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    A boy who's a part of the friendship group I'm in in starting to cause a few issues. A female friend of mine is in a position where he is very possessive of her. She's gay, so has no feelings for him at all, but he doesn't seem to care about that. He's very possessive, ordering her not to drink alcohol at parties, getting angry when she does, he always takes her away from the group so they can be 'alone together'. He is furious when she spends time with other friends if she promised to be with him. He can also be a little 'handsy', in a way that's not threatening, but still slightly weird. (putting an arm around her, constant hugs etc)
    The reason I'm saying all this is because he does similar things with me, but to a lesser degree. I'm a lot more strong willed than this other girl, and I say when he's crossed a line. He asks me out frequently despite me telling him no each time. He was also adamantly not going to university until I applied to go, and then he applied for the exact same course at the exact same university as me. This is why I'm worried. The other girl will be at a different uni next year, but if he gets in, he'll be with me all the time, and he might be the same with me as he is with her now.
    What do I do? He's not a terrible person. He's pretty kind, and I do know that he's been through a hell of a lot of family issues and bereavement, but that doesn't excuse this behaviour, in my opinion.
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    I'm surprised you haven't got a restraining order, you need to tell this guy straight about how you are feeling and to stop stalking you.
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    (Original post by Cari98)
    The reason I'm saying all this is because he does similar things with me, but to a lesser degree. I'm a lot more strong willed than this other girl, and I say when he's crossed a line. He asks me out frequently despite me telling him no each time. He was also adamantly not going to university until I applied to go, and then he applied for the exact same course at the exact same university as me. This is why I'm worried. The other girl will be at a different uni next year, but if he gets in, he'll be with me all the time, and he might be the same with me as he is with her now.
    What do I do? He's not a terrible person. He's pretty kind, and I do know that he's been through a hell of a lot of family issues and bereavement, but that doesn't excuse this behaviour, in my opinion.
    This is a total red flag. Distance yourself from him and put your foot down; don't accept his behaviour. I've known someone in this position... it was awful for them. It will not end well.
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    (Original post by TheIncredibleZ)
    I'm surprised you haven't got a restraining order, you need to tell this guy straight about how you are feeling and to stop stalking you.
    (Original post by SinsNotTragedies)
    This is a total red flag. Distance yourself from him and put your foot down; don't accept his behaviour. I've known someone in this position... it was awful for them. It will not end well.
    Yeah recently we told the rest of the group, because it wasn't blatant enough for them to realise otherwise. In some ways I feel guilty because he can be nice, and like I say, he's been through a lot. I'm also not even sure he's aware of how he is. But it's just making me too uncomfortable to do nothing about. I've stopped replying to his messages, so I hope he gets the hint soon :/
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    (Original post by Cari98)
    Yeah recently we told the rest of the group, because it wasn't blatant enough for them to realise otherwise. In some ways I feel guilty because he can be nice, and like I say, he's been through a lot. I'm also not even sure he's aware of how he is. But it's just making me too uncomfortable to do nothing about. I've stopped replying to his messages, so I hope he gets the hint soon :/
    You were correct in your previous post, his experiences are no excuse. It was the same with the person I knew, but ultimately he must be reasonably aware - if not completely aware - that he is crossing a line here. And you shouldn't have to suffer because of anyone else and their life experiences. Hope this gets resolved, all the best.
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    (Original post by SinsNotTragedies)
    You were correct in your previous post, his experiences are no excuse. It was the same with the person I knew, but ultimately he must be reasonably aware - if not completely aware - that he is crossing a line here. And you shouldn't have to suffer because of anyone else and their life experiences. Hope this gets resolved, all the best.
    Thanks so much, I'm really going to try to distance myself from him...and if not, tell him straight
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    Hmm, what does you father think about this?
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    (Original post by StormCommando)
    Hmm, what does you father think about this?
    Haven't told him, why?
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    (Original post by Cari98)
    Haven't told him, why?
    Because I think it's within your dad's interests to ensure his daughter isn't being creeped on by weirdos. What's more, he might have some advice or a solution.
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    (Original post by Cari98)
    A boy who's a part of the friendship group I'm in in starting to cause a few issues. A female friend of mine is in a position where he is very possessive of her. She's gay, so has no feelings for him at all, but he doesn't seem to care about that. He's very possessive, ordering her not to drink alcohol at parties, getting angry when she does, he always takes her away from the group so they can be 'alone together'. He is furious when she spends time with other friends if she promised to be with him. He can also be a little 'handsy', in a way that's not threatening, but still slightly weird. (putting an arm around her, constant hugs etc)
    The reason I'm saying all this is because he does similar things with me, but to a lesser degree. I'm a lot more strong willed than this other girl, and I say when he's crossed a line. He asks me out frequently despite me telling him no each time. He was also adamantly not going to university until I applied to go, and then he applied for the exact same course at the exact same university as me. This is why I'm worried. The other girl will be at a different uni next year, but if he gets in, he'll be with me all the time, and he might be the same with me as he is with her now.
    What do I do? He's not a terrible person. He's pretty kind, and I do know that he's been through a hell of a lot of family issues and bereavement, but that doesn't excuse this behaviour, in my opinion.
    I wouldnt worry about it.

