Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Brilliant 'clean' jokes watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I love jokes and often the dirtier the better. But I can't help feeling dirty jokes are easier to think of and often less clever then a good clean joke. So... please post away with your favourite clean jokes! Here is my contribution... it actually works better when spoken but I hope you'll still enjoy it:

    --------------------------------------

    The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."

    --------------------------------------
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    what do you call a woman in the distance?

















    Dot
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tednol)
    The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."

    --------------------------------------
    Lol That was quality, very smart
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tednol)
    I love jokes and often the dirtier the better. But I can't help feeling dirty jokes are easier to think of and often less clever then a good clean joke. So... please post away with your favourite clean jokes! Here is my contribution... it actually works better when spoken but I hope you'll still enjoy it:

    --------------------------------------

    The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."

    --------------------------------------
    very clean and funny.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    What do you call a camel with 4 humps?








    A Saudi Quattro!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Teacher to the class: "Who can tell me a farmyard noise?"
    Little girl: "Moo"
    Teacher: "Very good"
    Little girl no.2: "Baaa"
    Teacher: "Very good, anyone else?"
    Little boy: "I've got one miss. I hear it all the time on my dad's farm"
    Teacher: "Well, tell the rest of the class then"
    Little boy: "Get off that bloody tractor you little sh*t!!"
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by serious narb)
    what do you call a woman in the distance?
    Dot
    LMAO!!!

    I love it!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Amb1)
    Teacher to the class: "Who can tell me a farmyard noise?"
    Little girl: "Moo"
    Teacher: "Very good"
    Little girl no.2: "Baaa"
    Teacher: "Very good, anyone else?"
    Little boy: "I've got one miss. I hear it all the time on my dad's farm"
    Teacher: "Well, tell the rest of the class then"
    Little boy: "Get off that bloody tractor you little sh*t!!"

    lol now that was funny!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Q. Whats black and blue and hates sex?

    A. The little boy in my cupboard


    (not exactly clean, but it doesnt have any naughty words in it!!)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by [email protected])
    Q. Whats black and blue and hates sex?

    A. The little boy in my cupboard


    (not exactly clean, but it doesnt have any naughty words in it!!)
    Not exactly funny either!

    That's just sick... :confused:
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by [email protected])
    Q. Whats black and blue and hates sex?

    A. The little boy in my cupboard


    (not exactly clean, but it doesnt have any naughty words in it!!)
    Hahahaha!

    Very good
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by red665)
    Not exactly funny either!

    That's just sick... :confused:
    is this better?


    "My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by [email protected])
    is this better?


    "My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
    Loco
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    What does a piece of cod and Jill Dando have in common?
    They both get battered before lunchtime.

    All clean.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by [email protected])
    Q. Whats black and blue and hates sex?

    A. The little boy in my cupboard


    (not exactly clean, but it doesnt have any naughty words in it!!)
    Ha-Ha fantastic!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    What do michael jackson and mc donalnds have in common?... they both put 40 year old meat in 12 year old buns... ba da boom tish
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by [email protected])
    Q. Whats black and blue and hates sex?

    A. The little boy in my cupboard


    (not exactly clean, but it doesnt have any naughty words in it!!)

    Now, you see, you have this wrong. The real answer is a rape victim (but that's just really harsh)

    MB
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Police arrested two kids yesterday - one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks. They charged the first one and let the other one off.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by elpollodiablouk)
    Police arrested two kids yesterday - one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks. They charged the first one and let the other one off.
    Hah
 
 
 
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.