Anti-tattoo, -piercing, -LGBT+ family

Watch
username1623349
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hi guys!

Just want a little bit of advice on how to broach this topic with my family (my mother especially). She is very anti-piercings, and went absolutely mental when I got my ears pierced. Today I came home with a tattoo (which she knew about in advance), which is a tattoo I've been wanting to get for quite a long time now. It's small and on my ankle where it can easily be hidden.

I was dead chuffed about it until I got home and showed my mother. She called me every name under the sun and told me she's disappointed, ashamed, etc etc. She also told me that I'm never going to find love or get a stable job. If I try to talk to her about anything she just says that she's disgusted with me and that it looks awful. What should I do?

My whole family are also very very against LGBT people. They say they don't mind LGBT people in general, as long as no one in our family is one. I've been hiding my bisexuality from them for 6+ years now and it's eating me up inside, but I know if I tell them they'll laugh at and publicly mock and shame me at every family event or phone call for the rest of my life.

My uncle (who is my father-figure) also doesn't like anyone who is of Asian or Middle-Eastern origin, referring to all of them as being from Pakistan even if they're from Saudi Arabia or India or Kazakhstan. I thus feel I can only date white men, even when I'm attracted to someone who isn't white and/ or someone who isn't a man.

I realise this is more of a rant but I just wondered if anyone had any advice on what I can do? I feel very isolated and alone at home at the moment...
3
reply
Willy Pete
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
You are in a tough position, ideally you need to move out as soon as feasibly possible so you can start living life how you want to.
2
reply
username47781
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Well I feel sorry for you, sadly your family are living in the dark ages and don't realise it is the 21st century, I got an Uncle who is exactly like this, if he sees a black man he refuses to walk on the same side of the road as him.
3
reply
shadowdweller
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by Willy Pete)
You are in a tough position, ideally you need to move out as soon as feasibly possible so you can start living life how you want to.
I would second this, unfortunately.

georgiaswift, if you think your family might be more understanding if you sit them down and explain things, then try that. Otherwise, moving out and starting your own life might be the best option.

If you want someone to talk to, especially about the LGBT+ aspect, feel free to PM me anytime :hugs:
1
reply
Willy Pete
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
(Original post by shadowdweller)
I would second this, unfortunately. If you thing your family might be more understanding if you sit them down and explain things, then try that. Otherwise, moving out and starting your own life might be the best option.
Although it isn't something I have ever had to broach with my family, I would suggest moving out before having the conversation because if it does go south you aren't stuck in the same house with them for an indefinite amount of time.
0
reply
shadowdweller
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#6
Report 4 years ago
#6
(Original post by Willy Pete)
Although it isn't something I have ever had to broach with my family, I would suggest moving out before having the conversation because if it does go south you aren't stuck in the same house with them for an indefinite amount of time.
It sounds like this would be the most sensible option, if you think they'll react badly

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Willy Pete
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
(Original post by shadowdweller)
It sounds like this would be the most sensible option, if you think they'll react badly

Posted from TSR Mobile
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
0
reply
Elizabeth II
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by georgiaswift)
Hi guys!

Just want a little bit of advice on how to broach this topic with my family (my mother especially). She is very anti-piercings, and went absolutely mental when I got my ears pierced. Today I came home with a tattoo (which she knew about in advance), which is a tattoo I've been wanting to get for quite a long time now. It's small and on my ankle where it can easily be hidden.

I was dead chuffed about it until I got home and showed my mother. She called me every name under the sun and told me she's disappointed, ashamed, etc etc. She also told me that I'm never going to find love or get a stable job. If I try to talk to her about anything she just says that she's disgusted with me and that it looks awful. What should I do?

My whole family are also very very against LGBT people. They say they don't mind LGBT people in general, as long as no one in our family is one. I've been hiding my bisexuality from them for 6+ years now and it's eating me up inside, but I know if I tell them they'll laugh at and publicly mock and shame me at every family event or phone call for the rest of my life.

My uncle (who is my father-figure) also doesn't like anyone who is of Asian or Middle-Eastern origin, referring to all of them as being from Pakistan even if they're from Saudi Arabia or India or Kazakhstan. I thus feel I can only date white men, even when I'm attracted to someone who isn't white and/ or someone who isn't a man.

I realise this is more of a rant but I just wondered if anyone had any advice on what I can do? I feel very isolated and alone at home at the moment...
I'm really sorry to hear about this it must be so hard trying to deal with it. Especially as it's your family and you love them - and they say such hurtful things about you and seem to control a lot of your life. I cannot believe she reacted so badly to you getting a tattoo and it seems like you're right to fear she could be volatile in reacting to you telling her you're bisexual.

It might be best to do what others have suggested and start looking to move out when you can and make a life for yourself, you can't be expected to stay where you feel you aren't welcome. This will give you the freedom to be your own person, date who you like and just to be yourself - something that everyone should have access to. I second what Willy Pete and shadowdweller have said.

Really hope things are OK and always about if you need a chat in private. Take care :hugs:
1
reply
username1623349
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#9
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#9
(Original post by Willy Pete)
You are in a tough position, ideally you need to move out as soon as feasibly possible so you can start living life how you want to.
I'll be moving out for my year abroad in September, and I'll be way too far away for them to tell me what I can and can't do thing is, I can't afford to indefinitely live on my own as of yet...

(Original post by Rock Fan)
Well I feel sorry for you, sadly your family are living in the dark ages and don't realise it is the 21st century, I got an Uncle who is exactly like this, if he sees a black man he refuses to walk on the same side of the road as him.
Thank you, it does suck but there's not a whole lot I can do about it. As long as people realise I'm not like my family, that's all I can hope for really!

(Original post by shadowdweller)
I would second this, unfortunately.

georgiaswift, if you think your family might be more understanding if you sit them down and explain things, then try that. Otherwise, moving out and starting your own life might be the best option.

If you want someone to talk to, especially about the LGBT+ aspect, feel free to PM me anytime :hugs:
Thank you so much it really means a lot!

(Original post by Paracosm)
I'm really sorry to hear about this it must be so hard trying to deal with it. Especially as it's your family and you love them - and they say such hurtful things about you and seem to control a lot of your life. I cannot believe she reacted so badly to you getting a tattoo and it seems like you're right to fear she could be volatile in reacting to you telling her you're bisexual.

It might be best to do what others have suggested and start looking to move out when you can and make a life for yourself, you can't be expected to stay where you feel you aren't welcome. This will give you the freedom to be your own person, date who you like and just to be yourself - something that everyone should have access to. I second what Willy Pete and shadowdweller have said.

Really hope things are OK and always about if you need a chat in private. Take care :hugs:
Thank you, that's all really kind of you. I really do love them but it's really bringing me down; unfortunately I don't have the money to move out permanently right now. As it is I'm just hiding in my room or in the library for 95% of my free time. Thank you for your support
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Feeling behind at school/college? What is the best thing your teachers could to help you catch up?

Extra compulsory independent learning activities (eg, homework tasks) (3)
3.75%
Run extra compulsory lessons or workshops (11)
13.75%
Focus on making the normal lesson time with them as high quality as possible (14)
17.5%
Focus on making the normal learning resources as high quality/accessible as possible (9)
11.25%
Provide extra optional activities, lessons and/or workshops (29)
36.25%
Assess students, decide who needs extra support and focus on these students (14)
17.5%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise