Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

Why are people scared of commitment? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    :hmmm:

    And if you arn't, why do you think people are?

    I think it's because some folk are scared to get hurt again or don't let themselves fall for someone because of previous experiances...
    or maybe they are unable to form the emotional connections ect?

    But surely we should learn from what's happened in the past and use what we learnt to help built stronger relationships in the present or future?

    And if you're someone who isn't ready to commit, or afraid of commitment- why? what are you reasons for it, if you have any?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Committing means making a decision and for me, indecisiveness defines me
    So much easier to back out of any permanent decisions and shy away, I guess
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BrainyBengali)
    Committing means making a decision and for me, indecisiveness defines me
    So much easier to back out of any permanent decisions and shy away, I guess
    hahaha i know what you mean by indecisiveness, but surely you'll have to/need to one day?
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Like you summed it up, previous experiences, but also I think the idea of finding someone and settling down isn't as enforced as it used to be, we have become independent on our own and many people choose a career instead. I'm the type of person who can't focus on a career/studies and being committed to someone.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CleverSquirrel)
    hahaha i know what you mean by indecisiveness, but surely you'll have to/need to one day?
    Yep, but that comes eventually with maturity - the final decision to 'settle-down' as the middle-aged say
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    3
    (Original post by CleverSquirrel)
    :hmmm:

    And if you arn't, why do you think people are?

    I think it's because some folk are scared to get hurt again or don't let themselves fall for someone because of previous experiances...
    or maybe they are unable to form the emotional connections ect?

    But surely we should learn from what's happened in the past and use what we learnt to help built stronger relationships in the present or future?

    And if you're someone who isn't ready to commit, or afraid of commitment- why? what are you reasons for it, if you have any?
    It depends what you mean by commitment. Some people dont want to settle down and feel trapped or feel all there options have gone. Most of the time we feel there is better just round the corner. Commitment with the right person is easy and natural.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    The idea of commitment means that you have to be devoted to this individual till the end. That concept in itself can be pretty daunting. I think that for a lot of people, they feel a sense of entrapment or even oppression.

    EDIT: I doubt that would be the case if you loved that individual though.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    It depends what you mean by commitment. Some people dont want to settle down and feel trapped or feel all there options have gone. Most of the time we feel there is better just round the corner. Commitment with the right person is easy and natural.
    i agree, and by commitment, it could be anytime- from asking someone out after seeing them for a while, or even settling down once you've both matured ect

    i like the last bit- i agree 100%


    (Original post by BrainyBengali)
    Yep, but that comes eventually with maturity - the final decision to 'settle-down' as the middle-aged say
    yep! you're right- i guess it does

    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Like you summed it up, previous experiences, but also I think the idea of finding someone and settling down isn't as enforced as it used to be, we have become independent on our own and many people choose a career instead. I'm the type of person who can't focus on a career/studies and being committed to someone.
    i dont know- i like the idea of becoming independant but i feel like you should have someone by your side too though? otherwise people become so career focussed that they beocme lonely?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    people wanna practice polygamy
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ||TheUnknown||)
    The idea of commitment means that you have to be devoted to this individual till the end. That concept in itself can be pretty daunting. I think that for a lot of people, they feel a sense of entrapment or even oppression.

    EDIT: I doubt that would be the case if you loved that individual though.
    I can see where you're coming from, though surely having that connection with that person and level of trust means that it's not daunting like you said?

    but you're right, if you love them, then it's not the case
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CleverSquirrel)
    i agree, and by commitment it could be anytime- from asking someone out after seeing them for a while, or even settling down once you've both matured ect

    i like the last bit- i agree 100%



    yep! you're right- i guess it does



    i dont know- i like the idea of becoming independant but i feel like you should have someone by your side too though? otherwise people become so career focussed that they beocme lonely?
    Possibly yes, I think for a lot of people, it is the fear of taking the person for granted that they become too committed and attached, and of course it being one sided. If it was a relationship, it's much more easier to define commitment, from a friendship point of view, it's complex. I wouldn't mind dating while having a career, but if you find someone who is also career focused, you both may lose sight of your love. I don't think people are as afraid of commitment as they are trying to find commitment. We lead busy lives, dating apps are mostly used for casual and short term relationships and we tend to settle down later in life.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    people wanna practice polygamy
    It's still commitment though
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CleverSquirrel)
    :hmmm:

    And if you arn't, why do you think people are?

