This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

bf wants me to wear the hijab after marriage

We've been together for a while, and he's told me he wants to marry me after he completes his studies, and I agreed, we are also both Muslim by the way. He prays 5x a day etc, and is more religious than me in general, although I don't drink alcohol, I still don't pray anywhere near as much as I should and I don't wear the hijab.

He said the other day after we are married, would I cover my hair or not? I said I didn't really want to, that it didn't really feel comfortable to me, wasn't something I was used to and I like styling my hair etc and I don't want to cover it for the majority of the day. He told me about the benefits of wearing the hijab, and said if I didn't want to, it's still okay. I just feel a bit wary now like after we are married, will he make me wear it? He has a possessive/controlling streak but that's more to do with having male friends.

Reply 1

Reue

20

You're already acknowledging that he has a possessive/controlling streak? Nope out of there before you get in to deep with that narrow minded fool.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

He told me all of his sisters wear the hijab too when I asked if they did, he said he told them the same thing that it was good for them to wear it but if they didn't want to, he wouldn't bring it up again, and that they eventually wore it anyway because they wanted to. He wasn't born in England also and we are from different cultural backgrounds, so maybe that's why he seems a bit more traditional about it, I'm not sure.

Reply 3

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

We've been together for a while, and he's told me he wants to marry me after he completes his studies, and I agreed, we are also both Muslim by the way. He prays 5x a day etc, and is more religious than me in general, although I don't drink alcohol, I still don't pray anywhere near as much as I should and I don't wear the hijab.

He said the other day after we are married, would I cover my hair or not? I said I didn't really want to, that it didn't really feel comfortable to me, wasn't something I was used to and I like styling my hair etc and I don't want to cover it for the majority of the day. He told me about the benefits of wearing the hijab, and said if I didn't want to, it's still okay. I just feel a bit wary now like after we are married, will he make me wear it? He has a possessive/controlling streak but that's more to do with having male friends.

Honestly it sounds like bad news if its something you dont wish to do. At least you are going in with your eyes open. You probably dont know him as well as you think you do and people can change after marriage. Your traditional is another persons controlling.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 4

username2877554

20

Make sure he doesn't control you since it is your life and only you can decide what is right for you. If you think he will force you after marriage then you are better off without him.

Reply 5

gabriellakhan

19

He seems decent about it. As long as he isn't constantly pressuring you, you should be fine. Wear what makes you comfortable. :smile:

Reply 6

Reue

20

Original post by Anonymous

He told me all of his sisters wear the hijab too when I asked if they did, he said he told them the same thing that it was good for them to wear it but if they didn't want to, he wouldn't bring it up again, and that they eventually wore it anyway because they wanted to. He wasn't born in England also and we are from different cultural backgrounds, so maybe that's why he seems a bit more traditional about it, I'm not sure.

Who cares what he inappropriately told his sisters. Decide what YOU want..

Reply 7

username2944572

14

Lmao hes already committing zina whilst being in a relationship with you and now hes telling you what to do
Phahahhahah good luck, its your own fault for even being in this situation.

You reap what you sow

Buh bye to dis *****

OP

Original post by 999tigger

Honestly it sounds like bad news if its something you dont wish to do. At least you are going in with your eyes open. You probably dont know him as well as you think you do and people can change after marriage. Your traditional is another persons controlling.

no, I don't want to wear the hijab at all, the majority of my friends don't, nor do my cousins and a lot of my family, my mother and father have never forced me to wear it, or even questioned me for not wearing it so it's not something I even thought about until he randomly brought it up. He must be liberal somewhat because even though for example, dating is forbidden in Islam, he was the one who pursued me in the first place and persuaded me to give us a go, I liked him anyway and I agreed, his family know we're together and fully approve so they seem liberal. He is a very possessive/jealous guy if I ever bring up a male name to him, I learnt to never do that and so things are always great between us (so far).

Reply 10

Camilli

17

And here I was thinking that he was an Irish Catholic with an odd fetish.

Reply 11

Harris1671

Original post by Anonymous

We've been together for a while, and he's told me he wants to marry me after he completes his studies, and I agreed, we are also both Muslim by the way. He prays 5x a day etc, and is more religious than me in general, although I don't drink alcohol, I still don't pray anywhere near as much as I should and I don't wear the hijab.

He said the other day after we are married, would I cover my hair or not? I said I didn't really want to, that it didn't really feel comfortable to me, wasn't something I was used to and I like styling my hair etc and I don't want to cover it for the majority of the day. He told me about the benefits of wearing the hijab, and said if I didn't want to, it's still okay. I just feel a bit wary now like after we are married, will he make me wear it? He has a possessive/controlling streak but that's more to do with having male friends.

