Crushes whilst in a relationship.... how to get over it??

I have a huge crush on one of my best male friends. I'm in a very serious relationship and there is no question of ending it as I am very happy with my partner. However, I just can't stop thinking about my friend, admiring his physique, looking in to his eyes, flirting with him, etc.

We've just been travelling together for over a month and I now have a couple of weeks before uni term starts again and we're together all the time. I would really value some advice on how to drive him out of my thoughts in the meantime. I know that its wrong to think about another guy like this but am of the opinion that as long as I don't act on it, it will fade eventually.

I am his closest female friend, although he does have another girl who he is very close to (an ex). I do get quite jealous if he withholds things from me, and whilst I want him to get a girlfriend I'm dreading it at the same time, as I will no longer be his closest confidante.

I'm fairly sure that I love him, although whether this is a "sexual" sort of love or simply a very deep friendly caring for somebody, I'm not sure. I'm just driven to want to forget about him out of loyalty to my partner, who is really incredible. It's just that we've been together for a long time and obviously the frission has faded (although the relationship itself is still really great, especially sexually).

Sorry for the rambling! Any ideas?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

i cant really help here, but can share my thought.

i think my boyfriend has the same problem as well. Although he didn't tell me exactly what's going on between him and his very close female best friend, but i think there's something between them just like you and that best male friend. My bf and I are having a LDR , and i trust him fully. In one of the mail he sent me he did mention his female best friend(back at home) was crying because he has to leave her to study in other place. And he said it was just the two of them at that time. And he said he "has to make her happy, and stop crying" which made me wonder what he exactly did...he's a very loving and caring guy, so i could understand if that girl has crush on him.

Oh well, as people have said, if it's meant to be it's meant to be...

Reply 2

A Y A Z

11

You can't be in love with two people at the same time. But you seem to think that way, in which case:

Decide on who loves YOU more and who will keep YOU happier.

If you think there would have been something special with this guy, it would have already happened. It hasn't. Be faithful to the other; he's going to be with you his entire life. Imagine how he would feel if you did something terrible.

Would you like it if he did that to you?

Reply 3

evaki

6

I would say don't think of YOU and who makes YOU happier. If you stay with your boyfriend because he's a great guy and you have great sex, then that's a lousy reason to be with him. Do you love your current boyfriend? If you do then you might just have to stop seeing the other friend you are interesting in, because I think that you will not be able to stop feeling for him if you keep being around him. If you do not love your boyfriend and just stay in the relationship because it's secure and the sex is good and you don't want to hurt him, well then you're not honest with him, you are cheating on him emotionally and just using him for your own benefits. I admire you for wanting to fall "out" of love with your friend, but if you are really serious about that I think you have to stop seeing him. It's one or the other, you can't have both.
This is of course only my analysis based on a short post in a forum, but you can think about it, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm completely wrong, only you can know that.
Good luck! :smile:

Crushes whilst in a relationship.... how to get over it??

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