey)
    And also following religion just to please god and get into heaven is frankly a joke.

    It's all about self development, if you can't understand that, you are becoming brainwashed like that rest of them. If people who you want to love you, actually do, you have succeeded in life, if not, you have failed.
    So does what I want for myself not count if it seems "brainwashed" to you?

    My first thought to wear hijab and abaya wasn't to please Allah swt or anyone else around me - in fact it would be pretty uncomfortable for a while, in my situation!

    I only began thinking of it because I knew that it would make me happier about myself, because even just wearing it alone makes me really feel good. Everything else that may or may not come with it is just a bonus to me. Is it still advised to ditch it then?
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    Salaam sis. May Allah SWT reward you. Ameen. I am so glad to know you want to improve yourself as a Muslimah for the better, insha'Allah.

    Abaya does not look strange at all actually, and it saves you so much time getting ready, trust me. When I started wearing the abaya, it was also my own will and not because my parents told me Alhamdulillah. I have actually gained more respect believe it or not by wearing one and just feel happier. Although, sometimes I do switch to wearing long skirts, long dresses etc
    You will start to love the abaya soon when you get used to it so dw.

    If your friends are true friends then they will be happy for you, and also sis I would advice you to stay with good company. Don't join your friends when they are doing haram activities but still don't treat them differently and be a nice friend but keep within limits. If someone has a problem with you wearing an abaya then just remember you're not here to please them or fulfil their desires, but your creator.

    Just keep praying and try get rid of prohibited acts one at a time insha'Allah. If you have the right intention and will then Allah SWT will surely guide you and make it easier for you.

    <3
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    (Original post by Noorisaurus)
    So does what I want for myself not count if it seems "brainwashed" to you?

    My first thought to wear hijab and abaya wasn't to please Allah swt or anyone else around me - in fact it would be pretty uncomfortable for a while, in my situation!

    I only began thinking of it because I knew that it would make me happier about myself, because even just wearing it alone makes me really feel good. Everything else that may or may not come with it is just a bonus to me. Is it still advised to ditch it then?
    Why does wearing a headscarf make you happy?

    There is obviously a reason behind it. There must be a motive. Whether it's to please someone, or get into heaven or whatever crackpot ideas people have.
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    (Original post by Noorisaurus)
    Thank you for the advice! Yeah I was gonna go with a taupe open-front one that has hidden buttons for me to close it with during salah, and then I could half-open it to make it look like a maxi cardigan and it wouldn't be such a shock.. I think the hijab is what would really shock them, but I know at the end of the day it's not about them, it's about me and my relationship with Allah SWT. Aaaahh I'm just so excited to finally feel like a Muslim all the time rather than just in my room Do you still wear hijab at home in front of your dad/brothers? I think my dad would have a fit if he saw me wearing a light scarf, forget hijab hahaha :P I was thinking I could wear hijab and abaya if I'm with non-mahram and get away with just loose modest clothing at home with my immediate family, but I'm not sure because some people say it's okay and others say you can't :/
    You don't have to wear hijab in front of mahrams so you don't have to wear it in front of your dad if you feel it will be awkward. If you go out in public with them you should cover though, they will get used to it inshallah they're your parents
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    (Original post by h333)
    Salaam sis. May Allah SWT reward you. Ameen. I am so glad to know you want to improve yourself as a Muslimah for the better, insha'Allah.

    Abaya does not look strange at all actually, and it saves you so much time getting ready, trust me. When I started wearing the abaya, it was also my own will and not because my parents told me Alhamdulillah. I have actually gained more respect believe it or not by wearing one and just feel happier. Although, sometimes I do switch to wearing long skirts, long dresses etc
    You will start to love the abaya soon when you get used to it so dw.

    If your friends are true friends then they will be happy for you, and also sis I would advice you to stay with good company. Don't join your friends when they are doing haram activities but still don't treat them differently and be a nice friend but keep within limits. If someone has a problem with you wearing an abaya then just remember you're not here to please them or fulfil their desires, but your creator.

    Just keep praying and try get rid of prohibited acts one at a time insha'Allah. If you have the right intention and will then Allah SWT will surely guide you and make it easier for you.

    <3
    You guys are all brainwashed.

    There is no creator to please, you only have to develop yourself. When you are doing actions for the sake of reward, you are behaving at a childish level.

    You should be performing action without the sake of reward, it's this childlike mentality that doesn't let you develop. Have an inner scorecard, you have no one to impress.

