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I don't like my friend's friend?

Me and my best friend have been good friends since we were really young, but since we started secondary school, she started also hanging out with another girl. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against my friend having other friends, it's just this person in particular. I tried to be friends with the other girl, but she's not exactly what I would think of as friend material- she tends to be self- centred, needy and selfish. Friendship is supposed to be a give and take, but it felt like she didn't give anything back. Again, don't get me wrong, I accept that we're all in that awkward "growing up, learning to be a human and I don't have a clue about life" position, but I still had difficulty staying patient. She was incredibly impatient and only really cared about what she was getting. She wanted all the attention, and more often than not, she got it. I knew if I needed her help, I wouldn't get it, which unsettled me. Then, something happened that made my friend stop talking to the other girl, which for privacy, I won't go into. Selfish as it may seem, this felt like an opportunity for me, my friend and I could finally hang out, which I felt really improved our friendship. This lasted for a week or two, and I liked just being able to talk to my friend, and to really be myself. In this time, I did say to my friend, in the nicest possible way, that I simply didn't really get along with the other girl, but that I hoped it wouldn't make life awkward for her- I tried to be empathetic of the situation. Luckily, she seemed to understand, but gradually, the other girl worked her way back into the group. I started avoiding them, and making excuses like "I have to revise" or "I have extra History". I felt as if in the time I hadn't had to put up with the other girl, I had lost the ability to tolerate her, and so, when she began spending time with my friend, I didn't have a method of coping. I even told my friend I didn't want to go to prom anymore, and sometimes I grew irritable even at the mention of her name. I really didn't want to be mean to her, or seem catty, but I got a text from my friend saying (and I'm paraphrasing for their privacy) "I've forgiven (name), and she's still one of my best friends :frown:

". I felt really bad, I wasn't like me to be this way to someone, but I felt as if I didn't have the strength to spend time with the other girl. I'm at a really confusing stage in my life, and I do have more to worry about than this girl, but I'll take any advice at this stage. I'm scared that my friendship with my actual best friend will fall apart. I know I only have three months left of her before she goes to college, but three months seems like a long time to spend with someone I'm simply not friends with.

Reply 1

xhorseloverx

I was in an extremely similar position recently. My best friend was hanging out with a girl she knew I extremely disliked. It was such a difficult period of time for me and I can completely relate to everything you've said. Through my experience I realised my best friend didn't truly appreciate me like I did her. For me I found that our friendship just wasn't working and I hated how she watched this other girl put me down and swear at me but was still best friends with her. IMO if your best friend continues being friends with someone that they know is unkind to you then I don't think your relationship is that strong. This obviously may not be the case for you, but my experience made me realise how out of place I was in my squad...

If detaching yourself from your friendship group just isn't an option, then just sit down with your bestie and tell her what's going on. Make a list of everything unkind this girl does to you and use it as evidence that she's not nice. I understand this may not work either but the only remaining option would be to talk to someone and I know how daunting it is, because I was worried they might think I was being petty.

I'm actually better friends with the girl now than my best friend because I confronted her face to face and we just complained about each other. This technique seemed to really work as neither of us liked each other and we worked out how to amend our behaviour so that we could be around each other.

In the end, I realised the fault lay with my bestie because she refused to do something for me even when I was going through something really difficult. She is so arragont and we aren't really friends anymore...

I hope this helped and that it didn't seem insensitive! I just talk from experience and I know how difficult it is to think about some of the things mentioned above.

For reference, I'm in a new friendship group now and I feel I can be myself more. I don't feel restrained and I love everyone.❤️ Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 2

lotti5

Thank you, xhorseloverx, it's just so refreshing to talk to someone who's been through what I'm going through. I do share that fear of coming off petty, but I feel like your advice gave me a boost, good to know I'm not alone. I think I'll try and talk to my friend. If we can't resolve it, maybe it's not the best friendship. :smile:

Reply 3

Vthompson

My best friend hangs out with two girls. One is in 5th grade, and the other is in 4th grade. I love my best friend... but not so much who she likes to hang out with. I dont care that they are in two diffrent grades that we are but I just feel uncomfortable when I am around them. I know I should probably sit down and talk to her but idk how to... we are having a sleepover and ik that they were their earlier, but idk if they still are, and I'm just PRAYING that they wont be there when I get there, so o feel ya