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Miserable at uni already, 3 days in...
mods: put this elsewhere if you need to, just want to rant.
Basically, I'm not the kind of person who runs around talking to just about anyone and everyone and who goes out every night and gets hammered. And I live with people who do both of these things. I don't think I'm unsociable, I'll talk to people who talk to me etc, but I don't like to make the first move so I've been pretty much cast out.
I've got some friends here from school who live in a hall about 30 mins walk away, but that means I can't go to town with them at night etc cause its too late to walk back on my own and no taxis seem to ever want to take me from their hall to mine.
So I've not really made any friends, don't feel like I can go out, and those friends from school I talked about don't want to meet up even during the day today. So I face an entire day and night by myself and I think this is how it's gonna stay
I can't even tell anyone at home how I feel 'cause they think I'm having a brilliant time :'(
It's all very well saying "you'll meet like-minded people eventually", but if they're all locked up in their rooms too how can I?!
Basically, I'm not the kind of person who runs around talking to just about anyone and everyone and who goes out every night and gets hammered. And I live with people who do both of these things. I don't think I'm unsociable, I'll talk to people who talk to me etc, but I don't like to make the first move so I've been pretty much cast out.
I've got some friends here from school who live in a hall about 30 mins walk away, but that means I can't go to town with them at night etc cause its too late to walk back on my own and no taxis seem to ever want to take me from their hall to mine.
So I've not really made any friends, don't feel like I can go out, and those friends from school I talked about don't want to meet up even during the day today. So I face an entire day and night by myself and I think this is how it's gonna stay
I can't even tell anyone at home how I feel 'cause they think I'm having a brilliant time :'(It's all very well saying "you'll meet like-minded people eventually", but if they're all locked up in their rooms too how can I?!
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It changes more once you meet people off your course, since your still in freshers week.
Theres tons of people feeling the same as you probably, its just a question of finding where they are hiding. I mean if you hide in your room all day/night how are you going to find people you like?
Theres tons of people feeling the same as you probably, its just a question of finding where they are hiding. I mean if you hide in your room all day/night how are you going to find people you like?
Reply 4
I felt like that in freshers' week too, although I didn't have anyone from school around . So, I went out, made the effort to talk to people, made myself go out and do stuff - and a year on, I can easily say it's been the best year of my life!
I assume you're still in freshers' week, and so haven't started your course yet. My advice would be to make a huge effort, find some friendly looking people to sit with etc, and try and go out with them at night, or at least socialise with them outside of lectures. It's still really early, so there's no way close friendships will have formed yet - so people will still be keen to talk and make friends.
It was tough, and slightly embarrasing at first, but it was soooo worth it, making the effort. Good luck with it!
And as someone might have already said, join societies! It's easy to find stuff to talk about if you share a common interest, whether it's sport, music, or manga or whatever....
I assume you're still in freshers' week, and so haven't started your course yet. My advice would be to make a huge effort, find some friendly looking people to sit with etc, and try and go out with them at night, or at least socialise with them outside of lectures. It's still really early, so there's no way close friendships will have formed yet - so people will still be keen to talk and make friends.
It was tough, and slightly embarrasing at first, but it was soooo worth it, making the effort. Good luck with it!
And as someone might have already said, join societies! It's easy to find stuff to talk about if you share a common interest, whether it's sport, music, or manga or whatever....
It'll get better, don't give up just yet.
Have you tried getting to know your housemates on a level which doesn't involve alcohol? If you're self-catering i'd advise you try and make yourself cook at the same time as some of your other housemates. If you hear them in the kitchen, just take a deep breath, walk in and say "hi, how are you guys today", "what have you been up to" etc. Perhaps try and see if any of them are joining any societies that you might be interested in. If they're cooking in the kitchen chances are they'll be there for at least 20-30 mins, so you've plenty of time to get to know them a bit, but more quietly. Even people who like to go out drinking and dancing have a quieter side, and in the kitchen is a good way of finding it.
Have you checked out the city yet? Maybe you can find out if they have, or if any of them want to one day.
But if you're really struggling to get on with them, and still feel isolated, you'll prob just have to hang in there until your course starts or you can join some societies. These really are the best ways to get to know people as you have a common interest.
