I'm just curious. When I was 9 I had anal sex with my cousin who was 12 years old. My parents acted like I was abused. I don't remember it even I kind of forgot it. I think maybe they wanted it to be sexual abuse since I am a guy too. So I mean they can disown me now if I were gay but they really couldn't at 9. The only problem is I don't remember it so that's my biggest issue. Like who doesn't remember the first time? What I do remember is not being at all scared or anything. The situation happened while we were playing outside. Was supposed to be a game. I still see him as family. He himself was abused so I think it's not his fault what happened. But I struggle a tad with the situation. But I think maybe its my parent's influence. And connotation against it. Like nowadays I'm 18 and have had a sexual relationship with a male friend. Once. And had started to have the old situation come back resurface the dreams and nightmares and I think somehow I got triggered right after the sex. Anyhow I wonder if its just because it was a gay encounter. And my parents disdain against it maybe transferred over? Or does it sound like it was abuse? I know I had no injuries from the incident at all. I also talked about it on a sexual assault hotline and figured what happened when I was a kid it was not abuse. But then some symptoms seem about right. Like the shame the guilt the blocking the forgetting etc... Advice?
Hmm, if the guy who u had sex with was 12 he was most likely was still learning and I feel that its near impossible for a 12 year old to sexually abuse a 9 year old. I would just consider ur self lucky u can't remember it...
Hmm, if the guy who u had sex with was 12 he was most likely was still learning and I feel that its near impossible for a 12 year old to sexually abuse a 9 year old. I would just consider ur self lucky u can't remember it...
Yeah I mean he's not at all culpable being his age and issues in his life. Thats why I don't blame him.
And yeah that to me tells me something didn't go well because I forgot it.
Yeah I mean he's not at all culpable being his age and issues in his life. Thats why I don't blame him.
And yeah that to me tells me something didn't go well because I forgot it.
Yea its a strange situation and I honestly don't blame u for wanting to find out. Maybe have a serious conversation with the boy or maybe ask ur parents if they can help u get to the bottom of this.
Yea its a strange situation and I honestly don't blame u for wanting to find out. Maybe have a serious conversation with the boy or maybe ask ur parents if they can help u get to the bottom of this.
Well I asked my parents. Thats how I know. They said I said I had anal sex with him. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him because if something more traumatic happened I wouldn't want to hear it from him. When I first had sex I knew that I had done it before and I know he ended up climaxing in me because when I did it consensual I knew it was something I felt before. But I dont know basically if it was unwanted or not. Or what I was thinking afterwards I have always felt dumb and stupid but thats about it. Being ashamed but I think thats just how my parents made me feel about it.
Well I asked my parents. Thats how I know. They said I said I had anal sex with him. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him because if something more traumatic happened I wouldn't want to hear it from him. When I first had sex I knew that I had done it before and I know he ended up climaxing in me because when I did it consensual I knew it was something I felt before. But I dont know basically if it was unwanted or not. Or what I was thinking afterwards I have always felt dumb and stupid but thats about it. Being ashamed but I think thats just how my parents made me feel about it.
Ffs bro don't feel ashamed, I highly doubt u had any control, u probably didn't even know wat was happening... I would tbh just leave it at where it is as it will just make ur life more negative the more u think about it. Look in the present, not the past.
Yeah, since you were so young and innocent, no blame to pin onto any one person here. Things happen, parents love you, they'll get over it. It's up to you to decide if you can move on - and it seems like you've 'forgiven' your cousin too - having empathy, since he was also 'abused' is a great quality to have. Don't wanna label your situation as abuse or not, but it's definitely complicated. Since you cannot remember the details, try and block out the memory. I know it's hard since now you've found out about it, but put it away in the back of your mind. Move past it - it wasn't your fault for sure, so don't feel bad about it. Even if it does re-surface, remember that it was just a thing you've had to bounce-back from
Ffs bro don't feel ashamed, I highly doubt u had any control, u probably didn't even know wat was happening... I would tbh just leave it at where it is as it will just make ur life more negative the more u think about it. Look in the present, not the past.
I put it behind me and forgot about it tbh. It was only when I had sex with my friend that things came back in dreams and stuff. I kind of worry it will affect me in the future with a girlfriend as far as sexually. I don't want to have to be celibate basically... But I'm hoping this only happens with guys. But I'm not really sure.
Yeah, since you were so young and innocent, no blame to pin onto any one person here. Things happen, parents love you, they'll get over it. It's up to you to decide if you can move on - and it seems like you've 'forgiven' your cousin too - having empathy, since he was also 'abused' is a great quality to have. Don't wanna label your situation as abuse or not, but it's definitely complicated. Since you cannot remember the details, try and block out the memory. I know it's hard since now you've found out about it, but put it away in the back of your mind. Move past it - it wasn't your fault for sure, so don't feel bad about it. Even if it does re-surface, remember that it was just a thing you've had to bounce-back from
I wasn't saying from the situation that my cousin was abused. I meant that he was actually abused in the past by a daycare provider for like 7 years. I didn't abuse him lol. I don't blame either of us. We were just kids. I guess it really doesn't matter if it was or not. What matters is I find I have to repress my sexual urges because of it. Maybe if I did it with my male friend more often I wouldn't feel this way or maybe its just be a lot worst. Idk.
I wasn't saying from the situation that my cousin was abused. I meant that he was actually abused in the past by a daycare provider for like 7 years. I didn't abuse him lol. I don't blame either of us. We were just kids. I guess it really doesn't matter if it was or not. What matters is I find I have to repress my sexual urges because of it. Maybe if I did it with my male friend more often I wouldn't feel this way or maybe its just be a lot worst. Idk.
Just let everything take it's place - don't stress out about it too much. Remember - what's done is done. It's how you move on from it that matters