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Getting bored of friends? Or are they just not the right friends for me?
Hey all,
basically...
I think i may have some relationship issues... i find it hard to trust people and to be completely comfortable around others..
I always find myself wanting to make other friends even though some of the friends i do currently have are awesome but im not very very close to anyone... I am always interested in talking/meeting to other people even though i dont usually have the confidence to approach people. Btw im female, 18 and in my life i have never ever had one person i was completely open to even with family members. At times, i am very social and bubbly but other times i just want to be alone and not see anyone. Sometimes i just enjoy my own company. I always find myself, once i have made an amazing friend, to start distancing myself from them.. for example, i wont pick up the phone when they ring me, or i cant be bothered to reply to an email and this always makes me feel really guilty and depresses me. I am awful at keeping in touch with people. I dont know..do i just have a lazy personality? or am i just telling myself that i like them when subconciously i am not entirely happy and thus havent yet found the right friends for me..
I am confused as to why i am like that..just want to understand...is anyone else like that?
basically...
I think i may have some relationship issues... i find it hard to trust people and to be completely comfortable around others..
I always find myself wanting to make other friends even though some of the friends i do currently have are awesome but im not very very close to anyone... I am always interested in talking/meeting to other people even though i dont usually have the confidence to approach people. Btw im female, 18 and in my life i have never ever had one person i was completely open to even with family members. At times, i am very social and bubbly but other times i just want to be alone and not see anyone. Sometimes i just enjoy my own company. I always find myself, once i have made an amazing friend, to start distancing myself from them.. for example, i wont pick up the phone when they ring me, or i cant be bothered to reply to an email and this always makes me feel really guilty and depresses me. I am awful at keeping in touch with people. I dont know..do i just have a lazy personality? or am i just telling myself that i like them when subconciously i am not entirely happy and thus havent yet found the right friends for me..
I am confused as to why i am like that..just want to understand...is anyone else like that?
Reply 1
I have a friend who has a similar problem to you, she is okay around me because she has learned that I am someone who she can trust, because I have helped her on many occasions, but we have fallen out many times over stupid little things because we are both paranoid, but we always make up and somehow we have become the best of friends because we are both just like each other I suppose. The main problem why my friend finds it hard to trust people is because she has insecurites about herself such as her weight and sometimes she will twist the words of others and she gets it into her head that they have said something to insult her when they have said something completely different and even she will see a compliment as an insult if it is anything to do with appearance.
You want to make friends but because you find it hard to trust people it is making it difficult for you. The whole point of friendship is that you need to find people who you can trust and who you are happy being around, but you need to give people a chance to shine, sometimes people who seem to be the average joe can often turn out to be some of the nicest people that you have ever met. You need to stop being so tense and have confidence in yourself so that you can be confident around others. You say that you have a good set of friends already and that you want to be close to them. You need to make the effort to get out more. You seem to be someone who would benefit by having just a few, but very close friends who can be with you whenever you feel that you need them for support or company. I think that there is something deeper than the surface problem and there is only you who knows what that problem is. My friend's deeper problem was that she had been psychologically affected by some events at home and this had led to her feeling depressed and had even affected her studies. She became like a hermit and wouldn't go out as much because she was so upset and she felt that if she went out she would fail her coursework through enjoying herself, although she was doing very well after a couple of weeks. You need to make more effort to keep in contact with your friends, as by ignoring them you are making them feel unwanted, as a result they will fall out with you most likely. If someone breaks contact with you, the other party involved wonders why. You need to talk to your friends so that you know whether you do truly want to hang around with them, and as I said before they may be totally different people from the visions that you have of them. By ignoring them you are only making yourself feel worse, so what harm would it do to spend more time with them. If you want to stay in, why don't you invite a friend round to your house to watch a dvd, which means you can chill out, but still have someone around to talk to. You are entitled to your own private space and you should tell your friends that you want to be alone sometimes. If you explain this to them then this will separate the true friends from the less trustworthy, the best friends will respect your privacy.