I really wouldn't just spend all day sat in your room though, it'll get depressing. Can you go for a walk around, explore a bit. Or if you do just want to sit in your room, watch a dvd or read or something.
Good luck, keep your chin up. Things'll get better.
Have you tried getting to know your housemates on a level which doesn't involve alcohol? If you're self-catering i'd advise you try and make yourself cook at the same time as some of your other housemates. If you hear them in the kitchen, just take a deep breath, walk in and say "hi, how are you guys today", "what have you been up to" etc. Perhaps try and see if any of them are joining any societies that you might be interested in. If they're cooking in the kitchen chances are they'll be there for at least 20-30 mins, so you've plenty of time to get to know them a bit, but more quietly. Even people who like to go out drinking and dancing have a quieter side, and in the kitchen is a good way of finding it.
Have you checked out the city yet? Maybe you can find out if they have, or if any of them want to one day.
But if you're really struggling to get on with them, and still feel isolated, you'll prob just have to hang in there until your course starts or you can join some societies. These really are the best ways to get to know people as you have a common interest.
I really wouldn't just spend all day sat in your room though, it'll get depressing. Can you go for a walk around, explore a bit. Or if you do just want to sit in your room, watch a dvd or read or something.
Good luck, keep your chin up. Things'll get better.
shinyhappy
I felt like that in freshers' week too, although I didn't have anyone from school around . So, I went out, made the effort to talk to people, made myself go out and do stuff - and a year on, I can easily say it's been the best year of my life!
I assume you're still in freshers' week, and so haven't started your course yet. My advice would be to make a huge effort, find some friendly looking people to sit with etc, and try and go out with them at night, or at least socialise with them outside of lectures. It's still really early, so there's no way close friendships will have formed yet - so people will still be keen to talk and make friends.
It was tough, and slightly embarrasing at first, but it was soooo worth it, making the effort. Good luck with it!
And as someone might have already said, join societies! It's easy to find stuff to talk about if you share a common interest, whether it's sport, music, or manga or whatever....
I assume you're still in freshers' week, and so haven't started your course yet. My advice would be to make a huge effort, find some friendly looking people to sit with etc, and try and go out with them at night, or at least socialise with them outside of lectures. It's still really early, so there's no way close friendships will have formed yet - so people will still be keen to talk and make friends.
It was tough, and slightly embarrasing at first, but it was soooo worth it, making the effort. Good luck with it!
And as someone might have already said, join societies! It's easy to find stuff to talk about if you share a common interest, whether it's sport, music, or manga or whatever....
Yeah, but I find it difficult to go up to a group of people and start talking to them, I feel like I won't be welcomed because they already have their group... I was hoping that I would find someone in my flat tbh, but they seem to be getting along swimmingly and it's like they don't want me with them....
Where am I supposed to go and find people anyway? I can't just walk into the bar and sit and talk to people... there's not even anything practical to go and do seeing as it's Saturday so that I can start conversations about that...
Reply 7
sorri to be hash love but everyones in the same boat at uni!!! everyone is proabably new and shy so by not talking to people who talk to you, you risk making yourself look like a snob! im sure your not a snob in actual fact just very shy and introverted but theres no need to worry as im sure no-body would be deliberately horrible to you, just try making an effort to speak to people even if its just to smile and say hello and people will probably start warming to you alot more! xxx
newDana
It'll get better, don't give up just yet.
Have you tried getting to know your housemates on a level which doesn't involve alcohol? If you're self-catering i'd advise you try and make yourself cook at the same time as some of your other housemates. If you hear them in the kitchen, just take a deep breath, walk in and say "hi, how are you guys today", "what have you been up to" etc. Perhaps try and see if any of them are joining any societies that you might be interested in. If they're cooking in the kitchen chances are they'll be there for at least 20-30 mins, so you've plenty of time to get to know them a bit, but more quietly. Even people who like to go out drinking and dancing have a quieter side, and in the kitchen is a good way of finding it.
Have you checked out the city yet? Maybe you can find out if they have, or if any of them want to one day.
But if you're really struggling to get on with them, and still feel isolated, you'll prob just have to hang in there until your course starts or you can join some societies. These really are the best ways to get to know people as you have a common interest.
