The Student Room Group

Female initiative.

In today's society, the kind of viewpoint I am going to put forth is probably detrimental to my own love life as I am a heterosexual male. I am sure some people would disagree with some of the claims I make too. I believe this viewpoint is actually beneficial overall for better healthier relationships.



When concerning serious relationships, the way I personally view the courting dynamic is that women should be the ones who generally choose a partner and make the move, not men (don't get me wrong, I don't think men should 'never' make a move, but that it is just far better if the woman initiates and shows interest). That may seem weird to so many but hear me out.

Firstly, when it comes to sex, I think a lot of men out there are fairly lenient. I think it would be safe to say that men's personal standards for sex are lower than women's. There is that joke that says a lot of men would have sex with anything... lol.

I feel like it would be better if it was the women who chose their partner by showing attraction because women generally are more likely to pick a man who would be better suited for a relationship with them overall. The reason I make this claim is that I think they are less likely to be so fickle about starting a relationship. In other words, I think more men would jump into a relationship and likely mainly for the sex, or at least jump into a relationship based on less factors than if a women picked and chose a partner, showed attraction and initiated something. This means that there is more 'chance' for it to a good relationship and more compatible perhaps.

Women are the ones who are the child bearers too, so wouldn't it make more sense in this respect for the woman to be the active one in finding a suitable partner that they would be happy to have a family with.

I feel like a relationship in which the woman made the first move has the 'chance' to be more genuine.

What do you think?



I would admit that I also find something incredibly flattering for a woman to show the attraction. It just seems like such a more genuine thing, whether that is showing attraction based on the desire just for casual sex, or whether it is for something much more serious.
Of course someone has to make the first move, if there is a move at all. If both the male and the female make a move at the same time I'm not sure what you would call that though. It's just like a game of chess. So men and women should take it in turns to be one side or the other, just like chess. So there could be alternate days or weeks when it's the male turn to make the first move and then a day or week when it's women's turn to make the first move. Problem solved.
Reply 2
Original post by Opuspocus
In today's society, the kind of viewpoint I am going to put forth is probably detrimental to my own love life as I am a heterosexual male. I am sure some people would disagree with some of the claims I make too. I believe this viewpoint is actually beneficial overall for better healthier relationships.



When concerning serious relationships, the way I personally view the courting dynamic is that women should be the ones who generally choose a partner and make the move, not men (don't get me wrong, I don't think men should 'never' make a move, but that it is just far better if the woman initiates and shows interest). That may seem weird to so many but hear me out.

Firstly, when it comes to sex, I think a lot of men out there are fairly lenient. I think it would be safe to say that men's personal standards for sex are lower than women's. There is that joke that says a lot of men would have sex with anything... lol.

I feel like it would be better if it was the women who chose their partner by showing attraction because women generally are more likely to pick a man who would be better suited for a relationship with them overall. The reason I make this claim is that I think they are less likely to be so fickle about starting a relationship. In other words, I think more men would jump into a relationship and likely mainly for the sex, or at least jump into a relationship based on less factors than if a women picked and chose a partner, showed attraction and initiated something. This means that there is more 'chance' for it to a good relationship and more compatible perhaps.

Women are the ones who are the child bearers too, so wouldn't it make more sense in this respect for the woman to be the active one in finding a suitable partner that they would be happy to have a family with.

I feel like a relationship in which the woman made the first move has the 'chance' to be more genuine.

What do you think?



I would admit that I also find something incredibly flattering for a woman to show the attraction. It just seems like such a more genuine thing, whether that is showing attraction based on the desire just for casual sex, or whether it is for something much more serious.



Women ARE choosing their male partners.


I remember reading somewhere that 65% of successful romantic liaisons/pairings/relationships were initiated by women.

Either they gave signals with their body language to signal receptability to the male, or they actually made the first move themselves.

and I would not be surprised if that figure had risen btw.
Reply 3
Original post by ANM775
Women ARE choosing their male partners.


I remember reading somewhere that 65% of successful romantic liaisons/pairings/relationships were initiated by women.

Either they gave signals with their body language to signal receptability to the male, or they actually made the first move themselves.

and I would not be surprised if that figure had risen btw.


Yep, of course they are sometimes, though traditionally men are the ones who initiate but it is slowly changing and becoming a bit more balanced I think. That is an interesting statistic although you gave no source for it. It backs up what I was saying.
Reply 4
Original post by Opuspocus
Firstly, when it comes to sex, I think a lot of men out there are fairly lenient. I think it would be safe to say that men's personal standards for sex are lower than women's. There is that joke that says a lot of men would have sex with anything... lol.
This whole battle of the sexes thing is old and tired. I've seen seemingly unattractive (overweight, spotty, extremely thin, etc.) people, both men and women, in relationships. Saying that women have higher standards than men is sort of like saying women are less sexual than men. It's just another stereotype.
Reply 5
Original post by Opuspocus
Yep, of course they are sometimes, though traditionally men are the ones who initiate but it is slowly changing and becoming a bit more balanced I think. That is an interesting statistic although you gave no source for it. It backs up what I was saying.



I usually either bookmark or save interesting statistics, but unfortunately I did not with that one and have been unable to find the source.

men traditionally are the ones who approach, yes you are right. But note I said in 65% OF SUCCESSFUL romantic liaisons/pairings/relationships women were the initiators.

men make the first move on their own without any signals a lot, but they usually Fail to achieve coitis/romantic liaison/ or relationship

the times when a man and a woman actually successfully pair off, 65% of the time the woman has initiated it through the methods I mentioned.
Reply 6
Original post by ANM775
I usually either bookmark or save interesting statistics, but unfortunately I did not with that one and have been unable to find the source.

men traditionally are the ones who approach, yes you are right. But note I said in 65% OF SUCCESSFUL romantic liaisons/pairings/relationships women were the initiators.

men make the first move on their own without any signals a lot, but they usually Fail to achieve coitis/romantic liaison/ or relationship

the times when a man and a woman actually successfully pair off, 65% of the time the woman has initiated it through the methods I mentioned.


