Missed a lot of Uni

I'm in my first year of university. I've missed 2 months of University lectures and seminars. Each week I'd tell myself I'd go in to lectures but then I'd get really nervous about it and go somewhere else instead.

I did this in sixth form too, I have no idea how I managed to get good a levels. I promised myself I wouldn't be like this at university.

I don't know who to talk to about this, I made an appointment with my personal tutor but was too scared to go through with it a couple of weeks ago. I've stopped doing my assignments too, I'd start writing them out and realise it's a terrible peice of work and not hand them in.

I know if I go they'll just kick me out once they realise I'm back. Even if they don't I'll fail because of all the assignments I've missed and probably still get kicked out. My friends are going to wonder what I've been doing too. My parents will also kill me. I need to sort this out but I have no idea what to do. I'm planning to go to my next lecture, but I'm worried I'll get the same feeling of impending doom and run away at the doors.

I have no idea why I've done this I was getting really good grades at the beginning of the year. It all began when I'd skip one or two lectures and then it went downhill. I don't need anyone shouting at me I already feel horrible about all this and I know I don't deserve to be at university.

Sorry for any issues with my formatting etc. I haven't used this website before. But I hope what I've said is comprehensible.