I really wouldn't just spend all day sat in your room though, it'll get depressing. Can you go for a walk around, explore a bit. Or if you do just want to sit in your room, watch a dvd or read or something.
Good luck, keep your chin up. Things'll get better.
Have you tried getting to know your housemates on a level which doesn't involve alcohol? If you're self-catering i'd advise you try and make yourself cook at the same time as some of your other housemates. If you hear them in the kitchen, just take a deep breath, walk in and say "hi, how are you guys today", "what have you been up to" etc. Perhaps try and see if any of them are joining any societies that you might be interested in. If they're cooking in the kitchen chances are they'll be there for at least 20-30 mins, so you've plenty of time to get to know them a bit, but more quietly. Even people who like to go out drinking and dancing have a quieter side, and in the kitchen is a good way of finding it.
Have you checked out the city yet? Maybe you can find out if they have, or if any of them want to one day.
But if you're really struggling to get on with them, and still feel isolated, you'll prob just have to hang in there until your course starts or you can join some societies. These really are the best ways to get to know people as you have a common interest.
I really wouldn't just spend all day sat in your room though, it'll get depressing. Can you go for a walk around, explore a bit. Or if you do just want to sit in your room, watch a dvd or read or something.
Good luck, keep your chin up. Things'll get better.
I'm trying to tell myself that there'll be people on my course etc, and you're probably right, but at the moment I'm not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel at all.
And it already has got depressing in my room. But I am in no fit state to leave it at the moment what with the emotional instability.
I'm actually shocked 'cause to be honest I quite like doing things by myself at home like shopping etc, but I suppose it's cause I know that my friends are there if I want them.
Reply 9
loadmalz
However if you make the effort of saying "Hi i'm... from... you?"... It changes all this.
I wish this was actually true.
Have you tried getting to know your housemates on a level which doesn't involve alcohol? If you're self-catering i'd advise you try and make yourself cook at the same time as some of your other housemates. If you hear them in the kitchen, just take a deep breath, walk in and say "hi, how are you guys today", "what have you been up to" etc. Perhaps try and see if any of them are joining any societies that you might be interested in. If they're cooking in the kitchen chances are they'll be there for at least 20-30 mins, so you've plenty of time to get to know them a bit, but more quietly. Even people who like to go out drinking and dancing have a quieter side, and in the kitchen is a good way of finding it.
This would seem to be a good idea, but I'm the only person out of five who actually uses our kitchen... so it doesn't always work like that.
princessdana1990
sorri to be hash love but everyones in the same boat at uni!!! everyone is proabably new and shy so by not talking to people who talk to you, you risk making yourself look like a snob! sorry!!! xxx
I DO talk to the ones who talk to me. That's not an issue.
But I can't go up and talk to people first. I'm just not like that.
Reply 12
namakemono
Yeah, but I find it difficult to go up to a group of people and start talking to them, I feel like I won't be welcomed because they already have their group... I was hoping that I would find someone in my flat tbh, but they seem to be getting along swimmingly and it's like they don't want me with them....
Where am I supposed to go and find people anyway? I can't just walk into the bar and sit and talk to people... there's not even anything practical to go and do seeing as it's Saturday so that I can start conversations about that...
Where am I supposed to go and find people anyway? I can't just walk into the bar and sit and talk to people... there's not even anything practical to go and do seeing as it's Saturday so that I can start conversations about that...
You're three days into uni... nobody is really going to have found their group yet. And like I said, of course it's uncomfortable at first, but feeling like a bit of a spare part for a little while is a small price to pay if it means you find people you get along with.
And as for where to find people, go and join some socs for heaven's sake! I'm sure there will be ones on a Saturday, but if not, then there'll be (probably literally) hundreds during the rest of the week. There must be something that interests you, or find something new to take up, extreme frisbee or something .
You just seem very reluctant to make any effort, so it shouldn't come as that much of a shock really, that you're finding it hard to meet people.
more adventurous
I wish this was actually true.
It is true. What do you expect to happen? Just walk into a class and start talking about the night before? That's the building block for everyone at University. I'm sure you're old enough to know how to have a conversation.
At my University they even give you little name badges with your department and name, making it THAT much easier.
