Sent a romantic package to girl I like. She got with another man

I don't normally post topics in forums but I really need some good advice and I'm embarrassed to talk about it to talk it with anyone I know because makes me upset.

I finished university back in late 2015 and since then I've been doing internship abroad for a year and well as some other travels that I prepared before hand because I knew the dates I was finishing. I did my internship in Marseille in France, the people I worked for spoke English but not knowing the language it was hard for to socialise so I began going to international events mostly English friendly ones.

One day I received a add and a message on Facebook from a girl from one of the events I went to. We never spoke at the event mainly because I'm normally with a big group hard to get to each individual and I assumed she didn't speak English as I've only heard her speak French and Spanish being her native language. She messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up, turned out she lived on the next block over so meeting her was easy. She hanged as friends over and over, drinking at bars mainly. One night it got a bit fruity as she invited me over and told reason she didn't speak to me in person before was because she was very shy. We began a more friends with benefits type relationship. We both fancied each other but I told her that I would be going back to the UK end of the year and other travel plans so I can't get into a serious relationship.

She told me she only wanted me and never met a man like me. She did a lot for me while I was in Marseille like translating stuff for me, giving food me, waiting outside my work or outside my rented flat just to see me. I never had a girl so into me usually I'm either a friend or just a fling so I taken back by what she did for me.

So the year ended I was finished there and went onto my next travel which was just a holiday. It was in a Spanish speaking country that I went to so I was trying to pick it up and write out a postcard for her. I planned to send her a package with souvenirs and stuff from the UK when I got home, it included a love note and romantic items like chocolate, bath candles etc. I had prepared this for her but it took me a while as I also had holidays booked so was waiting when I had more time.

So about a week ago I finally sent off the package. I didn't tell her as I wanted it to be a surprise but about a few days ago she messaged me on Facebook. Asking how I was and how was my holiday. I was joking that it's last one and that and she told about how she was getting on then she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't really respond to it just like cool. I was very disheartened by it, the girl I like and told me I was man of her dreams went off with another man. It hurts because I spent a lot of time and genuinely care for her.

I regret sending her the package now as it will make look like a idiot and worried what her reaction will be as like I said contains love note etc. It will probably reach to her in the next few days and I don't know what to say when we next speak. I still haven't found the words say how I feel about having a boyfriend. I don't how to feel because I was thinking going back to Marseille but stay there permanently but now I don't know. I really know how to react in the best way and what is the best move.

What should I do? I would really need some advice.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I don't normally post topics in forums but I really need some good advice and I'm embarrassed to talk about it to talk it with anyone I know because makes me upset.

I finished university back in late 2015 and since then I've been doing internship abroad for a year and well as some other travels that I prepared before hand because I knew the dates I was finishing. I did my internship in Marseille in France, the people I worked for spoke English but not knowing the language it was hard for to socialise so I began going to international events mostly English friendly ones.

One day I received a add and a message on Facebook from a girl from one of the events I went to. We never spoke at the event mainly because I'm normally with a big group hard to get to each individual and I assumed she didn't speak English as I've only heard her speak French and Spanish being her native language. She messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up, turned out she lived on the next block over so meeting her was easy. She hanged as friends over and over, drinking at bars mainly. One night it got a bit fruity as she invited me over and told reason she didn't speak to me in person before was because she was very shy. We began a more friends with benefits type relationship. We both fancied each other but I told her that I would be going back to the UK end of the year and other travel plans so I can't get into a serious relationship.

She told me she only wanted me and never met a man like me. She did a lot for me while I was in Marseille like translating stuff for me, giving food me, waiting outside my work or outside my rented flat just to see me. I never had a girl so into me usually I'm either a friend or just a fling so I taken back by what she did for me.

So the year ended I was finished there and went onto my next travel which was just a holiday. It was in a Spanish speaking country that I went to so I was trying to pick it up and write out a postcard for her. I planned to send her a package with souvenirs and stuff from the UK when I got home, it included a love note and romantic items like chocolate, bath candles etc. I had prepared this for her but it took me a while as I also had holidays booked so was waiting when I had more time.

So about a week ago I finally sent off the package. I didn't tell her as I wanted it to be a surprise but about a few days ago she messaged me on Facebook. Asking how I was and how was my holiday. I was joking that it's last one and that and she told about how she was getting on then she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't really respond to it just like cool. I was very disheartened by it, the girl I like and told me I was man of her dreams went off with another man. It hurts because I spent a lot of time and genuinely care for her.

