I'm too dependent on my boyfriend

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months now, and I've really changed. In the first three months, I used to feel really confident and pretty and happy, and believed that he loved me, and so it didn't matter so much if I couldn't see him for a while because it still felt like he loved me. However recently, I've started crying every time we can't see each other (even if it's only for a day), and I think this is because it no longer feels like he loves me when he isn't there. I've lost all my confidence and I don't know what to do. I know the obvious solution is to see more of my friends and not focus my life around my boyfriend, but I don't want to spend time with anyone other than him.

It also doesn't help that recently, he got a part in a play that I really wanted to be in, but couldn't because of other school responsibilities I have. Now I'm afraid he'll be able to see me even less because of rehearsals. I really don't know what to do - I want to be the confident happy person I was at the start of the relationship, but I don't know how to get myself out of the clingy, dependent, pathetic person I've become. Any help would be really appreciated (and sorry for the long post).

Reply 1

PeeWeeDan

15

To be honest, you need to grow a backbone, and stop being an appendage of someone else. Do something else. Either that, or tell your boyfriend to be the needy type. That would be ironic, and would make you the cutest/most horrifyingly annoying couple ever :P

Reply 2

DodgyTrousers

7

I think you already have the solution as you mentioned, you just need to ignore the pain in the short term. Get out more and socialise! Like you say, you're just getting too needy, which is likely to get annoying for your fella.

Also (lecherous mode on!) it's pretty unlikely he's looking elsewhere judging by your profile pic :smile:

You'll feel happier, and probably more confident if you just put yourself out there. Just don't let yourself keep doing the same thing as you're doing now. I mean, look where it's got you so far!

Reply 3

speedstacker

3

I expereinced the similar situation. I think you feel quite upset just now because you're loving him much more than you used to. You'll get use to it sooner or later like myself. There's nothing we can really do to stop the feeling really. I tried to go out, go clubing, but even when i was dancing i still thought about him!! so...you just have to take your time to get used to this. Be strong :smile:

Reply 4

Ashes_to_Ashes

2

DanielIvtsan

To be honest, you need to grow a backbone, and stop being an appendage of someone else. Do something else. Either that, or tell your boyfriend to be the needy type. That would be ironic, and would make you the cutest/most horrifyingly annoying couple ever :P

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Reply 5

username47781

20

You really seem clingy, that his a huge turn off, you need to accept that you can't see him all the time otherwise you will drive him away

Reply 6

Pixie_256

Im guessing that because of all the time you've been spending with him you've been neglecting your other friends, spend a day with them shopping etc have fun without him with your other friends, I'm sure you'll enjoy it and forget about him for a little while (In a good way)

Reply 7

simple_things

do he and your friends know each other? if not then introduce them.
go and watch him in rehearsals if you can. be aware that this might annoy people though so stay in the background if you do.
try going out with your friends or finding other things to occupy the time when you're not around each other with. it will take a little getting used to but your mind will ease with time.

Reply 8

Peppi

wow, this sounds like me a year ago.
I seen my boyfriend for a year and a half solid. every single day. He stayed over every night of the week. We lived in each others pockets. We broke up in July and this week as been the first week I havent seen him. Its been sooo hard to give him up. But I have eventually gotten used to it.
This is just a warning, you may lose him forever if your not careful. you need to spend time apart and have special time together. It wont work otherwise.

Reply 9

annsmith

lazyfuzzy, i agree... you're going to drive him away if you keep this up.

You know you've got to have balance in your life, so make the effort.

Also, it looks like your self esteem is suffering. I know this may sound stupid, but i would suggest that every time you start feeling badly, you remind yourself of the wonderful person you are and that many people want your company. I normally wouldn't suggest this, but it might even be good for you to flirt a little with others! :smile:

Reply 10

Phantom Phoenix

13

I'm on the other end of this, and it's really causing problems. Seriously, just back off or he'll start to really resent you. Sorry to be harsh but this is from my own experience.

Reply 11

shellfish

do what you can to make your own time. ive made this mistake, and am really resenting it atm. my boyfriend is away in uni, and its made it SO much harder, but he doesnt see it from my POV. really worried im gonna loose him now.
just make sure you do something before it gets too late!

good luck (:

Reply 12

Addi

Obviously, backing off isnt something you want to do, is that because you need to see him every day? or because its a habit?

You sound smart enough and already know what you should do, just need to take the first step and I wish you luck.
Dont have him as the focal point of your life, backing off doesnt sound 'fun' but mix in some days out with the girls or working on your own projects and you'll get pleasure out of your time AND couple time when you have it will feel special again (absence makes the heart...)

Reply 13

The Solitary Reaper

9

I think you should re-establish your 'outside of him' life. It might be a little up-hill to begin with i think it's the best thing you could do; not just as a 'safety net' but for some balance.

:smile:

Reply 14

campbell87

8

Sometimes some time apart can help you both and can make a relationship so much stronger. That happy, confident person is still very much inside of you, its not something that only shines because of him, you just need to find it again and bring it out to play. Socialising more really does help, and it gives you both so much more to talk about when you are together.
The less often you see him the more you will look forward to seeing each other and the more fun and special your time together will be, you'll cherish each other more.

Reply 15

sophierw

1

Break up

Reply 16

Cassie89

I completely sympathise, it's really really really hard to get out this state of mind once you're in it. But you have to, because it WILL end up ruining your relationship. When you see him, enjoy the time you spend with him and be the best person you can be, don't get into a circle of being needy and whiny when you're with him, cos then when you are apart you'll want to ring/see him to make it up. Wait for him to ring/text/arrange to meet up, that'll give you confidence that he does love you. And the best thing is, when you start drawing back and giving him some space, he'll start giving you lots more attention :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Honeslty it could be as simple as just taking a week to yourslef and recenter. Don't make plans with him, after maybe a day or two of being a bit miserable you'll get bored and realize you need to do stuff on your own and you'll start to rebuild that motivation to do things that don't involve him. You really shouldn't be so attached to someone that you get emotionally distrought after not seeing them for a day, and you clearly realize this. Just take a step back and realize you are fine with or without him in your day.

Bit of a note: the longer this goes on the less attractive you will become as, as someone said, an apendage of your bf and let alone will he notice that and possibly dump you but also the people around you will get the impression that you can't function without being attached to the hip to this guy which won't help your situation.

I'm too dependent on my boyfriend

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