Reply 15
Lol this is quite like what I was feeling last year. Go to some of the freshers activities which you will actually enjoy. At York last year there was a treasure hunt which I went on 'cos I'm really mature. And guided walks around the city. Any sports you enjoy/ might possibly maybe enjoy? Trot along to some taster sessions.
Also, sometimes I had pretty awkward 'conversations' last year with people (like you?) who wouldn't put the effort in. It was the usual stuff...name/course/residence/etc. and then when I tried to continue the conversation with other topics they'd get scared and run off. It was quite funny. Perhaps I am scary
.
People in your flat will not (even if they act like it on the rare occassions you're with them) be totally buddy-buddy with one another yet. If you go out and do some stuff of your own accord you will be seen as mature/interesting by the others. It gives you some more things to talk about too. It's a start, is it not?
Lastly, don't feel a failure if you haven't made tons of 'best friends' by the end of the week. In halls you are placed with other people (randomers) who you may have absolutely nothing in common with. But if you don't make some effort, how will you ever know if, say, your future housemate for next year is living just down the corridor from you? 'Tis possible.
Also, sometimes I had pretty awkward 'conversations' last year with people (like you?) who wouldn't put the effort in. It was the usual stuff...name/course/residence/etc. and then when I tried to continue the conversation with other topics they'd get scared and run off. It was quite funny. Perhaps I am scary
.People in your flat will not (even if they act like it on the rare occassions you're with them) be totally buddy-buddy with one another yet. If you go out and do some stuff of your own accord you will be seen as mature/interesting by the others. It gives you some more things to talk about too. It's a start, is it not?
Lastly, don't feel a failure if you haven't made tons of 'best friends' by the end of the week. In halls you are placed with other people (randomers) who you may have absolutely nothing in common with. But if you don't make some effort, how will you ever know if, say, your future housemate for next year is living just down the corridor from you? 'Tis possible.
Ok, if you're starting to get depressed then that's not good. Just take one step at a time.
First step, make yourself feel a bit better. Now, for me, when i'm upset or stressed i watch an episode (or 2) of Friends or Red Dwarf. That usually makes me feel much better.
Second step, do something with your day. Have you got all your stationary organised for when your course starts? Maybe you could just go into the city and buy some paper/files/pens etc. Or you could buy some sheets of colour card and glitter glue pens and make some posters for your room when you get back - i did this, by printing off a load of photos of my friends, and now i have 3 really cool posters in my room that i've kept for 3 years.
Third step, a cuppa tea solves everything. Is there someone in your house that you've spoken to a bit more than others? Perhaps you could knock on their door and see if they fancy a cup of tea and biscuits. If they're not in, try someone else's door. You are NOT the only person feeling like this. Most people get blues and homesick at some point in Fresher's week. Obviously it's not easy to just knock on someone's door, but they'll respect you for it. If you don't make an effort with them, then why should they make an effort with you. Making an effort with one person has got to be less scary than making an effort with a big group, so please just try it. If they say they don't want a cuppa tea though don't be disheartened, they might just be busy. When you're chatting to whoever it is i think you should ask them how they're feeling, if they're a bit homesick etc. Because, unless they're inhuman, they'll probably be a little scared/worried about something. "Are you looking forward to your course?" "I'm a bit nervous about walking in that first day to a lecture, are you?" etc.
If no one is in then it gets a bit trickier. But if that's the case, and you've tried the other steps feel free to PM me. Do you like rugby? I don't spose you do, but the England game starts at 3 so you could always go to a pub and watch that? Even if you don't like rugby it'd get you out of your room.
Also, leave your door open. Obviously not if you're an emotional mess. But at all other times, keep your door open if you're in your room. And if anyone walks past, say "Hey, how are things?"
Finally, i'm sure you're aware that most of the people are probably not as confident as they seem. In fresher's week i found that i just had to put on a confident act. Perhaps for 1 or 2 days, just until i'd found a couple of people to talk to. Whenever you meet someone, wherever you meet them, exchange numbers and then follow it up, arrange to meet for lunch or something. Confidence is an act, and it's fairly easy to fake - especially in Fresher's where no one knows anybody. 3 days is NOT long enough to make life long friends with people, and everyone is open to meeting people.
This whole thing probably sounds patronising and it's really long, so sorry. The problem is, that if you don't do it now..it'll get even harder. Take deep breaths and go for it. Just DON'T sit in your room all day alone. It'll make you feel worse.
