Anyone got any funny stories???

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LilNuts
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#1
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Love to hear some funny stories to start my day
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the bear
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once upon a time a prosperous country let the stupid people decide what to do next. the end.
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JohnSchnatter
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One time i started a globaly successful multi million dollar company called papa johns worldwide pizza dot com
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Nunchuck-master-2334
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(Original post by the bear)
once upon a time a prosperous country let the stupid people decide what to do next. the end.
On Friday, I completed all my school work, so spent the last lesson playing games, and got away with it! (I'm in Sixth form to make it funnier!)
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LilNuts
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(Original post by hellomynameisdro)
yh once there was this fat girl in my school cafeteria who drank chocolate milk later that day she died in hospital and the moral of the story is that YOU NEED TO STOP EATING OR ELSE YOU WILL BE OBESE AND DIE!
Thats funny
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dawek
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(Original post by LilNuts)
Thats not very funny idiot
Well if you didn't find that funny , I have a nice story here
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
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JohnSchnatter
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My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat 
circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!”
The hunter shot him in the teeth.
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the bear
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(Original post by nunchuck-master-2334)
on friday, i completed all my school work, so spent the last lesson playing games, and got away with it! (i'm in sixth form to make it funnier!)
yolo

yolo

yolo
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Nunchuck-master-2334
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(Original post by LilNuts)
Thats the *****est story ever
Considering we're banned from playing computer games and I managed to do it in front of a teacher and get away with it made it funny to me!
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dawek
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, I've already done the paperwork."
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LilNuts
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(Original post by JohnSchnatter)
My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat 
circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!”
The hunter shot him in the teeth.
LOL
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dawek
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"Hello! Is that a zoo?"

"Yes. What's up?"

"A snake has crawled into my home. I'm so scared and don't know what to do."

"Are you a member of The Animal Protection Association?"

"No, I'm not."

"A member of The Green Party?"

"Nope."

"Then smash it with a spade."
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Nunchuck-master-2334
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(Original post by dawek)
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead."
Monty Python moment captured right here!
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JohnSchnatter
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When my three-year-old was told 
to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With 
a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”
children are funny little people who bwould agree with me
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hellomynameisdro
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(Original post by LilNuts)
Thats funny
LOL have i made your day if i did thanks for listening haha!
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LilNuts
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(Original post by Nunchuck-master-2334)
Monty Python moment captured right here!
Shut up
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dawek
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I have the funniest story > .. < Your TSR profile ye fockin nonce
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Nunchuck-master-2334
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(Original post by LilNuts)
Shut up
Y?
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dawek
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#19
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(Original post by LilNuts)
I like it when my little kids fiddle my willy

.... I think you need help ....
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LilNuts
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(Original post by dawek)
.... I think you need help ....
i didnt say that you changed the quote
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