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Boyfriend going against my wishes.
My boyfriend likes to go out to the pub with his friends sometimes, and I'm okay with it for the most part. However, I found out a bit ago that as he is only 17, he isn't meant to be inside the pub after a certain time (I'm not from the UK so I'm unfamiliar with UK laws). He still makes the choice to go out to the pub with his friends during these times, even after being kicked out before because he was unable to produce ID.
I've expressed to him that I do not want him making these stupid choices because he can get into serious trouble if the wrong person catches him. He just doesn't want to take my feelings into consideration and chooses to go out anyways because otherwise he "feels left out" of his friend group (most of them are 18). Personally, I think this is the dumbest excuse in the book. If all of his friends drive off the side of a cliff, is he going to do it because he would feel left out otherwise?!?
I'm at a loss on what to do here. I always respect his wishes when it comes to similar situations. I don't want to break up with him. I just want to find a way to resolve this, where I don't have to constantly worry that he is going to **** up his life just because he wanted to "fit in".
I've expressed to him that I do not want him making these stupid choices because he can get into serious trouble if the wrong person catches him. He just doesn't want to take my feelings into consideration and chooses to go out anyways because otherwise he "feels left out" of his friend group (most of them are 18). Personally, I think this is the dumbest excuse in the book. If all of his friends drive off the side of a cliff, is he going to do it because he would feel left out otherwise?!?
I'm at a loss on what to do here. I always respect his wishes when it comes to similar situations. I don't want to break up with him. I just want to find a way to resolve this, where I don't have to constantly worry that he is going to **** up his life just because he wanted to "fit in".
Maybe because you're not from the UK you see this as a bigger deal that what it is. It's pretty common for 17 year olds to try getting served in pubs and other places. He's not really going to ruin his life by doing this and I don't know how to resolve this other than stop telling him what to do when he wants to hang with his mates.
Peer Pressure is what it's called. Sociology GCSE taught me well 
Or maybe he just wants to do that and you can't force him to change that. If he gets into trouble then you'll know that you tried
Or maybe he just wants to do that and you can't force him to change that. If he gets into trouble then you'll know that you tried
It isn't an offence to be in a pub at 17, nothing will happen to him.
Lol, I think you're over-reacting. He's not really doing much wrong, is he...
The worst that can happen to him, in the real world, is being kicked out of a pub. No one will beat him up for the crime of being 17 and the only people at risk of prosecution are the license holders of whatever pub he happens to get served at. Bear in mind that he's 17 years old, and so as much as I don't want to hurt your feelings the chances are that his friends mean at least as much to him as his girlfriend- and he'll probably know those boys long after the two of you part ways (not for certain, of course, but it's statistically likely). I suspect that there's something other than concern for his future prospects motivating your demands, and I don't think you're being reasonable.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend likes to go out to the pub with his friends sometimes, and I'm okay with it for the most part. However, I found out a bit ago that as he is only 17, he isn't meant to be inside the pub after a certain time (I'm not from the UK so I'm unfamiliar with UK laws). He still makes the choice to go out to the pub with his friends during these times, even after being kicked out before because he was unable to produce ID.
I've expressed to him that I do not want him making these stupid choices because he can get into serious trouble if the wrong person catches him. He just doesn't want to take my feelings into consideration and chooses to go out anyways because otherwise he "feels left out" of his friend group (most of them are 18). Personally, I think this is the dumbest excuse in the book. If all of his friends drive off the side of a cliff, is he going to do it because he would feel left out otherwise?!?
I'm at a loss on what to do here. I always respect his wishes when it comes to similar situations. I don't want to break up with him. I just want to find a way to resolve this, where I don't have to constantly worry that he is going to **** up his life just because he wanted to "fit in".
I've expressed to him that I do not want him making these stupid choices because he can get into serious trouble if the wrong person catches him. He just doesn't want to take my feelings into consideration and chooses to go out anyways because otherwise he "feels left out" of his friend group (most of them are 18). Personally, I think this is the dumbest excuse in the book. If all of his friends drive off the side of a cliff, is he going to do it because he would feel left out otherwise?!?