You want to make friends but because you find it hard to trust people it is making it difficult for you. The whole point of friendship is that you need to find people who you can trust and who you are happy being around, but you need to give people a chance to shine, sometimes people who seem to be the average joe can often turn out to be some of the nicest people that you have ever met. You need to stop being so tense and have confidence in yourself so that you can be confident around others. You say that you have a good set of friends already and that you want to be close to them. You need to make the effort to get out more. You seem to be someone who would benefit by having just a few, but very close friends who can be with you whenever you feel that you need them for support or company. I think that there is something deeper than the surface problem and there is only you who knows what that problem is. My friend's deeper problem was that she had been psychologically affected by some events at home and this had led to her feeling depressed and had even affected her studies. She became like a hermit and wouldn't go out as much because she was so upset and she felt that if she went out she would fail her coursework through enjoying herself, although she was doing very well after a couple of weeks. You need to make more effort to keep in contact with your friends, as by ignoring them you are making them feel unwanted, as a result they will fall out with you most likely. If someone breaks contact with you, the other party involved wonders why. You need to talk to your friends so that you know whether you do truly want to hang around with them, and as I said before they may be totally different people from the visions that you have of them. By ignoring them you are only making yourself feel worse, so what harm would it do to spend more time with them. If you want to stay in, why don't you invite a friend round to your house to watch a dvd, which means you can chill out, but still have someone around to talk to. You are entitled to your own private space and you should tell your friends that you want to be alone sometimes. If you explain this to them then this will separate the true friends from the less trustworthy, the best friends will respect your privacy.
Reply 2
I find keeping friends difficult. I'm good at making friends, but I'm often the least liked and often clash personalities with people. I made friends at college last september, but felt like I needed new ones because they just weren't what I was hoping for; I've always wanted to have that group of friends where they're all into the same things and have a close knit relationship. I just can't seem to stop rubbing people up the wrong way. I've a strong personality and won't take crap, but am awfully anxious (shy) so can seem to others as 'being above' others, when quite frankly I'm petrified of them lol.
Reply 3
Maybe on some level you are scared of loosing them, so won't let yourself get close to people in the first place to spare yourself the possible pain? I sometimes push people away when they start to get close and have often wondered if this is the reason.
Reply 4
This is wierd that I stumbled on this thread, because I feel exactly like you as I read this. Im a pretty social guy and I have those friends who you are supposed to feel super strongly about till death, but deep down I feel disconnected from them, Im 18 too so it could just be the age or something. I was raised as an only child though so maybe its just me being used to doing things on my own in life. Im the same way with my parents too.
I do the same thing with people on the phone. I feel lonely sometimes and then friends will phone me or text me and Il just ignore it, because I dont feel like I connect to them at all. Its not a real problem in my life, but I do think about it alot, sometimes it just seems like im in a separate dimension (relationship wise) than everyone else.
I do the same thing with people on the phone. I feel lonely sometimes and then friends will phone me or text me and Il just ignore it, because I dont feel like I connect to them at all. Its not a real problem in my life, but I do think about it alot, sometimes it just seems like im in a separate dimension (relationship wise) than everyone else.
Reply 5
This happened to me at the end of high school and ever since then I haven't talked to my old group of friends. It was weird to be without them to begin with but it turned out to be totally for the best as they weren't good for me. Follow your heart.
Reply 6
Oh my god, I feel exactly the same. It's like I've been with the same sort of people for like 6 years now.
I mean, Year 12 (this year) is probably the closest we've been as the negative people and clingers have left. But I seriously think we're all getting bored of one another. This person says this thing so I get on the phone to the other friend as it's annoyed me. Then the person who annoyed me, calls me to complain about how the person I just called is annoyed by them and doesnt understand why.
I think all of us are really looking forward to making new friends at Uni, so in a sense I hope we all don't go to the same one (which we may do).
I mean, Year 12 (this year) is probably the closest we've been as the negative people and clingers have left. But I seriously think we're all getting bored of one another. This person says this thing so I get on the phone to the other friend as it's annoyed me. Then the person who annoyed me, calls me to complain about how the person I just called is annoyed by them and doesnt understand why.
I think all of us are really looking forward to making new friends at Uni, so in a sense I hope we all don't go to the same one (which we may do).
Reply 7
Are you 18 in your last year of college?
Cos I feel really similar, I'm a really really sociable person, love going out with my friends and meeting new people but I've realised recently that I just don't feel close to any of my mates anymore. I go out with my boyfriend a lot because I like meeting his friends (the whole I like meeting new people thing) but I feel terrible that I'm bored of my own friends.