    It's a bit like this, I'll be nice, so I go to heaven and you rot in hell. Which is absurd.
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    (Original post by fyey)
    Why does wearing a headscarf make you happy?

    There is obviously a reason behind it. There must be a motive. Whether it's to please someone, or get into heaven or whatever crackpot ideas people have.
    I experienced all three areas - from not being religious at all, to doing good things but not being religious, to actually practicing religion. There is something about being able to believe that you can unload all your worries and fears on something higher than you, that you just can't find in anything else. Actually embracing religion helped me cope with so much that was going on in my life, and I want to be able to express that happiness in all aspects of my life - including the social ones.. to be honest wearing hijab just feels like one massive comfort blanket to me :P that no matter what I'm doing I'm always reminded of the thing that brought me so much peace.. I just think it's kind of beautiful.
    My point is, although it will of course get me loads of Allah points, that is not my first intention and main reason - I'm not doing it because I have to or I was bribed to, I'm doing it because honestly I know I'll feel happier when I do.
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    (Original post by Noorisaurus)
    Hi everyone,

    I'm a second year student at Lancaster university. In the past couple months I've really gotten in touch with religion, and to be honest in all my time at uni I've never felt more at peace! I've decided that I want to wear hijab and abaya, but I am very scared of the reaction I would get.

    A bit of back story: before these last few months I was never even close to religious - I mean I was the drinking, smoking, constantly going out type of person. My family are quite loose with religion as well, and they don't know about any of this but obviously I know they'd be happy to see me happy. It's my friends that I'm worried about :/ The thing is, all of my friends know me as the person that's up for partying every week and all.. they have seen me pray a few times recently and I think that they think I don't drink anymore because I'm too busy with uni work, and I don't have the heart to correct that because I'm scared they might look at me differently. I know they're my friends and they'll love me no matter what but it's obvious that there will be a kind of distance/barrier when I no longer go out with them, I'm the only one in the group that wears a scarf, I take breaks to pray etc. Essentially my friendships are built based on a character that I want to get rid of.

    On top of that, I've never seen anyone in my uni (not exaggerating) wear an abaya, just hijab. I'd like to wear both just for the ease of prayer, so I don't have to carry them with me all the time.. plus my heart tells me it'll make me happy! I would love to represent myself as a Muslim, but I might compromise friendships in the process?

    I know that it's my decision about my relationship with God but all these factors are so complicated, plus what if I slip up in front of them and they think I'm a bad Muslim, obviously I'm not perfect sometimes I listen to music because I feel like it or I swear, I can't be 100% on it when I've changed so drastically in such a short time but would they understand that?

    I think I've given you an idea of how downright confusing my thoughts are right now haha. Has anyone else been in the same boat at any time, or still is? What are your thoughts? How did you cope? Are there any tips you could give me?

    Thanks!xx
    Do whatever makes you happy, provided it does not harm anyone (not that in your situation it really won't, just speaking in a more general sense).

    No-one should have a problem whether you decide to wear it or not.
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    (Original post by h333)
    Salaam sis. May Allah SWT reward you. Ameen. I am so glad to know you want to improve yourself as a Muslimah for the better, insha'Allah.

    Abaya does not look strange at all actually, and it saves you so much time getting ready, trust me. When I started wearing the abaya, it was also my own will and not because my parents told me Alhamdulillah. I have actually gained more respect believe it or not by wearing one and just feel happier. Although, sometimes I do switch to wearing long skirts, long dresses etc
    You will start to love the abaya soon when you get used to it so dw.

    If your friends are true friends then they will be happy for you, and also sis I would advice you to stay with good company. Don't join your friends when they are doing haram activities but still don't treat them differently and be a nice friend but keep within limits. If someone has a problem with you wearing an abaya then just remember you're not here to please them or fulfil their desires, but your creator.

    Just keep praying and try get rid of prohibited acts one at a time insha'Allah. If you have the right intention and will then Allah SWT will surely guide you and make it easier for you.

    <3
    Thank you for the advice!

    Yeah, I still meet my friends all the time obviously, I can't live without them :P and I hope that our friendships won't change once I start wearing abaya, but if they do then at least I'll know that those friendships were weak in the first place.. I mean if they can't accept me for who I am then how can that friendship be real?

    Also, do you wear hijab at home in front of your dad/brothers? I've gotten mixed replies as to whether it's necessary or not, considering that they're mahram.
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    (Original post by fyey)
    ....
    Yeah, heard of that one before.
    "You're brainwashed blah blah"
    Looks like all humans are brainwashed one or another then.