I'm at a loss on what to do here. I always respect his wishes when it comes to similar situations. I don't want to break up with him. I just want to find a way to resolve this, where I don't have to constantly worry that he is going to **** up his life just because he wanted to "fit in".
It is natural to worry but you got to let him make his own choices. He is allowed a social life as well.
I like how everyone here is attacking me like I'm doing something so horribly wrong by asking my boyfriend to respect my wishes like he would expect me to respect his when we've come to an agreement. If he asked me not to drink here (where it's currently illegal for me to drink) and we both agreed that it was a reasonable request as he had my best interest at heart, and then I turned around and did it anyways because all my friends were doing it and I felt "left out", he would get angry with me for disrespecting his wishes and rightfully so. The difference is, I wouldn't because I know it's against the law and that I can get arrested and fined for doing so.
Judging by everyone that has commented so far, apparently, laws regarding alcohol must not matter in the UK?? From what I've read, a minor can be fined up to 1,000 pounds for trying to buy alcohol...
For all of you attacking me for being unreasonable or preventing him from having a social life, I literally said in my original post that I don't mind him going out with his friends. I do not have an issue with him having fun, as long as he isn't breaking any laws while doing so. In turn, I am "allowed" the same freedoms. As any significant other should want, I just want my boyfriend to be safe and reasonable because I don't want to see anything bad happen to him. I've seen kids our age that have ruined their lives over something as silly as a beer or weed, all because they were in the wrong place, with the wrong people (mostly cops), at the wrong time. I don't want to see this happpen to him because he has so much potential.
Judging by everyone that has commented so far, apparently, laws regarding alcohol must not matter in the UK?? From what I've read, a minor can be fined up to 1,000 pounds for trying to buy alcohol...
For all of you attacking me for being unreasonable or preventing him from having a social life, I literally said in my original post that I don't mind him going out with his friends. I do not have an issue with him having fun, as long as he isn't breaking any laws while doing so. In turn, I am "allowed" the same freedoms. As any significant other should want, I just want my boyfriend to be safe and reasonable because I don't want to see anything bad happen to him. I've seen kids our age that have ruined their lives over something as silly as a beer or weed, all because they were in the wrong place, with the wrong people (mostly cops), at the wrong time. I don't want to see this happpen to him because he has so much potential.
You're being unreasonable
He won't get in trouble. It's not illegal to be in a pub as a 17 year old. Children are allowed in pubs.
Also even if he does for whatever reason get in trouble. He'l get a slap on the wrist and that's it. Police are pretty reluctant to dish out criminal records to kids and first time offenders of petty stuff like that.
He won't get in trouble. It's not illegal to be in a pub as a 17 year old. Children are allowed in pubs.
Also even if he does for whatever reason get in trouble. He'l get a slap on the wrist and that's it. Police are pretty reluctant to dish out criminal records to kids and first time offenders of petty stuff like that.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by ChickenMadness
You're being unreasonable
He won't get in trouble. It's not illegal to be in a pub as a 17 year old. Children are allowed in pubs.
Also even if he does for whatever reason get in trouble. He'l get a slap on the wrist and that's it. Police are pretty reluctant to dish out criminal records to kids and first time offenders of petty stuff like that.
He won't get in trouble. It's not illegal to be in a pub as a 17 year old. Children are allowed in pubs.
Also even if he does for whatever reason get in trouble. He'l get a slap on the wrist and that's it. Police are pretty reluctant to dish out criminal records to kids and first time offenders of petty stuff like that.
I feel like there's been a lot of misunderstanding thus far in this thread. I don't mind him going out with his friends...in fact, I think its good for him to do so. I also don't mind him going to the pub in and of itself. He's allowed to be there.
My problem arises when I found out he was trying to get served when he's under 18. Maybe it's just a difference in culture, but where I'm from, if you get caught trying to buy alcohol when you're underage, you can get into some serious legal trouble. I just really don't want him to screw up his future over something so silly.