I'm hoping that it's just that I've grown apart from my schoolfriends and that we're just not that similar and that when I go to uni I'll meet people I really get on with.
If yours is more a bigger trust issue then maybe force yourself to pick up their calls/ return their emails even if you don't want to, unless you actively dislike the person. Friendship is about making an effort and if you give yourself a chance by keeping up these friendships you might find some people you really trust.
Cos I feel really similar, I'm a really really sociable person, love going out with my friends and meeting new people but I've realised recently that I just don't feel close to any of my mates anymore. I go out with my boyfriend a lot because I like meeting his friends (the whole I like meeting new people thing) but I feel terrible that I'm bored of my own friends.
I'm hoping that it's just that I've grown apart from my schoolfriends and that we're just not that similar and that when I go to uni I'll meet people I really get on with.
If yours is more a bigger trust issue then maybe force yourself to pick up their calls/ return their emails even if you don't want to, unless you actively dislike the person. Friendship is about making an effort and if you give yourself a chance by keeping up these friendships you might find some people you really trust.
Reply 8
Maybe everyone feels like this in life, idk I kinda think its because we long for someone to connect with us at the very deepest level? as in like someone who you would tell things to that you wouldnt even admit to yourself, or u know, a partnership where that other person comes before the whole world and ditto with them. I dont want to say soul mate cuz thats kinda cliche hehe
Reply 9
I m 20 and i feel the same way sometimes..I get of bored the people i love to be with sometimes..Its just that i sometimes want my space and want to be alone and sort out my issues..I want to meet new people and make new friends but its important to maintain old friendships..Isolating oneself is not the answer...
Anonymous
Hey all,
basically...
I think i may have some relationship issues... i find it hard to trust people and to be completely comfortable around others..
I always find myself wanting to make other friends even though some of the friends i do currently have are awesome but im not very very close to anyone... I am always interested in talking/meeting to other people even though i dont usually have the confidence to approach people. Btw im female, 18 and in my life i have never ever had one person i was completely open to even with family members. At times, i am very social and bubbly but other times i just want to be alone and not see anyone. Sometimes i just enjoy my own company. I always find myself, once i have made an amazing friend, to start distancing myself from them.. for example, i wont pick up the phone when they ring me, or i cant be bothered to reply to an email and this always makes me feel really guilty and depresses me. I am awful at keeping in touch with people. I dont know..do i just have a lazy personality? or am i just telling myself that i like them when subconciously i am not entirely happy and thus havent yet found the right friends for me..
I am confused as to why i am like that..just want to understand...is anyone else like that?
basically...
I think i may have some relationship issues... i find it hard to trust people and to be completely comfortable around others..
I always find myself wanting to make other friends even though some of the friends i do currently have are awesome but im not very very close to anyone... I am always interested in talking/meeting to other people even though i dont usually have the confidence to approach people. Btw im female, 18 and in my life i have never ever had one person i was completely open to even with family members. At times, i am very social and bubbly but other times i just want to be alone and not see anyone. Sometimes i just enjoy my own company. I always find myself, once i have made an amazing friend, to start distancing myself from them.. for example, i wont pick up the phone when they ring me, or i cant be bothered to reply to an email and this always makes me feel really guilty and depresses me. I am awful at keeping in touch with people. I dont know..do i just have a lazy personality? or am i just telling myself that i like them when subconciously i am not entirely happy and thus havent yet found the right friends for me..
I am confused as to why i am like that..just want to understand...is anyone else like that?
I'm loath to spend too much time in the presence of those (relatively few) whose companionship I actually cherish for fear of becoming boring, and I tacitly rebuff everyone else because there's only so much mileage to be had out of people whose sole function will be to laugh at my jokes and tell me how clever I am. The former is a paranoia, stemming from the fact that I typically befriend people by making them laugh, and consequent misgiving that if I should stop being funny at any point then they'll spurn me; the latter is symptomatic of my narcissistic personality, and resulting tendency to seek an 'audience' even among acquaintances I'd otherwise disdain (who will inevitably mistake exhibitionism for bonhomie). Moreover, I'm somewhat anti-social: though an extrovert, I tend to prefer my own company, and the possibility that this 'private sphere' might ever be forfeit fills me with a sense of dread panic - partly for the reasons outlined above, but also because I'd sooner avoid confrontation than reject anyone outright.
So, in short: I identify completely.
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