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Physical Intimacy... Watch

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    how long into a relationship is it okay to be frustrated about the lack of physical intimacy between you and your partner?

    I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 months now and emotionally we have a great connection and we get on really well/have fun together hanging out and stuff, but in nearly 6 months there's been barely any physical intimacy between us, we've kissed like twice and hug sometimes but that's it.

    she says she isn't ready for sex or anything and I respect that but at the same time I have needs and I feel like even just a proper make out session would be awesome with her but nope, even that seems like too much for her.

    it's not like were young either, we are both in our mid 20's...

    I guess I just want other people's input, especially women, as to whether it's bad or unreasonable for me to want more?

    I feel super guilty for wanting more tbh, but yeah, I definitely do and I don't know how much longer I can keep going without any intimacy from her?

    thanks for any replies x
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    I'm a guy.

    6 months and you only "kissed twice and hugged sometimes"? Don't blame yourself. I would be frustrated as well.

    You both have too make compromises if you want to make it work. You should talk to her, tell her you love her but at the same time it can't continue like that. If she's mature she should understand...
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    (Original post by Conkerr)
    I'm a guy.

    6 months and you only "kissed twice and hugged sometimes"? Don't blame yourself. I would be frustrated as well.

    You both have too make compromises if you want to make it work. You should talk to her, tell her you love her but at the same time it can't continue like that. If she's mature she should understand...
    it's difficult though cause I don't want to hurt her feelings and I also have this thing where i kind feel like im a bad person for even thinking I want more from her, maybe it's just the circles I run in but I always been made to feel like asking a girl for more physically is a big "no-no" but at the same time I can't pretend I don't feel very frustrated so idk.
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    youve only kissed twice? Hugged a few times In six months? Youre acting more like friends than a couple?

    Is she asexual?

    You need to speak with her about this and what she is expecting. We have every right to have our needs met in a relationship. That includes physical.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    youve only kissed twice? Hugged a few times In six months? Youre acting more like friends than a couple?

    Is she asexual?

    You need to speak with her about this and what she is expecting. We have every right to have our needs met in a relationship. That includes physical.
    yes to all three...

    she's not said she's asexual, she just says she isn't ready for things, while I understand that it's been 6 months and she still isn't ready, if she doesn't feel comfortable enough around me yet for more then when will she? (I feel like a ******** for asking that even tbh but it's how I feel even if it's wrong)

    I know I probably should but again I don't want to hurt her or for her to get the wrong impression and yeah I kinda feel like I should be able to ask for more but at the same time I feel so guilty even thinking about asking for more
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yes to all three...

    she's not said she's asexual, she just says she isn't ready for things, while I understand that it's been 6 months and she still isn't ready, if she doesn't feel comfortable enough around me yet for more then when will she? (I feel like a ******** for asking that even tbh but it's how I feel even if it's wrong)

    I know I probably should but again I don't want to hurt her or for her to get the wrong impression and yeah I kinda feel like I should be able to ask for more but at the same time I feel so guilty even thinking about asking for more
    * Isn't ready for a relationship.
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    * Isn't ready for a relationship.
    hmm, if she's not then why is she going out with me and calling me her boyfriend though? do you think she will become ready?
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    I'm female and I'd be frustrated in this situation, it's not unreasonable to want more but definitely don't start pressuring her
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    I'm female and I'd be frustrated in this situation, it's not unreasonable to want more but definitely don't start pressuring her
    how do I say something without pressuring or upsetting her though?
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    I'm female and I'd be annoyed if the same happened to me.

    Maybe just give her cheek kisses when you see her and it'll take off from there?
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    it's not unreasonable to want more but it seems like your intimacy needs don't match at all, that's okay but it seems like a relationship might not work out between you in these circumstances.
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    Wow wtf I'm so bewildered by that. How does she manage to keep her hands to herself I'll never know. When I like someone I want to have sex with them really badly too. I would never be able to hold out that long. I enjoy pleasing my man even if I'm not in the mood but me not being in the mood rarely happens haha. I think that's just because I have a higher sex drive than the average girl. But yeah it definitely seems there's something wrong with her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hmm, if she's not then why is she going out with me and calling me her boyfriend though? do you think she will become ready?
    Probably she likes the idea of saying she's got a boyfriend - but having a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't just about sitting watching the box or going for walks.
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    It's fine to be frustrating but you really need to talk to her. Try and keep it non-pressuring. E.g. say 'I don't want to push you before you're ready but I'm finding the lack of intimacy difficult, do you have any idea when you'll be ready to move forwards or where the delay is coming from'. If she's a virgin and just nervous it would be helpful to know and discuss it. If she's asexual and doesn't want sex at all then you need to know so you can decide if the relationship will work. Many other possible reasons to but understanding might help you decide what to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how do I say something without pressuring or upsetting her though?
    When it comes to men there is this overall steretype that we will cajole women into having sex adn that females dont enjoy sex as much as men. so when something like this happens men wont say anything because they feel they are somehow in the wrong to expect in an adult relationship their physical needs to be addressed by a willing partner

    You have an upfront and frank communication with her. Explain how youre feeling moreso than how shes making you feel (which is frustrated and undesirable) and try to find the root cause of where this total lack of intimacy comes from.

    You cant force her to be ready but you can decide whether youre willing wait a year/two/years/five years with the level you currently are getting

    But ultimately OP you have every right to want to be fulfilled in a relationship
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    Tbh how can she expect you to be loyal if she does that smh
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how long into a relationship is it okay to be frustrated about the lack of physical intimacy between you and your partner?

    I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 months now and emotionally we have a great connection and we get on really well/have fun together hanging out and stuff, but in nearly 6 months there's been barely any physical intimacy between us, we've kissed like twice and hug sometimes but that's it.

    she says she isn't ready for sex or anything and I respect that but at the same time I have needs and I feel like even just a proper make out session would be awesome with her but nope, even that seems like too much for her.

    it's not like were young either, we are both in our mid 20's...

    I guess I just want other people's input, especially women, as to whether it's bad or unreasonable for me to want more?

    I feel super guilty for wanting more tbh, but yeah, I definitely do and I don't know how much longer I can keep going without any intimacy from her?

    thanks for any replies x
    Maybe she hasn't had much experience with intimacy and is a little worried or nervous? You should try talking to her about this, Gently though. Don't force anything on her. See what's on her mind. I wish I could even hug my boyfriend but he's 500 miles away at the moment :/ but you have your girlfriend near you. Make the most of it, I'm sure she's really lovely and if she really cares she will listen and try to see things from your point of view. It's not unreasonable for you to want more, it's natural. She might secretly want more but isn't sure how to say it or whether it's a good idea. If all this doesn't work then maybe you should think about what you both want from the relationship and see how things go from there. I hope everything works out!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how do I say something without pressuring or upsetting her though?
    I'm not sure what the best course of action is tbh as I've never been in this situation before on either end. Communication is key here, though. Don't blame her or make her feel bad, but explain how frustrated this is making you feel and try to come to a workable conclusion on how to move forward.
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    just talk about it with her or leave her
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    Mid 20s isn't 16. "Not ready for it" sounds fishy.
 
 
 
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Updated: February 20, 2017
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