As the Qur'an says: There is no compulsion in religion. Nobody can Force anyone to do anything. Saying that, most of the so called Muslims in the UK are south East Asian and treat their women according to their CULTURE which is nothing to do with Islam. Ok, he wants you to start dressing more modestly covering your hair in front of non family males. All you have to say is... when you met me I wasn't wearing it... it won't effect how religious I am... you can't force me because that would be Unislamic! People forget women cover because they have a choice, hardly forced to! Tell him this: OUTSIDE APPEARANCES DO NOT RESEMBLE THE HEART.
Of course there's nothing wrong with wearing hijab but it depends on your lifestyle and area you live in... being stared at, judged, looked at like you're a bad person etc etc kind of defeats the object of wearing it... which is to say: yes I'm female... don't stare at me... deal with my mind... I don't play that game! It's empowering on so many levels... but if people don't understand Islam, they certainly won't understand Islam!

Reply 12

Sabertooth

20

Original post by Anonymous

He is a very possessive/jealous guy if I ever bring up a male name to him, I learnt to never do that

You're already changing your behavior because of his controlling streak, I think this does not bode well for the future. If you can't even mention a male name without him losing it, why would you think he'll be ok with you not wearing a hijab when married? After all, you'll be looked at by males when out and about so it's not a huge step to suggest that might make him jealous too.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by years101

Lmao hes already committing zina whilst being in a relationship with you and now hes telling you what to do
Phahahhahah good luck, its your own fault for even being in this situation.

You reap what you sow

There is no need to sound so condescending. We haven't done anything physically and we don't intend on doing so until after we are married. I wasn't asking whose fault it was either, I love him and I want to marry him, some things he says make me question him sometimes but nobody has a perfect personality. I'm happy with my relationship thanks. Also, no he didn't tell me what to do, he said it was okay if I didn't want to wear it, not 'you're going to wear it after you're married alright'.

Reply 14

Reue

20

Original post by Anonymous

He is a very possessive/jealous guy if I ever bring up a male name to him, I learnt to never do that .

let's be honest; you won't listen to any advice here. If you would then you would have never gotten involved with a guy like this. Avoid.

Reply 15

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

no, I don't want to wear the hijab at all, the majority of my friends don't, nor do my cousins and a lot of my family, my mother and father have never forced me to wear it, or even questioned me for not wearing it so it's not something I even thought about until he randomly brought it up. He must be liberal somewhat because even though for example, dating is forbidden in Islam, he was the one who pursued me in the first place and persuaded me to give us a go, I liked him anyway and I agreed, his family know we're together and fully approve so they seem liberal. He is a very possessive/jealous guy if I ever bring up a male name to him, I learnt to never do that and so things are always great between us (so far).

You are only 21 so very young. I would say you dont know him as well as you think I've seen several relationships start off with the guy being as sweet as pie, but once the got married things changed totally. No matter what he says to you now this could happen in the future. Dont get married until you are sure you have the measure of him. Jealous and possessive would be no no's for most people. I would put money on it that the hijab will crop up again when you are married and he will assume a more traditional role as husband. He's still a very young man.

Reply 16

trustmeimlying1

20

Original post by Goaded

Buh bye to dis *****

You're the biggest **** talker on this site xD

Reply 17

username2944572

14

Original post by Anonymous

There is no need to sound so condescending. We haven't done anything physically and we don't intend on doing so until after we are married. I wasn't asking whose fault it was either, I love him and I want to marry him, some things he says make me question him sometimes but nobody has a perfect personality. I'm happy with my relationship thanks. Also, no he didn't tell me what to do, he said it was okay if I didn't want to wear it, not 'you're going to wear it after you're married alright'.

I had no intention to sound condescending but what i said was the truth.
Zina doesnt just mean intercourse. Google it?
No one can force you to do anything and if you do it for the sake of a person, what are you achieveing? Your intention is wrong.

You said you hardly pray but then whats the point of wearing a hijab? Honestly im so confused.

Please stop saying you love him lol.

He sounds like a hypocrite and I can assure you he will be overly protective in marriage if hes making you wear a hijab lmao does he think wearing the hijab is for the purpose of men? Lol may god guide you all

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sabertooth

You're already changing your behavior because of his controlling streak, I think this does not bode well for the future. If you can't even mention a male name without him losing it, why would you think he'll be ok with you not wearing a hijab when married? After all, you'll be looked at by males when out and about so it's not a huge step to suggest that might make him jealous too.

but although he doesn't let me talk to guys, he happily introduces me to all of his male friends, I must've met about 10 of them by now, so he isn't that possessive or he'd just try to hide me away from every guy including his friends. He did say that he wouldn't bring it up again, and I did read up on the rulings of wearing the hijab in Islam and that someone can't force someone else to wear it, but the wearer has to wear it because they want to and not because someone told them to, so I could just bring that up if he tried to back it up saying it was good in terms of religion etc.