My flatmate's boyfriend sexually assaulted me. She is still insisting on bringing him

I don't think you're overreacting at all. My concern personally, is how do you know he won't do this again?

Last year my friend had a house party for her birthday to which her boyfriend also came. Throughout the night he tried to force me to drink even though I made it very clear that I didn't want to drink, and he tried to danced with me in an intimate way. As his hands were sliding on my thighs I was so shocked I couldn't even say anything, my friend saw this happening and screamed at him. I told that guy that I have a bf (which in retrospect was kinda stupid because he shouldn't be able to touch me like that even if I am single) and he said "I don't care". He was clearly drunk so I went into my room and locked my door to wait out the situation. He kept banging on my door violently trying to "apologise" although I kept telling him to go away. I accepted his apology eventually because I just wanted him to frack off but he still kept harassing me. All my flatmates and I got really scared that night.

When I told this incident to my boyfriend he got so mad he messaged both my friend and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend said I was overblowing the situation and even gave my boyfriend a backhanded threat. After this I decided that I don't want to live with that friend of mine anymore, but she swore to me that her boyfriend will never ever set foot in our house again, and my other flatmates also talked me into just staying with them. So I did.

Except I discovered now that my friend isn't that good at keeping her promises. That guy did come here a few times, each time I just stayed in my room and waited till he left. She also brings him to social situations where she knows that I will be present. Now she is having a birthday party at our flat AGAIN, with that guy invited?! Thankfully I have something scheduled that weekend so I don't have to be here. However I did tell this mutual friend of ours that I wouldn't have come even if I didn't have anything that weekend. For some reason she thinks that because he was drunk I should forgive him (as if he won't get drunk this time!) which I find really offensive!

Do you think I am overblowing this? :/

If thats the way you feel then that is the way you feel. It doesnt sound overblown, but none of us were there. i would have an equal issue with your friend and doubt i would trust her again. Ofc you can decide to leave, but that would be disruptive. maybe just stay out of his way and focus on other things.

Like I said I actually can't be home that day due to something I planned weeks ago, but hypothetically even if I didn't have anything I would have just escaped to my boyfriend's place or something, I don't want to relive my trauma from last year

Definitely not, 'frack' him and your so called friend. Being drunk does not suddenly let sexually assaulting someone be alright. Either tell your friend to get him away or just don't participate in the party.

Then do not. Imo its more about leaving the flat or not. Your flatmate is going to stay the same, so just do whats right for you and dont worry. Dont let it become to big a thing otherwise get counselling.

I actually do have a legit 'excuse' that night thankfully! I am just frustrated that my other friend is defending him 'because he was drunk', like do people actually find this acceptable?

Yeah I am trying not to let this begome too big a thing. Also do you think I am justified at being mad at my other friend for defending him 'because he was drunk'? I want to believe that she said this out of sheer ignorance, or just because she doesn't want to feel like she has to choose between her or me somehow... idk

I wouldnt make an issue of it. just disagree with her and say you are disappointed that she doesnt appreciate how much you were traumatised by it. Try nt to let it get out of control. I cant say but you were the only one there. Drunk people sometimes get out of control, not an excuse but these things happen.

If what he did was some sort of 'accident' and he apologised straight after I could forgive him, but his attitude afterwards scared the **** out of me. I actually couldn't sleep well for nights after that. I will talk to my friend tomorrow to see if she actually knows the events to their full extent, if she thinks it is all about him touching my thighs for a second then I can see where her reaction is coming from (although I still think that is unacceptable).

I would just mention it in passing or a brief point 2 sentences max. If you are going to make a big thing of it then you are dragging her in and trying to get her to choose if thats what you want. It runs the risk of getting out of control, if you feel that strongly then id just leave. I get why you were upset but I wasnt there. Maybe go and talk it over with a counsellor to see how you really feel.

You are not reacting at all. That sounds scary.

I can see your flatmates point of view. Who hasn't done something silly after a view drinks? But it does sound more than a moment of madness.

It was clearly inappropriate and if you are uncomfortable being around him following the incident your flatmate should accept that. The crucial point is that you agreed to stay living there based on her assurances he wouldn't be around. You don't need to debate how serious what he did to do was. That is not the point. She agreed not to have him around and she should honour that.

I'm not expecting other people to react to this the same way I do because I know that's unfair. I just want people to be more understanding of my trauma, which includes not attempting to talk me into forgiving him or being in the same environment as him.