This has been on my mind a lot lately and I need some advice.
As a kid, I had quite a few girl crushes and I never had a crush on a boy. I just assumed that I would grow up to be straight and eventually have a girlfriend. I did feel slightly different to the rest of the boys though, because I usually got on better with girls. I also liked female characters on films and TV etc. which I found odd.
It wasn't until I started puberty at around 12 until I started to become sexually attracted to men. I was confused by this because I knew that all of the other boys were having these feelings towards women. I noticed a lot of my male teachers, my friend's dad's or just adult men in general. There was a point where I told myself that I was gay but it scared me so much that I just tried to deny it.
It was at 14 that I told my parents and close friends that I thought I might be bisexual. Everyone accepted this and I was starting to feel more comfortable with my attraction to men, although I did start to question whether this identity was right because I didn't really have an attraction towards women apart from the odd crush, but it wasn't sexual.
Then, at around 15, I started to notice women a lot more when I was out and about and it was at this age that I was first aroused and got hard over a woman. She was my Maths intervention teacher. I was surprised by these feelings, but I did enjoy them. At this point I was sure I was bisexual, although I did question why I was only initially attracted to men.
So now here I am. I have quite a few female friends and unusually, I am attracted to none of them, although I'm not attracted to any of my male friends either. I've also noticed that I'm not attracted to any girls of my age although I'm attracted to the odd boy.
Thanks for reading and I'd really appreciate any responses because I'm feeling quite alone and depressed at this time. Am I bisexual as I currently identify, or am I gay and need to come to terms with it?
P.s. I saw a male same-sex couple recently and it made me really happy and I can really picture a future with a man more now, but I still have female attractions although they're just not as common or as intense as the male ones. What does this mean? Has anyone else experienced anything similar?