Yep exactly, it is backing up my point that generally if a woman is the initiator there is more 'chance' for it to amount to a genuine better relationship. However, in today's society and in many many places around the world, women are still not the majority in being the initiators even though it would be beneficial.
Reply 7
Original post by tapir
This whole battle of the sexes thing is old and tired. I've seen seemingly unattractive (overweight, spotty, extremely thin, etc.) people, both men and women, in relationships. Saying that women have higher standards than men is sort of like saying women are less sexual than men. It's just another stereotype.


This isn't a battle about whether someone is in a relationship when they are fat or thin. It is also not about the fact that yes, both men and women get in relationships. It is however, all about the benefits of females being the initiators rather than males. I would totally and utterly disagree with you if you think men and womens standards for showing attraction towards the opposite sex are the same. It is common knowledge that men all across the globe, whether reasons are tradition or just society etc, are seen as the initiator and it is common that women are the ones to be courted by men.
Reply 8
Original post by Opuspocus
Yep exactly, it is backing up my point that generally if a woman is the initiator there is more 'chance' for it to amount to a genuine better relationship. However, in today's society and in many many places around the world, women are still not the majority in being the initiators even though it would be beneficial.




unless women start taking hormones like Testosterone or something they won't even come close to men in terms of initiation attempts...
Original post by Opuspocus
In today's society, the kind of viewpoint I am going to put forth is probably detrimental to my own love life as I am a heterosexual male. I am sure some people would disagree with some of the claims I make too. I believe this viewpoint is actually beneficial overall for better healthier relationships.



When concerning serious relationships, the way I personally view the courting dynamic is that women should be the ones who generally choose a partner and make the move, not men (don't get me wrong, I don't think men should 'never' make a move, but that it is just far better if the woman initiates and shows interest). That may seem weird to so many but hear me out.

Firstly, when it comes to sex, I think a lot of men out there are fairly lenient. I think it would be safe to say that men's personal standards for sex are lower than women's. There is that joke that says a lot of men would have sex with anything... lol.

I feel like it would be better if it was the women who chose their partner by showing attraction because women generally are more likely to pick a man who would be better suited for a relationship with them overall. The reason I make this claim is that I think they are less likely to be so fickle about starting a relationship. In other words, I think more men would jump into a relationship and likely mainly for the sex, or at least jump into a relationship based on less factors than if a women picked and chose a partner, showed attraction and initiated something. This means that there is more 'chance' for it to a good relationship and more compatible perhaps.

Women are the ones who are the child bearers too, so wouldn't it make more sense in this respect for the woman to be the active one in finding a suitable partner that they would be happy to have a family with.

I feel like a relationship in which the woman made the first move has the 'chance' to be more genuine.

What do you think?



I would admit that I also find something incredibly flattering for a woman to show the attraction. It just seems like such a more genuine thing, whether that is showing attraction based on the desire just for casual sex, or whether it is for something much more serious.


Men are chickens. I tend to make the first move myself. The only problem with it is some guys think it's easy sex or something. Overall I wouldn't stop persuing guys though. I agree that it's better since there's less chance of the girl getting rejected. Men always want girls in general.
Reply 10
Original post by gabriellakhan
Men are chickens. I tend to make the first move myself. The only problem with it is some guys think it's easy sex or something. Overall I wouldn't stop persuing guys though. I agree that it's better since there's less chance of the girl getting rejected. Men always want girls in general.


Haha a lot of men are chickens, a lot women are chicken's also though! You are obviously not a chicken. :P I feel like a confident woman is super statistically unlikely to be rejected when it comes to casual sex. With regard to relationships, perhaps the statistic to be rejected is a little larger, but that is to be expected simply because it means commitment.

I definitely still feel like it generally concludes a more positive outcome if the female is showing the attraction and initiates. That is not to say the guy is some shy introverted Delta male, but just that the guy may refrain until intentions are known.
Original post by Opuspocus
Haha a lot of men are chickens, a lot women are chicken's also though! You are obviously not a chicken. :P I feel like a confident woman is super statistically unlikely to be rejected when it comes to casual sex. With regard to relationships, perhaps the statistic to be rejected is a little larger, but that is to be expected simply because it means commitment.

I definitely still feel like it generally concludes a more positive outcome if the female is showing the attraction and initiates. That is not to say the guy is some shy introverted Delta male, but just that the guy may refrain until intentions are known.

Haha I'm actually a shy/introverted girl but not when it comes to men because I know I'm not going to get rejected. Yes maybe if I want commitment there will be issues from some men but even then I've noticed that guys really want to try a relationship or dating because there's sex in it for them. :tongue:
Play your cards right and you'll never get it wrong ladies. :wink:
If you just adopt a general rule of "If you're interested and have reason to believe the other party is/might be interested, then make a move" regardless of gender then that should work well enough, following common sense.

I don't think there's really gonna be much of a correlation between the success of the relationship and which person makes the move, it's more than likely going to be every other factor relating to what happens afterwards that's going to affect things.
I get what you're saying and would agree that it's not ideal that some women feel like they're being too pushy when they initiate.
I wish I had more confidence to make a move on guys I like.

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