I've discussed it with my boyfriend last night, and he said he's not angry with me for getting upset about this and knows that I'm just trying to look out for him. We also discussed the fact that I may look at things a little too "harshly" because I've grown up somewhere where underage drinking is severely punished. He's agreed that he'll be careful, and I've agreed that I'll do a little more research on the laws in the UK so I have a clearer idea of what's okay and what's not. So, if anyone is willing to help me with this, I would really appreciate it!
Culture differences can be rough in relationships, I'm here to vouch for that one! I can't tell you how many times I've had dumb little disagreements with my boyfriend because we didn't realize some of the differences.
I have never seen or heard of a 17 year old ruining their life by drinking. Even the police tend to be soft on underage drinkers and are more concerned with making sure they get home safe etc than punishing them. The only way underage drinking is a big problem is if you actually sell or buy the alcohol for an underage person without appropriate ID. He won't get in trouble and he won't ruin your life.
I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here because while I'd ask my boyfriend's advice on decisions I make in my life, I would listen to that advice and then make my own decision. We never forbid each other to do anything and both have total freedom in our lives and I think that's the norm for a healthy relationship in the UK. Providing your partner isn't doing something which really oversteps a line e.g. cheating, job as a prostitute, hard drugs etc then you really can't try and stop them doing something.
I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here because while I'd ask my boyfriend's advice on decisions I make in my life, I would listen to that advice and then make my own decision. We never forbid each other to do anything and both have total freedom in our lives and I think that's the norm for a healthy relationship in the UK. Providing your partner isn't doing something which really oversteps a line e.g. cheating, job as a prostitute, hard drugs etc then you really can't try and stop them doing something.
Original post by doodle_333
I have never seen or heard of a 17 year old ruining their life by drinking. Even the police tend to be soft on underage drinkers and are more concerned with making sure they get home safe etc than punishing them. The only way underage drinking is a big problem is if you actually sell or buy the alcohol for an underage person without appropriate ID. He won't get in trouble and he won't ruin your life.
I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here because while I'd ask my boyfriend's advice on decisions I make in my life, I would listen to that advice and then make my own decision. We never forbid each other to do anything and both have total freedom in our lives and I think that's the norm for a healthy relationship in the UK. Providing your partner isn't doing something which really oversteps a line e.g. cheating, job as a prostitute, hard drugs etc then you really can't try and stop them doing something.
I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here because while I'd ask my boyfriend's advice on decisions I make in my life, I would listen to that advice and then make my own decision. We never forbid each other to do anything and both have total freedom in our lives and I think that's the norm for a healthy relationship in the UK. Providing your partner isn't doing something which really oversteps a line e.g. cheating, job as a prostitute, hard drugs etc then you really can't try and stop them doing something.
I'm in agreement here! I haven't forbid him from doing anything...in the end his decisions are his decisions! If he gets in trouble, he's the one who is going to have to deal with the consequences, not me. I've always told him to make his own decisions on things. We have a very communication-based relationship, and both take each other's feelings into account. I can definitely say there have been times for both of us where we have made the decision not to do something because we knew our partner wasn't too happy with the idea, and we were okay with not doing so. And if our partner made the decision to go anyways, we would respect that and just ask the other to be safe, etc. I think every relationship has ground rules for what the couple agrees is okay and what's not (some are okay with open relationships, other people are against it). For us, we made a "ground rule" against illegal behavior, as I'm very much against breaking the law. My boyfriend (generally speaking) agrees for drugs, etc; but has a different view on alcohol. I guess this is something we are just going to have to sit down and talk out, so we know where the other person stands on the situation. Thankfully it won't be an issue for much longer
Well I don't think your doing anything wrong, it's natural to be worried as you care and don't want him gettin in trouble but it's not that much of a big issue. Try tellin him maybe to hang out with other people or go to other places. If he wants to go because of his friends there's not much you can say or he may think you don't like his friends or something. He's not that much younger than 18 so it's not a big deal tbh just try tellin him if your really worried and see what he says?
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