Is this bullying?
I work with this woman who is older than me (I'm in my late 20s, I think she is around about her 50s). When I first met her she seemed fine, she was warm and chatty. She said something a bit odd to me, but I just shrugged it off. When we worked together just the two of us she would snap at me and her attitude overall was defensive and I didn't really know where it came from after her being fine before. I thought maybe she was having a bad day but it contuined like that and didn't change. I would ask her simple questions to get to know her better and she would give sarcastic or eye rolling answers. She didn't make any effort to get to know me. Other people have implied they've had issues with her also.
So the snapping and general bad attitude contuined. She would also take credit for work both of us had done. She had also only recently started and I had to show her the ropes, but she would tell other members of staff she had been there for a year. Then one day she randomly approached me and started making comments about my weight. It really upset me because it was so random, she walked straight over to me and started saying stuff. It caught me off guard a bit. I reported her but my senior said her attitude is her sense of humour.. when I didn't think any of it was very funny..
So the snapping and general bad attitude contuined. She would also take credit for work both of us had done. She had also only recently started and I had to show her the ropes, but she would tell other members of staff she had been there for a year. Then one day she randomly approached me and started making comments about my weight. It really upset me because it was so random, she walked straight over to me and started saying stuff. It caught me off guard a bit. I reported her but my senior said her attitude is her sense of humour.. when I didn't think any of it was very funny..
The last bit is definitely bullying. Tell your manager you are not happy with her humour and you find it offensive.
Original post by AishaGirl
The last bit is definitely bullying. Tell your manager you are not happy with her humour and you find it offensive.
I did, but unfortunately my boss seems to think it's "just her"... so I feel like my experience has been dismissed :/
Original post by Anonymous
I did, but unfortunately my boss seems to think it's "just her"... so I feel like my experience has been dismissed :/
Tell him again or put in a written complaint. Or just speak to the women in private and tell her you don't appreciate her making comments about weight or appearance.
I don't like the word bully because it is so vague and is used to mean all things bad.
She can be as miserable as she wants. She doesn't have to talk to you. You have no right to be annoyed about that.
What she tells colleagues about herself is her business. It doesn't reflect well on her but it is nothing to do with you.
The only thing she has done to you is the weight comment. 1 comment isn't bullying. You've made it clear it was not okay and have reported it. I would forget it now. It is only a problem if the comments keep coming.
She can be as miserable as she wants. She doesn't have to talk to you. You have no right to be annoyed about that.
What she tells colleagues about herself is her business. It doesn't reflect well on her but it is nothing to do with you.
The only thing she has done to you is the weight comment. 1 comment isn't bullying. You've made it clear it was not okay and have reported it. I would forget it now. It is only a problem if the comments keep coming.
Original post by Anonymous
I work with this woman who is older than me (I'm in my late 20s, I think she is around about her 50s). When I first met her she seemed fine, she was warm and chatty. She said something a bit odd to me, but I just shrugged it off. When we worked together just the two of us she would snap at me and her attitude overall was defensive and I didn't really know where it came from after her being fine before. I thought maybe she was having a bad day but it contuined like that and didn't change. I would ask her simple questions to get to know her better and she would give sarcastic or eye rolling answers. She didn't make any effort to get to know me. Other people have implied they've had issues with her also.
So the snapping and general bad attitude contuined. She would also take credit for work both of us had done. She had also only recently started and I had to show her the ropes, but she would tell other members of staff she had been there for a year. Then one day she randomly approached me and started making comments about my weight. It really upset me because it was so random, she walked straight over to me and started saying stuff. It caught me off guard a bit. I reported her but my senior said her attitude is her sense of humour.. when I didn't think any of it was very funny..
So the snapping and general bad attitude contuined. She would also take credit for work both of us had done. She had also only recently started and I had to show her the ropes, but she would tell other members of staff she had been there for a year. Then one day she randomly approached me and started making comments about my weight. It really upset me because it was so random, she walked straight over to me and started saying stuff. It caught me off guard a bit. I reported her but my senior said her attitude is her sense of humour.. when I didn't think any of it was very funny..
