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Advice on talking to my parents about moving out. Watch

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    Hi there, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to talk to my parents about moving out as my previous attempts have fallen apart (probably because I didn't really know what I was talking about) so I want to make sure that everything goes to plan this time.

    I think a bit of background info is needed here to help everyone understand why there's such a fight about me moving out.

    I want to start by saying that my parents are amazing and they have never done anything to make me feel like I need to move out.

    The main problem my parents have with me living alone is because of my medical issues which, I agree make everyday tasks a little more difficult.
    I've had bowel problems since I was 5 and it got to a point where my bowel is 3x the size it should be and I couldn't eat anything without feeling sick for the rest of the day. 2 years ago I had surgery and was given an ileostomy which causes it's own problems. The main problem is that I can't even look at the stoma without feeling sick so my mum helps me change the pouch.

    The main medical problem is that when I was 11 I was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the pituitary gland and one resting between the optical nerves. The main tumour completely destroyed the pituitary gland so I'm on multiple medications to replace the missing functions. I also have short term memory loss, sodium diabetes, balance problems, multiple twitches and other problems I don't really want to discuss.

    When I talk to my parents about moving out, I want to show them that I have thought hard about this and done a lot of planning before talking to them. Before writing all of this I've picked out a flat on Right Move. I knew that for me to manage, it had to be a ground floor flat with a walk in shower.
    As I previously mentioned, I found a place that fit perfectly with what I needed and decided to do a weekly and monthly budget of everything I needed and also made a moving in budget. I was planning on showing my parents it when I talk to them but I'm not too sure anymore.

    The thing is, I want to move out so I can finally become more independent and have my own life really. My 2 older sisters moved out before they reached my age (25) and to make things worse my 19 year old brother moved to the other end of the country (from Chester le Street to Brighton) so there's only me left at home.

    I want them to know that just because we have spoken about moving out, doesn't mean that in 2 weeks time I'm going to have my own place. I also want them to realise that I'll be staying close by too as moving to Middlesbrough for uni might be too much too soon.

    I know that this was a long post so thanks for reading it. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks again,
    Shaun.


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    I think making a budget is a great step but it doesn't really address your parent's actual concerns - which are health related. I think before you discuss moving out you need to demonstrate that you are able to manage your own health independently and cope with independent living. For example, change your own stoma, remember your medication yourself (set an alarm on your phone if you need to), cook meals for the family - basically do everything you'd need to do if you were living alone. There's a lot more to it than finances and I think your parents will be much more encouraging if they see that you have the life skills to cope.
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    I realise after reading this again that I've forgot a few things. I currently get about 10 hours a week where I have the house to myself (depending on my dad's shifts at work) as my mum looks after my nephews twice a week. During that time alone I manage to make myself cups of coffee and such without much trouble, mainly because I know when to stop before the twitches become too bad so I give that time to calm down.

    In reply to your comment (thank you by the way) I'm currently in charge of my medication (setting them out for the day and using reminders on my phone to make sure I take them at the right time) and checking to make sure I have enough for standard and emergency dosage. The stoma has always been a problem which I'm learning to deal with a bit more. The only thing I can't do yet is clean it and apply the new pouch but I'm working towards doing that.

    As for cooking, my mum doesn't let me use the cooker "just in case something happens" I know that if I was cooking something I'd use timers on my phone to make sure things are cooked properly and also do anything I can to simplify a task if you know what I mean.

    I've got it in my mind that moving out will not only help me to deal with the problems but it will also help my parents to see that I can manage without them being there all the time. I know myself that sometimes I get stuck in that loop of "I want to do this myself but my parents are there so they can help" and I think that will be the most difficult thing to get past.

    Thank you again for your reply, I hope this made sense lol.


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