The Student Room Group

Am I Bisexual or Gay?

This has been on my mind a lot lately and I need some advice.

As a kid, I had quite a few girl crushes and I never had a crush on a boy. I just assumed that I would grow up to be straight and eventually have a girlfriend. I did feel slightly different to the rest of the boys though, because I usually got on better with girls. I also liked female characters on films and TV etc. which I found odd.

It wasn't until I started puberty at around 12 until I started to become sexually attracted to men. I was confused by this because I knew that all of the other boys were having these feelings towards women. I noticed a lot of my male teachers, my friend's dad's or just adult men in general. There was a point where I told myself that I was gay but it scared me so much that I just tried to deny it.

It was at 14 that I told my parents and close friends that I thought I might be bisexual. Everyone accepted this and I was starting to feel more comfortable with my attraction to men, although I did start to question whether this identity was right because I didn't really have an attraction towards women apart from the odd crush, but it wasn't sexual.

Then, at around 15, I started to notice women a lot more when I was out and about and it was at this age that I was first aroused and got hard over a woman. She was my Maths intervention teacher. I was surprised by these feelings, but I did enjoy them. At this point I was sure I was bisexual, although I did question why I was only initially attracted to men.

So now here I am. I have quite a few female friends and unusually, I am attracted to none of them, although I'm not attracted to any of my male friends either. I've also noticed that I'm not attracted to any girls of my age although I'm attracted to the odd boy.

Thanks for reading and I'd really appreciate any responses because I'm feeling quite alone and depressed at this time. Am I bisexual as I currently identify, or am I gay and need to come to terms with it?

P.s. I saw a male same-sex couple recently and it made me really happy and I can really picture a future with a man more now, but I still have female attractions although they're just not as common or as intense as the male ones. What does this mean? Has anyone else experienced anything similar?
caalm dowwn u seemed to be tensed af :tongue:
there is nothing wrong u being a gay so what are u scared of ?
do whatever u feel like
u myt be attracted to female in a friendly wayy nd if your feelings are strongly intense towards males then you are bisexual and there's nothing wrong about it chillaax :smile:
I personally don't care about "labels". If I like someone, then I like them. I find some guys attractive, I find some girls attractive. I have preferences but wouldn't deny anything if the right person came along. Life gets so much less complicated when you stop trying to "identify yourself" and just accept that you like the individual. I do not for one minute believe that "straight" people have never once found themselves feeling some level of attraction to someone of the same sex, even if they don't want to act on it.
Great reply there from Greg. I would say you might only realise for definite when you have sex with a woman and then with a man, or vice versa. Until you've actually experienced having sex then there might be no other way of you knowing for sure.
I agree with both Greg and Markova21 ( hello !) , would it complicate things further to consider your gender identity as well ?
Reply 5
Sexuality is a spectrum, some of us are at the one end, some of us are at the other. The majority of us hover up and down this line, sometimes in the middle, sometimes a bit more one way.

Gay, Straight and Bisexual are all very definite and final terms, most of the time just used because it's easier than saying 'I like guys, but then the odd woman I like as well'. They're also labels that some people feel they don't fit into. And that's ok. It doesn't matter how you label yourself

I 'assume' you're young? It gets easier as you get older, you become confident in yourself and who you are.

My advice would be to not worry how you define yourself by your sexuality, that's irrelevant. Define yourself by other ways, your humour, your kindness etc. Once you take the focus off your sexuality and realise it's ok to fancy a guy one day, but fancy a girl another, you realise it doesn't matter.
Original post by Anonymous
This has been on my mind a lot lately and I need some advice.

As a kid, I had quite a few girl crushes and I never had a crush on a boy. I just assumed that I would grow up to be straight and eventually have a girlfriend. I did feel slightly different to the rest of the boys though, because I usually got on better with girls. I also liked female characters on films and TV etc. which I found odd.

It wasn't until I started puberty at around 12 until I started to become sexually attracted to men. I was confused by this because I knew that all of the other boys were having these feelings towards women. I noticed a lot of my male teachers, my friend's dad's or just adult men in general. There was a point where I told myself that I was gay but it scared me so much that I just tried to deny it.

It was at 14 that I told my parents and close friends that I thought I might be bisexual. Everyone accepted this and I was starting to feel more comfortable with my attraction to men, although I did start to question whether this identity was right because I didn't really have an attraction towards women apart from the odd crush, but it wasn't sexual.

Then, at around 15, I started to notice women a lot more when I was out and about and it was at this age that I was first aroused and got hard over a woman. She was my Maths intervention teacher. I was surprised by these feelings, but I did enjoy them. At this point I was sure I was bisexual, although I did question why I was only initially attracted to men.

So now here I am. I have quite a few female friends and unusually, I am attracted to none of them, although I'm not attracted to any of my male friends either. I've also noticed that I'm not attracted to any girls of my age although I'm attracted to the odd boy.

Thanks for reading and I'd really appreciate any responses because I'm feeling quite alone and depressed at this time. Am I bisexual as I currently identify, or am I gay and need to come to terms with it?

P.s. I saw a male same-sex couple recently and it made me really happy and I can really picture a future with a man more now, but I still have female attractions although they're just not as common or as intense as the male ones. What does this mean? Has anyone else experienced anything similar?


Gay, emotionally and sexually.
Straight, emotionally.

I'm the same so...
Reply 7
Original post by zippyRN
I agree with both Greg and Markova21 ( hello !) , would it complicate things further to consider your gender identity as well ?


Do you mean whether I have ever questioned my gender identity or what gender am I? I have never once questioned my gender identity and I am male.
Reply 8
Thank you everyone for all of the answers and support. I really appreciate it!

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