I regret sending her the package now as it will make look like a idiot and worried what her reaction will be as like I said contains love note etc. It will probably reach to her in the next few days and I don't know what to say when we next speak. I still haven't found the words say how I feel about having a boyfriend. I don't how to feel because I was thinking going back to Marseille but stay there permanently but now I don't know. I really know how to react in the best way and what is the best move.

What should I do? I would really need some advice.

Forget her? Unfortunately after her many great words, she didn't follow through - sounds like you were disposable to her. You're not the first person this has happened to - unfortunately we learn to protect ourselves the hard way.

Reply 2

Hopefully1

12

I don't think she was being untrue at all and you certainly weren't disposable. My thoughts on this is that you simply let a good one get away. I'm sorry to say but that is what happened. You met a lovely girl who was clearly very keen on you, but you said yourself that you didn't want a serious relationship and you were 'friend's' with benefits. She let you know her interest level by telling you you were the only man she wanted and by being there for you. Although you had the feelings you couldn't allow yourself to openly express them to her. Then your priority was to go off on your holidays, which is understandable, but you apparently left a lingering relationship with a girl who felt you'd left and made your holidays and moving on more important than her..... so she moved on. You don't say how long a time period has passed from when you left to your sending the package and learning about the boyfriend. This does happen and you can't beat yourself up over it and you shouldn't be disappointed in her either. As far as what to do.... hopefully she'll reach out to you when she does receive the package. The absolute best way to handle it is to be straight forward and own your feelings towards her. Tell her what she meant to you and how the efforts she made on her behalf were so thoughtful. You could even tell her that you messed up by not telling her in person before you left. Depending on the strength of her new relationship she might reconsider being with you but please don't plan or count on that. But, you will have closure and honesty and that will go a long way for when you find the next girl. You'll be able to converse better in the future w/ this girl as well..... just get things out in the open. Then respect her if she chooses to stay with the new guy and then wish her well and sincerely mean it. When the next girl comes along, and she will, then don't let her get away and appreciate the beauty of a relationship and having someone care about you. I'd suggest if you liked Marseille and can get a job don't let this keep you from returning. Life is full of possibilities, cliche, but true.

Reply 3

Diego Costa

18

She wanted a serious relationship, you wouldn't offer that to her, so she went to someone who would. It hurts but as stated above, the only option is just to ignore her unless she hits you up.

Reply 4

Zarek

21

Relationships are a minefield. Just hold your head high and work on a plan B.

Reply 5

Sara_t

12

Original post by Anonymous

I don't normally post topics in forums but I really need some good advice and I'm embarrassed to talk about it to talk it with anyone I know because makes me upset.

I finished university back in late 2015 and since then I've been doing internship abroad for a year and well as some other travels that I prepared before hand because I knew the dates I was finishing. I did my internship in Marseille in France, the people I worked for spoke English but not knowing the language it was hard for to socialise so I began going to international events mostly English friendly ones.

One day I received a add and a message on Facebook from a girl from one of the events I went to. We never spoke at the event mainly because I'm normally with a big group hard to get to each individual and I assumed she didn't speak English as I've only heard her speak French and Spanish being her native language. She messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up, turned out she lived on the next block over so meeting her was easy. She hanged as friends over and over, drinking at bars mainly. One night it got a bit fruity as she invited me over and told reason she didn't speak to me in person before was because she was very shy. We began a more friends with benefits type relationship. We both fancied each other but I told her that I would be going back to the UK end of the year and other travel plans so I can't get into a serious relationship.

She told me she only wanted me and never met a man like me. She did a lot for me while I was in Marseille like translating stuff for me, giving food me, waiting outside my work or outside my rented flat just to see me. I never had a girl so into me usually I'm either a friend or just a fling so I taken back by what she did for me.

So the year ended I was finished there and went onto my next travel which was just a holiday. It was in a Spanish speaking country that I went to so I was trying to pick it up and write out a postcard for her. I planned to send her a package with souvenirs and stuff from the UK when I got home, it included a love note and romantic items like chocolate, bath candles etc. I had prepared this for her but it took me a while as I also had holidays booked so was waiting when I had more time.