    Don't need to be so butthurt. And if you don't believe in a creator then it shouldn't even matter to you. Bye.
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    (Original post by Noorisaurus)
    I experienced all three areas - from not being religious at all, to doing good things but not being religious, to actually practicing religion. There is something about being able to believe that you can unload all your worries and fears on something higher than you, that you just can't find in anything else. Actually embracing religion helped me cope with so much that was going on in my life, and I want to be able to express that happiness in all aspects of my life - including the social ones.. to be honest wearing hijab just feels like one massive comfort blanket to me :P that no matter what I'm doing I'm always reminded of the thing that brought me so much peace.. I just think it's kind of beautiful.
    My point is, although it will of course get me loads of Allah points, that is not my first intention and main reason - I'm not doing it because I have to or I was bribed to, I'm doing it because honestly I know I'll feel happier when I do.
    I leave you with a quote from the bhagavad gita, one of the hindu scriptures part of the epic mahabharata.

    "You have the right to perform your duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities and never be attached to not doing your duty"

    Verse 47, Chapter 2, Bhagavad Gita

    If you can live life like this, you will be 100% happy.
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    (Original post by fyey)
    You guys are all brainwashed.

    There is no creator to please, you only have to develop yourself. When you are doing actions for the sake of reward, you are behaving at a childish level.

    You should be performing action without the sake of reward, it's this childlike mentality that doesn't let you develop. Have an inner scorecard, you have no one to impress.

    It's a bit like this, I'll be nice, so I go to heaven and you rot in hell. Which is absurd.
    Don't you have anything better to do?
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    (Original post by h333)
    Yeah, heard of that one before.
    "You're brainwashed blah blah"
    Looks like all humans are brainwashed one or another then.

    Don't need to be so butthurt. And if you don't believe in a creator then it shouldn't even matter to you. Bye.
    I do believe in god, but I also believe you are brainwashed.

    You intentions are to reward yourself, which in itself is a flaw. Remember in this world, action is greater than inaction. Action without attachment to fruits of action (rewards) is even greater.

    You will only achieve freedom from that, when you have no desires, they lead to anger (like you just showed me now) and it will further ruin you as a person.
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Don't you have anything better to do?
    You act in this way for self gratification and reward, my intentions are far superior to yours, since I'm not plagued by a reward loss system.

    Learn from the hindus, they are far above you muslims. You may have the dedication to god, but you fail to understand what it means to act in this world.
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    (Original post by Noorisaurus)
    Thank you for the advice!

    Yeah, I still meet my friends all the time obviously, I can't live without them :P and I hope that our friendships won't change once I start wearing abaya, but if they do then at least I'll know that those friendships were weak in the first place.. I mean if they can't accept me for who I am then how can that friendship be real?

    Also, do you wear hijab at home in front of your dad/brothers? I've gotten mixed replies as to whether it's necessary or not, considering that they're mahram.
    You're welcome xx

    Aww that's nice, insha'Allah they won't change much or mistreat you, it is just like a long dress and you just wanting to cover yourself, so don't know why that would bother them so much. If they do chanage their behaviour with you, then still treat them nicely, observe patience and maintain good character insha'Allah. Remember, not everyone will agree with your decision, but we still have to follow our deen (religion) and not our and others prohibited desires.

    At home, I wear the hijab loosely and don't really get worried if my head is uncovered in front of my dad or brothers as they are my mahrams. However, I believe it is good to preserve modesty and haya all the time. And because I am so used it to now, I dont feel good without one in the house too, like I still wear it loosely at least.

    You can read this for better understanding:
    https://islamqa.info/en/5538
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    (Original post by fyey)
    I do believe in god, but I also believe you are brainwashed.

    You intentions are to reward yourself, which in itself is a flaw. Remember in this world, action is greater than inaction. Action without attachment to fruits of action (rewards) is even greater.

    You will only achieve freedom from that, when you have no desires, they lead to anger (like you just showed me now) and it will further ruin you as a person.
    Good for you.

    Thanks for conveying your message, I appreciate it but I have already chosen my path and way of life which is Islam Alhamdulillah.
    I am really, really, really happy. Life is not perfect but knowing I follow Islam makes me happy and forget my worries.

    Oh believe me, I am not ruined at all following the way of my creator, I have gained great benefits, satisfaction and feels rewarding.
 
 
 
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