    I think it's because some folk are scared to get hurt again or don't let themselves fall for someone because of previous experiances...
    or maybe they are unable to form the emotional connections ect?

    But surely we should learn from what's happened in the past and use what we learnt to help built stronger relationships in the present or future?

    And if you're someone who isn't ready to commit, or afraid of commitment- why? what are you reasons for it, if you have any?
    You might just want to have fun ?
    There are so many opportunities you can always get something better.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    people wanna practice polygamy
    hmmmm

    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Possibly yes, I think for a lot of people, it is the fear of taking the person for granted that they become too committed and attached, and of course it being one sided. If it was a relationship, it's much more easier to define commitment, from a friendship point of view, it's complex. I wouldn't mind dating while having a career, but if you find someone who is also career focused, you both may lose sight of your love. I don't think people are as afraid of commitment as they are trying to find commitment. We lead busy lives, dating apps are mostly used for casual and short term relationships and we tend to settle down later in life.
    thats very true....i like your thinking girl!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I think it's just lazy reasoning to say that because you were hurt in the past that therefore you don't want to commit to anyone in the future. That's like saying if you were in a car accident and you survived, you won't ever drive again. Or if you ate your mom's spaghetti carbonara made with cream and *****y overboiled spaghetti and you didn't like it, you'd not eat it again if some Grand chef from Rome made it for you.

    I don't think people think through what they say. It's just a reflexive reaction. Like, I will never be as naive as I was before the girl I was (still am) in love with teared my heart apart like it was naan bread. But that doesn't mean I don't wanna love someone else. I will just be far more cautious and reserved. But all people aren't the same and if I am not open to love then I might as well call it quits and shoot my self in the face.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FakeNewsEditor)
    I think it's just lazy reasoning to say that because you were hurt in the past that therefore you don't want to commit to anyone in the future. That's like saying if you were in a car accident and you survived, you won't ever drive again. Or if you ate your mom's spaghetti carbonara made with cream and *****y overboiled spaghetti and you didn't like it, you'd not eat it again if some Grand chef from Rome made it for you.

    I don't think people think through what they say. It's just a reflexive reaction. Like, I will never be as naive as I was before the girl I was (still am) in love with teared my heart apart like it was naan bread. But that doesn't mean I don't wanna love someone else. I will just be far more cautious and reserved. But all people aren't the same and if I am not open to love then I might as well call it quits and shoot my self in the face.
    THIS!

    thats so true! i agree with you 100%

    im pretty much the same. i wont not love someone because of whats happened in the past- id use it to build a stronger relationship- thats what it's all about- you'll get hurt- it's part of it all- like a cyle unitll you find someone to settle with if that makes sense?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    The only reason why I'm afraid of commitment is cos when you meet someone, you like them for who they are but as soon as they get attached to you they seem to want to change everything they first loved about you in the first place. That's my experience anyway.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    a lot of boys have said I have commitment issues, but not in terms of cheating or anything i would never do that. I just can't settle sometimes or open up to every boy i date, when things move too quick I just become a bit suspicious and anxious and it's definitely due to prior experiences.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Most people are ****s and I don't trust them.

    I have also seen what happens during a really messy divorce, not for me thanks.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Redflag1)
    The only reason why I'm afraid of commitment is cos when you meet someone, you like them for who they are but as soon as they get attached to you they seem to want to change everything they first loved about you in the first place. That's my experience anyway.
    so you think once you've commited, everything in the relationship changes? since they dont have to 'try' anymore?
    it shouldn't be like that in a stable relationshio imo

    (Original post by _princessxox)
    a lot of boys have said I have commitment issues, but not in terms of cheating or anything i would never do that. I just can't settle sometimes or open up to every boy i date, when things move too quick I just become a bit suspicious and anxious and it's definitely due to prior experiences.
    hmmm i see where you're coming from, sometimes thing to move too fast that it puts people off

    (Original post by Willy Pete)
    Most people are ****s and I don't trust them.

    I have also seen what happens during a really messy divorce, not for me thanks.
    i have trust issues too, i think its quite normal.

    ahh okay i see :yep:
 
 
 
Write a reply… Reply
Submit reply
Updated: March 21, 2017
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Poll
How are you feeling about your A-level results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.