So about a week ago I finally sent off the package. I didn't tell her as I wanted it to be a surprise but about a few days ago she messaged me on Facebook. Asking how I was and how was my holiday. I was joking that it's last one and that and she told about how she was getting on then she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't really respond to it just like cool. I was very disheartened by it, the girl I like and told me I was man of her dreams went off with another man. It hurts because I spent a lot of time and genuinely care for her.

I regret sending her the package now as it will make look like a idiot and worried what her reaction will be as like I said contains love note etc. It will probably reach to her in the next few days and I don't know what to say when we next speak. I still haven't found the words say how I feel about having a boyfriend. I don't how to feel because I was thinking going back to Marseille but stay there permanently but now I don't know. I really know how to react in the best way and what is the best move.

What should I do? I would really need some advice.

That is pretty awkward but to be honest it's not your fault. She did make it obvious she really liked you and you didn't know she was in a relationship until after you sent the package.

Don't just ignore the entire situation and pretend it didn't happen, that would make it even more awkward. Just message her and be honest. Say that you did start liking her in that way but apologise about the fact you didn't know she has a boyfriend but that you respect her decision and will remain in touch as friends (if you want that is).
You need to give an opportunity to explain yourself once she opens that package.

But don't be too disheartened, remember, plenty of fish in the sea

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 6

Twinpeaks

18

Original post by Anonymous

Forget her? Unfortunately after her many great words, she didn't follow through - sounds like you were disposable to her. You're not the first person this has happened to - unfortunately we learn to protect ourselves the hard way.

Very poisonous way of thinking. I'd love to know who is behind the mask of anon :wink:

OP, she told you how much she cared for you but you made it clear that you weren't interested in a relationship, did you expect her to wait for you when you gave her no hope for a relationship?

You aren't to blame though, because I don't think you realised how much you cared for her until you left. And there's nothing wrong with that, but what I'm saying is don't hold this against her.

Reply 7

ANM775

20

Original post by Anonymous

I don't normally post topics in forums but I really need some good advice and I'm embarrassed to talk about it to talk it with anyone I know because makes me upset.

I finished university back in late 2015 and since then I've been doing internship abroad for a year and well as some other travels that I prepared before hand because I knew the dates I was finishing. I did my internship in Marseille in France, the people I worked for spoke English but not knowing the language it was hard for to socialise so I began going to international events mostly English friendly ones.

One day I received a add and a message on Facebook from a girl from one of the events I went to. We never spoke at the event mainly because I'm normally with a big group hard to get to each individual and I assumed she didn't speak English as I've only heard her speak French and Spanish being her native language. She messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up, turned out she lived on the next block over so meeting her was easy. She hanged as friends over and over, drinking at bars mainly. One night it got a bit fruity as she invited me over and told reason she didn't speak to me in person before was because she was very shy. We began a more friends with benefits type relationship. We both fancied each other but I told her that I would be going back to the UK end of the year and other travel plans so I can't get into a serious relationship.

She told me she only wanted me and never met a man like me. She did a lot for me while I was in Marseille like translating stuff for me, giving food me, waiting outside my work or outside my rented flat just to see me. I never had a girl so into me usually I'm either a friend or just a fling so I taken back by what she did for me.

So the year ended I was finished there and went onto my next travel which was just a holiday. It was in a Spanish speaking country that I went to so I was trying to pick it up and write out a postcard for her. I planned to send her a package with souvenirs and stuff from the UK when I got home, it included a love note and romantic items like chocolate, bath candles etc. I had prepared this for her but it took me a while as I also had holidays booked so was waiting when I had more time.

So about a week ago I finally sent off the package. I didn't tell her as I wanted it to be a surprise but about a few days ago she messaged me on Facebook. Asking how I was and how was my holiday. I was joking that it's last one and that and she told about how she was getting on then she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't really respond to it just like cool. I was very disheartened by it, the girl I like and told me I was man of her dreams went off with another man. It hurts because I spent a lot of time and genuinely care for her.

I regret sending her the package now as it will make look like a idiot and worried what her reaction will be as like I said contains love note etc. It will probably reach to her in the next few days and I don't know what to say when we next speak. I still haven't found the words say how I feel about having a boyfriend. I don't how to feel because I was thinking going back to Marseille but stay there permanently but now I don't know. I really know how to react in the best way and what is the best move.

What should I do? I would really need some advice.