First step, make yourself feel a bit better. Now, for me, when i'm upset or stressed i watch an episode (or 2) of Friends or Red Dwarf. That usually makes me feel much better.
Second step, do something with your day. Have you got all your stationary organised for when your course starts? Maybe you could just go into the city and buy some paper/files/pens etc. Or you could buy some sheets of colour card and glitter glue pens and make some posters for your room when you get back - i did this, by printing off a load of photos of my friends, and now i have 3 really cool posters in my room that i've kept for 3 years.
Third step, a cuppa tea solves everything. Is there someone in your house that you've spoken to a bit more than others? Perhaps you could knock on their door and see if they fancy a cup of tea and biscuits. If they're not in, try someone else's door. You are NOT the only person feeling like this. Most people get blues and homesick at some point in Fresher's week. Obviously it's not easy to just knock on someone's door, but they'll respect you for it. If you don't make an effort with them, then why should they make an effort with you. Making an effort with one person has got to be less scary than making an effort with a big group, so please just try it. If they say they don't want a cuppa tea though don't be disheartened, they might just be busy. When you're chatting to whoever it is i think you should ask them how they're feeling, if they're a bit homesick etc. Because, unless they're inhuman, they'll probably be a little scared/worried about something. "Are you looking forward to your course?" "I'm a bit nervous about walking in that first day to a lecture, are you?" etc.
If no one is in then it gets a bit trickier. But if that's the case, and you've tried the other steps feel free to PM me. Do you like rugby? I don't spose you do, but the England game starts at 3 so you could always go to a pub and watch that? Even if you don't like rugby it'd get you out of your room.
Also, leave your door open. Obviously not if you're an emotional mess. But at all other times, keep your door open if you're in your room. And if anyone walks past, say "Hey, how are things?"
Finally, i'm sure you're aware that most of the people are probably not as confident as they seem. In fresher's week i found that i just had to put on a confident act. Perhaps for 1 or 2 days, just until i'd found a couple of people to talk to. Whenever you meet someone, wherever you meet them, exchange numbers and then follow it up, arrange to meet for lunch or something. Confidence is an act, and it's fairly easy to fake - especially in Fresher's where no one knows anybody. 3 days is NOT long enough to make life long friends with people, and everyone is open to meeting people.
This whole thing probably sounds patronising and it's really long, so sorry. The problem is, that if you don't do it now..it'll get even harder. Take deep breaths and go for it. Just DON'T sit in your room all day alone. It'll make you feel worse.
Reply 17
Go along your corridor and knock on / say hi to anyone who has their door open - If they have their door open already it means they're like you, probably nervous about making the first move and will be happy to chat with anyone who comes their way. Also, if there is any sort of fresher's fayre, go and have a walk around. People will be clamouring for you to join their group/society if you mingle around a stand that you're interested in!
Reply 18
The going out and getting drunk thing is something completely different , you dont' have to do that - I don't. But you can definitely try a little to talk to people, or at least seem open to it. If you retreat away etc you'll put people off talking to you!
Reply 19
namakemono
I'm trying to tell myself that there'll be people on my course etc, and you're probably right, but at the moment I'm not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel at all.
And it already has got depressing in my room. But I am in no fit state to leave it at the moment what with the emotional instability.
I'm actually shocked 'cause to be honest I quite like doing things by myself at home like shopping etc, but I suppose it's cause I know that my friends are there if I want them.
And it already has got depressing in my room. But I am in no fit state to leave it at the moment what with the emotional instability.
I'm actually shocked 'cause to be honest I quite like doing things by myself at home like shopping etc, but I suppose it's cause I know that my friends are there if I want them.
ive felt exactly like uni.
I went up on the 16th of september, my freshers starts 24th.
And ive come home for this weekend because i am not enjoying being up away from everything and everyone.
My girlfriend is at a uni close to my home.
And i am giving myself till the end of freshers week, and if i dont feel any better or if i dont want to be up there, i will be changing uni's and living at home.
i know people are like your going to miss student life, but at the end of the day i'm going to uni to get my degree. What do you get your degree for?
... To get a job.
The student life is pretty **** to be blunt.
If you want to chat, drop me a pm
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