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Why is it that guys have to go after girls?

As a shy guy I am constantly disheartened at my research into getting a girlfriend that it's seen as the guys job to go after girls. Also, why do girls not show interest in guys the same as guys show interest in girls?

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Reply 1
What research are you conducting? It's not a job/duty as such but if you like a girl, it makes sense that you'd approach them. In other words, they're not going to know you like them, they can't read minds.
Original post by UWS
What research are you conducting? It's not a job/duty as such but if you like a girl, it makes sense that you'd approach them. In other words, they're not going to know you like them, they can't read minds.


I've just been looking a few websites... I suppose your right about letting them know your interested. Any advice on how I could approach confidently???
Because....
You take the key to the door,
you don't take the door to the key.
Original post by Sgt. Peppers
As a shy guy I am constantly disheartened at my research into getting a girlfriend that it's seen as the guys job to go after girls. Also, why do girls not show interest in guys the same as guys show interest in girls?


You know it's not 1956 any longer, don't you? Women actually are allowed to approach men they're interested in and they often do - they don't sit on chairs around the perimeter of a room waiting for their dance card to be filled.

Maybe it's you the girls aren't showing interest in, rather than girls not showing interest per se?
Original post by Reality Check
You know it's not 1956 any longer, don't you? Women actually are allowed to approach men they're interested in and they often do - they don't sit on chairs around the perimeter of a room waiting for their dance card to be filled.

Maybe it's you the girls aren't showing interest in, rather than girls not showing interest per se?


Hands down the best poster on the forum! :h:
Girls do but it doesn't happen very often from my experience.
Try to be more outgoing as that increases the potential for someone to approach you.
Reply 7
If a girl is actually sufficiently interested in a guy often there will be signals, ..as a guy, it's upto you to try and notice them.

some girls will even approach a guy and directly hit on him too...


if a girl isn't particularly bothered by a guy, then you tend to get no signals ...or no girls hitting on you ...so you must try and hit on them yourself and see if one will take you.

Like there are some girls, that I'm not into enough to try hitting on them or really make much efforts to impress/woo them...but if they decided to hit on me ... I wouldn't say no.

I imagine girls operate like this to some extent too, but are probably a bit pickier over it being female ....., so if you are not getting any attention from girls either improve your looks, or you are going to have to go around hitting on lots of girls until you find one who "wouldn't say no" ...and hope she doesn't flake out on the date due to lack of interest. Personally, I don't like this method and prefer to try and find girls who show some signs of interest before I go talk to them.
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 8
I would assume that girls like masculinity (confidence and strength), that's why they would rather have guys go after them. You can always try to step out of your comfort zone to get their attention, build rapport, etc.

But what do I know? I'm just shy, like you.
As a girl, there are hints we give every guy we like. From paying you more attention, to trying to sit next to you at lunch. They may be subtle but we only hope that you pick up on them. However, I'm sure you are aware that girls are also afraid to be embarrassed and shot down when they reveal their feelings. Truth be told we don't all have iron exteriors and it's embarrassing to put yourself out there only for your feelings not to be returned. Honestly I have never had a guy ask me out, I have however asked guys out because I got fed up of waiting around for them to build up the courage. So please don't worry. If a girl really likes you, she will tell you. But this approach can't be one sided. If us girls think you don't like us then we're definitely going to steer clear. Don't be afraid to drop some subtly hints either!
P.S. stay away from the dating information websites, their generalised jargon.


Posted from TSR Mobile
There are many reasons, I went to an all girls school and we had these conversations all the time as to why.
;
*Afraid of Rejection

*Some don't want to come across as desperate, as there is sometimes a stigma when a girl asks a guy out, they just want sex and doesn't have any self respect etc.

*Some think it's tradition for the guy to ask the girl out.

Not generalising, just simply stating the views of the typical conversations that we would have.
Original post by UWS
What research are you conducting? It's not a job/duty as such but if you like a girl, it makes sense that you'd approach them. In other words, they're not going to know you like them, they can't read minds.


Yeah, but us guys can't read minds either! It makes more sense if they give us proper signals that they like us, then we can take lead. To this date I've never gotten them signs and really struggle with finding girlfriends. :s-smilie:
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, but us guys can't read minds either! It makes more sense if they give us proper signals that they like us, then we can take lead. To this date I've never gotten them signs and really struggle with finding girlfriends. :s-smilie:


But why? See a girl you like, talk to her! You really have nothing to lose, it's either she likes you back or she doesn't. Sorted.
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, but us guys can't read minds either! It makes more sense if they give us proper signals that they like us, then we can take lead. To this date I've never gotten them signs and really struggle with finding girlfriends. :s-smilie:


Trust me, they still expect you to read their ****ing minds even when you're beyond the "talking" stage.
Original post by Sgt. Peppers
As a shy guy I am constantly disheartened at my research into getting a girlfriend that it's seen as the guys job to go after girls. Also, why do girls not show interest in guys the same as guys show interest in girls?


Because sperm are actively mobile. :bl:
Original post by UWS
But why? See a girl you like, talk to her! You really have nothing to lose, it's either she likes you back or she doesn't. Sorted.


I ain't cut for that ****, it feels desperate to ask out girls until I get a yes, I don't do that bs.
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous
I ain't cut for that ****, it feels desperate to ask out girls until I get a yes, I don't do that bs.


Then you'll be waiting for a while.

You're not even asking her on a date right off the bat. You're talking to her, get to know her interests, find out what she likes and just be normal man... ask her out later
Reply 17
If I see potential I will pursue a guy no problems. Clearly these girls just aren't interested in you
Original post by UWS
Then you'll be waiting for a while.

You're not even asking her on a date right off the bat. You're talking to her, get to know her interests, find out what she likes and just be normal man... ask her out later


****, your right. :s-smilie:

I've never really even bothered chatting to girls because I'm so stuck up with myself.
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
****, your right. :s-smilie:

I've never really even bothered chatting to girls because I'm so stuck up with myself.


Remember man, you're only talking to them casually first. Yeah you'll have to step it up eventually but it's pretty much like talking to anyone at first, get to know them and find out their hobbies, etc.. The hardest step is going up to them but after that you'll get used to it :smile:

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