It's not bullying yet but it could turn in to it if she carries on
Your manager was wrong not to deal with it properly by just talking to her or at least get you both in a room to talk about it because now she will keep doing it and use the pathetic excuse that it's just her sense of humour
But ive always had women randomly acting weird like that and criticizing me out of the blue. Their called idiots who are very unhappy in life
I always find that women who criticize other women or if they do it to men too have had bad relationships in the past or are currently in a bad relationship and have some mental issues because of this
Also their very insecure about themselves so need to bring other people down
Every time you are near her put your mobile phone on record to get evidence as I think it will get worse
She sounds nuts telling people she has been there a year when you started before her.
There's not a lot you can do about Crazy except record her everyday and stand up to her or criticize her weight or her work. People like her will always get upset if you criticize them back.
You can hit the record button on your mobile before asking her a series of questions like why did you tell everyone you did all the work when we both contributed to it ? and ask why she said she has worked there a year when she hasn't or ask why she criticized your weight and any other stuff she said that bothers you But be warned if your manager didn't care the first time you told him/her they still might not even with evidence of how she acts and might just think your a trouble maker
Original post by Sternumator
I don't like the word bully because it is so vague and is used to mean all things bad.
She can be as miserable as she wants. She doesn't have to talk to you. You have no right to be annoyed about that.
What she tells colleagues about herself is her business. It doesn't reflect well on her but it is nothing to do with you.
The only thing she has done to you is the weight comment. 1 comment isn't bullying. You've made it clear it was not okay and have reported it. I would forget it now. It is only a problem if the comments keep coming.
She can be as miserable as she wants. She doesn't have to talk to you. You have no right to be annoyed about that.
What she tells colleagues about herself is her business. It doesn't reflect well on her but it is nothing to do with you.
The only thing she has done to you is the weight comment. 1 comment isn't bullying. You've made it clear it was not okay and have reported it. I would forget it now. It is only a problem if the comments keep coming.
Yeah I guess at this point she isn't necessarily being a 'bully' but more just being not very nice to me, the way I've felt anyway.
I know she doesn't have to be my best friend and chat to me about her weekend, I'm not expecting that, it's more that the nature of the job involves us working together (we are not allowed to do the job on our own) so if she snaps at me everytime I speak and has a general bad attitude, it makes working with her difficult. I dont care about the getting to know each other part, we dont have to be friends, but if I ask her a question, such as "what client are we going to speak to next" (because we have to agree and set a plan together, working together means we have to communicate these things) and her response is to snap at me things like "oh I dont know" or just generally roll her eyes and huff and puff. When its a simple question, the reply would be "okay we should see Mr John first then Mr Smith second, sound good?". Instead her non-cooperation means I cant plan our day, and i cant decide the people myself (its hard to explain without it being obvious, I know she will never read this but still).
The comment to colleagues I mentioned because i thought it might help describe her behaviour. Yeah it might not be wholly relevant, but the nature of our job is that you only learn as you go, no one walks in the door with any experience, the nature of the job makes that almost impossible. so by being there for a period of time, you will have more understanding, knowledge and experience. We have to liaise with other members of staff and by her saying to that one person (who was very senior) that she had been there for a year, was giving them an impression of her level of experience, meaning that that member of staff would think okay well I dont need to give you much help or instructions, you should know how to deal with this yourself. She had only been there about 3 months (Id been there for a year at this point) so I dunno if she was just trying to impress the guy or seem experienced. For me it was misleading and would mean that we couldnt really liaise properly. Maybe she feels insecure that someone younger than her is showing her the ropes, I dont know.
I would just like a simple, cooperative working environment, and for things to run smoothly you need people to be team players to some degree, if that is what the nature of the job requires. maybe she doesnt like working in pairs or groups, I know I prefer working alone cos it means i can just get on with things and dont need to plan and agree with someone else. but the nature of the job requires planning and discussion, and if I cant even get the basics done with her then it does make the job unnecessarily difficult.
and the personal comments about my weight dont help either.
Original post by Judge Jules
It's not bullying yet but it could turn in to it if she carries on
Your manager was wrong not to deal with it properly by just talking to her or at least get you both in a room to talk about it because now she will keep doing it and use the pathetic excuse that it's just her sense of humour
But ive always had women randomly acting weird like that and criticizing me out of the blue. Their called idiots who are very unhappy in life
I always find that women who criticize other women or if they do it to men too have had bad relationships in the past or are currently in a bad relationship and have some mental issues because of this
Also their very insecure about themselves so need to bring other people down
Every time you are near her put your mobile phone on record to get evidence as I think it will get worse
She sounds nuts telling people she has been there a year when you started before her.
