Hi,i'm a 21 year old female student and in the past i have had a history with self harm, this was mostly related to issues and stress with my weight and guilt of a eating disorder (bulimia).
The past few months have been good for me, since i entered 3rd year in October i became commited to the gym and turning my life around, i've lost the weight and basically reached my body goal and feel proud of how i look, however it's suddenly hit me lately that all this effort and work is basically for nothing.
Because of my scars i've always been scared to have a relationship or date and have little expererience when it comes to guys. I've had sex once,a one night stand in the dark, because i knew if it didn't happen then i probably would still be a virgin at nearly 22. Without seeming concieted,i am so proud of myself and what i have achieved through the gym and hard work, i love my figure but i can't enjoy it. When i see nice shorts or playsuits in Topshop it hurts me that i can never wear them as i can't ever see myself having the confidence to show my scars to the public.
My mum wants to go on holiday over the summer and she will be confused why i will not want to go to the beach or wear a bikini/swimsuit. I've had lovely guys show an interest in me recently and i get approached alot on nights out which certainly did not happen before i lost the weight, but i always make excuses or pretend that i am not looking to date as i am so scared of having to one day approach that conversation when they see me with the lights on.
Over the past week or so i've just been feeling down about all this, i have not been sticking to the gym and i'm trying to stop myself from comfort eating as i can't go back to how i was before. I don't know what to do,there is no solution other than push past it all and learn to live with it. I know people say a guy should love you for who you are, but i can understand that many people will not want to get involved with someone with a past of self harm.
I'm sorry for the long post,i just needed to get it out of my system, i'm not even too sure what i am asking. I guess how have other people learned to live with their scars/approach new relationships/tell family