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feeling very low and want to give up..

Hello

I just need some advice please.

I have been with my bf since 2012. I was a virgin when I met him and we used to have rough sex a lot.. however, I developed problems because of this an currently have terrible health problems which all started since I lost my virginity

indirectly, I DO blame him for this cos I am the one who is suffering everyday, feel like a prisoner, can't do nothing whilst he has nothing PHYSICAL stopping him

on top of this, I am trying to do uni, have no friends, have no capacity to make friends, have no capacity to do sports/societies, have no one to relate to or have a connection,

I cant face my family as well.

You see the thing in the last 4 years, he has also had problems to do with securing his future,..

He has had depression because of always losing out on jobs/job offers/university..

He has only just managed to nearly secure a stable job...

The problem is we go round in a TOXIC cycle where he doesnt want to listen to me talking about my pain cos he can't do nothing and he is unhappy and miserable himself, then I GO even more sadder feel not even the guy who was supposed to be here for me just used me..

then we dont talk, we start talking but he never wants to talk it out cos He said he doesnt want to deal with it..

as You can tell from this post, I have NOTHING to offer to anyone, no other guy would EVER like me like this, and I am clinging on to my bf as I am lonely and have no one else

I am feeling very sorry for myself

I have no one

I can't even break up with him...

Reply 1

Hopefully1

First and foremost you should see a doctor about your chronic pain. Absolutely in no circumstance should you be having pain like you are describing. If you have had rough sex perhaps during the episode but it should stop when the sex is over. Please, if you have't go see a doctor. The I think you should also seriously consider seeing a therapist. Your bf doesn't sound like he's in a very good place and isn't willing to come up with a way to make positive changes to his life. But, the truth is not matter what you can't get him to change you can only ever change yourself. Hopefully he would change as a result. I think you should visit a therapist as you rightfully sound depressed and you need a proper place to vent about your bf and start thinking about what YOU want with your life moving forward. Perhaps the therapist can help you find a strategy to help your relationship with your family and some ways to help you find friends. It seems to me the pattern you are in right now is going to keep you in a perpetual state of depression. I think you need to go find your voice do not EVER feel you have NOTHING to offer.....YOU are important and you DO matter. You are emotionally low but you do have a great deal of value to your immediate family and there is soooooo much untapped potential for you once you figure out what is causing you pain (and I'd abstain from sex for a while and your bf can just get over needing it for a bit). You are in uni and when you are in a better place mentally and physically you'll be in a much better place to seek out new friendships. It seems like your boyfriend is holding you back in life. Don't hang on to him..... you have a lot to offer the world and when you start participating more in the world you are going to find wonderful new people who will gladly be your friend. I even suspect that if you were to break up with your bf your relationship with your family would improve. Please go see a doctor and a therapist. Best of luck to you.

Reply 2

Analyst89

You are a human being, so you are always of value. You are at uni, you are doing something with your life and in time, will meet amazing people.

Think of it as they way, no matter how many times a £20 note is stamped on, it still has value!

I'm very sure you have a lot of fantastic qualities to give.

See you doctor with the chronic pain and Hopefully1 above has given great advice.

To help with friendships:

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident?

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about the weather or did you see that sports game?

7) Be passionate about life.

8) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.

9) Look outside!

Good luck!