Being a virgin confusion

    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi
    Please please help me on this,
    So basically I'm a Pakistani girl and I've started dating someone who told me he's a virgin and also asked me if I am one and I said I am,
    The problem is I don't know how to tell him that at a young age I fingered myself and now I masturbate around twice a week. I don't remember bleeding when I first did it, but I remember it was a bit sore. However now I think if I ever sleep with him or any future guy I don't think il bleed so they'll know I'm not a complete virgin down there, what should I do about it?
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    Even if you broke your hymen, this does not mean you've lost your virginity. I broke my own hymen with a rampant rabbit.

    I don't really understand why we need to place ourselves into virgin or non-virgin boxes; it's a patriarchal social construct used to control and define women, assuming it can only be 'taken' by a man, it's valuable (if you're a woman) and should be kept for 'the one' (bull), it's used to slut-shame and criticize women (whereas men are praised for losing theirs/sleeping with lots of people) and it causes women to question their worth if they lose it to the 'wrong' person, or have sex with 'too many' people.

    If you feel you have to (I don't think you should *have* to do anything, but we all see stuff from differing perspectives) say you've masturbated so your hymen may have broke, but that you've not slept with someone before. If you're uncomfortable saying that, say it might have broken on horseback or when you used a tampon. If he has issue with this then steer clear. If I'm honest, I don't think you should have to prove you haven't lost your virginity, but I understand it might be important culturally.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Laus2)
    Even if you broke your hymen, this does not mean you've lost your virginity. I broke my own hymen with a rampant rabbit.

    I don't really understand why we need to place ourselves into virgin or non-virgin boxes; it's a patriarchal social construct used to control and define women, assuming it can only be 'taken' by a man, it's valuable (if you're a woman) and should be kept for 'the one' (bull), it's used to slut-shame and criticize women (whereas men are praised for losing theirs/sleeping with lots of people) and it causes women to question their worth if they lose it to the 'wrong' person, or have sex with 'too many' people.

    If you feel you have to (I don't think you should *have* to do anything, but we all see stuff from differing perspectives) say you've masturbated so your hymen may have broke, but that you've not slept with someone before. If you're uncomfortable saying that, say it might have broken on horseback or when you used a tampon. If he has issue with this then steer clear. If I'm honest, I don't think you should have to prove you haven't lost your virginity, but I understand it might be important culturally.
    Yeah it's culturally every important to me, when I was younger my mum taught me it was wrong to sleep with someone before marriage but never even told me what masturbstion was and how it was wrong, if I had know this would be the outcome I would never have done it.
    Oh can hymens break by using tampons?
    I didn't know that, I mean I don't intend on sleeping with the guy before we're married but I don't want him to feel like I've lied and think I'm actually not a virgin because of my broken hymen. It's too embarrassing to say I've masturbated though
    #2

    The penis goes in so much deeper than your fingers can. And its much more wider. I'm sure you'll still bleed as your hymen will be stretched out further than it has been before. I still bleed if I have sex after a few months because the hymen retracts with inactivity.
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    You haven't had sex therefore you haven't lost your /virginity/ which in actuality is just a concept, not a physical thing you can literally lose. ya still good sis
    #2

    Hymens don't break, they stretch. They can retract can go back into shape.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The penis goes in so much deeper than your fingers can. And its much more wider. I'm sure you'll still bleed as your hymen will be stretched out further than it has been before. I still bleed if I have sex after a few months because the hymen retracts with inactivity.
    So I've used four fingers at a time once, is that still smaller than a penis?
    Also I used a bit of cucumber once I know it's gross but I didn't have anything else big, is that a similar thickness ?
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    I've heard of girls breaking their hymen just from riding a horse before lmao chill
 
 
 
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