    1. There are five choices of Uni he or you might not get the offer..
    2. He or you might not get the grades.
    3. Unis are big places and you might never see him or live anywhere near him. Even on the same course you can sit elsewhere.
    4. Things will probably have come to a head before then. Ask him not to, If he ignores that then ask him unequivocally not to, if he gets angry or ignores at that stage drop him. Sometimes you need to deal with difficult situations. the poor behaviour is his, so if you end up not being friends it is his issue and not yours to worry about. His behaviour with the other girl is wrong.
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    (Original post by StormCommando)
    Because I think it's within your dad's interests to ensure his daughter isn't being creeped on by weirdos. What's more, he might have some advice or a solution.
    Good idea actually. I hadn't really told him yet because I felt like I could handle it myself. But it's fast looking like I can't.

    Mind you, my dad is the kind that'd be like 'tell me his name and address and me and your brothers will pay him a visit'
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I wouldnt worry about it.

    1. There are five choices of Uni he or you might not get the offer..
    2. He or you might not get the grades.
    3. Unis are big places and you might never see him or live anywhere near him. Even on the same course you can sit elsewhere.
    4. Things will probably have come to a head before then. Ask him not to, If he ignores that then ask him unequivocally not to, if he gets angry or ignores at that stage drop him. Sometimes you need to deal with difficult situations. the poor behaviour is his, so if you end up not being friends it is his issue and not yours to worry about. His behaviour with the other girl is wrong.
    Thanks. Kinda needed someone to tell me straight how it is, I've been panicking about it a fair bit
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    (Original post by Cari98)
    Thanks. Kinda needed someone to tell me straight how it is, I've been panicking about it a fair bit
    He is inexperienced and used to getting his own way, Hence bossy. You need to be firm and assertive then he wont bother either of you. be prepared to lose him as a friend if he pays your wishes no regard. he may not understand what he is doing. If he reacts poorly, especially when you give him the chance then just drop him as that isnt the behaviour of a friend. Do it after consulting with the other girl.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    He is inexperienced and used to getting his own way, Hence bossy. You need to be firm and assertive then he wont bother either of you. be prepared to lose him as a friend if he pays your wishes no regard. he may not understand what he is doing. If he reacts poorly, especially when you give him the chance then just drop him as that isnt the behaviour of a friend. Do it after consulting with the other girl.
    That's exactly what it is, I couldn't put it into words. He buys her things and takes her out for coffee and meals a lot, and does the whole 'but I'm a nice guy, I bought you stuff' thing when she tries to argue. I've never let him pay for anything for me or get me anything, so he doesn't have that on me. Since me and this girl have got closer through this, she's become a little more assertive...we're going to try to sort this out together
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    (Original post by Cari98)
    That's exactly what it is, I couldn't put it into words. He buys her things and takes her out for coffee and meals a lot, and does the whole 'but I'm a nice guy, I bought you stuff' thing when she tries to argue. I've never let him pay for anything for me or get me anything, so he doesn't have that on me. Since me and this girl have got closer through this, she's become a little more assertive...we're going to try to sort this out together
    Perhaps you need to talk to her and suggest its not a good thing to let him take her out for meals etc because he thinks he is buying the right to treat her that way i.e he is owed something. If she stops that or pays her own way then you are both less obligated to him. If he does argue and fall out be prepared and also announce it to your friends or on social media. When you ask him not to do things then say it calmly and dont accuse. that way he has a chance of being friends just needs to alter his behaviour. He sounds young so he may not take it well and get pushy (dont be afraid) just drop him. Might be uncomfy, but he will then show he is unreasonable and not really a friend.
 
 
 
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