There's not a lot you can do about Crazy except record her everyday and stand up to her or criticize her weight or her work. People like her will always get upset if you criticize them back.
You can hit the record button on your mobile before asking her a series of questions like why did you tell everyone you did all the work when we both contributed to it ? and ask why she said she has worked there a year when she hasn't or ask why she criticized your weight and any other stuff she said that bothers you But be warned if your manager didn't care the first time you told him/her they still might not even with evidence of how she acts and might just think your a trouble maker
Your manager was wrong not to deal with it properly by just talking to her or at least get you both in a room to talk about it because now she will keep doing it and use the pathetic excuse that it's just her sense of humour
But ive always had women randomly acting weird like that and criticizing me out of the blue. Their called idiots who are very unhappy in life
I always find that women who criticize other women or if they do it to men too have had bad relationships in the past or are currently in a bad relationship and have some mental issues because of this
Also their very insecure about themselves so need to bring other people down
Every time you are near her put your mobile phone on record to get evidence as I think it will get worse
She sounds nuts telling people she has been there a year when you started before her.
There's not a lot you can do about Crazy except record her everyday and stand up to her or criticize her weight or her work. People like her will always get upset if you criticize them back.
You can hit the record button on your mobile before asking her a series of questions like why did you tell everyone you did all the work when we both contributed to it ? and ask why she said she has worked there a year when she hasn't or ask why she criticized your weight and any other stuff she said that bothers you But be warned if your manager didn't care the first time you told him/her they still might not even with evidence of how she acts and might just think your a trouble maker
Yeah she told me she was bullied when she was in school and she resorted to physical violence with the other kids... Im not sure why she told me this, usually i would empathise with people but because of her behaviour towards me I found it hard, I listened to what she said but a part of me felt like it was coming across as "Im not afraid to beat people up who cross me"... almost like trying to intimate me. A part of me was kinda thinking why is she telling me about how she used to beat other kids up... like she was going into detail about it, arranging fights and stuff. And if this happened a really long time ago but she is still thinking and talking about it then it must still effect her in some way... :/
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah she told me she was bullied when she was in school and she resorted to physical violence with the other kids... Im not sure why she told me this, usually i would empathise with people but because of her behaviour towards me I found it hard, I listened to what she said but a part of me felt like it was coming across as "Im not afraid to beat people up who cross me"... almost like trying to intimate me. A part of me was kinda thinking why is she telling me about how she used to beat other kids up... like she was going into detail about it, arranging fights and stuff. And if this happened a really long time ago but she is still thinking and talking about it then it must still effect her in some way... :/
My friend works as a carer and all his clients needed 2 people so because he had the same problem as you with a woman in her 50's who would snap at him for no reason and even raised her hand as if to hit him so he complained to his manager and said he refuses to work with her and from now on he only wants to be given clients where he works on his own so now because he has to work alone he only works once a day, 7 days a week but before he would work 3 times a day, 7 days a week. So he's earning less money now but he is being stubborn by allowing that woman to make him live on less money. Every body had the same problem with that lady and the staff all told the manager they won't work with her but he still did nothing.
My friend considered leaving but it's hard to get jobs so he just told his manager that he will only work alone from now on But also my friend is very argumentative and has fallen out with all his colleagues anyway.
My sister used to work in an office many years ago but when a new girl started she would make comments about her weight and other *****y comments and other women would laugh so she had no friends there
My sister is not shy but did not stand up to the girl and did not complain to manager which I don't understand but instead after a few more years she left as she felt depressed because of it and dreaded going to work so she applied for lots of jobs but couldn't get any job for a whole year. She thought it would be so easy to get any job even care work as a lot of care jobs are willing to train people with no experience.
So now although my sister has to live on less money but she is much happier that she works alone, has no manager looking over her and only has to deal with her clients, it's less stressful. But her job before was so good that she only had to work 8am to 12 in the afternoon and got paid £900 a month but everyone else had to work full time. She was the only one that worked part time because she had agreed to those hours when she first started the job and had been there a long time but everyone else had no choice and had to work 8am to 5pm but she does not regret leaving and prefers her care job but if the other women were not so *****y she would never have left
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