Girlfriend had an abortion in her previous relationship

So I was out last night with my girlfriend and she was crying and told me that an old friend had said something to her. When I asked her what was wrong she opened up to me and told me that she had an abortion in October. The baby was her ex boyfriends. We are both 18 so this shocked me a lot. I appreciate that she has told me and is comfortable to tell me but I really do not know how to feel about the situation, I am also still a virgin and haven't really had a relationship before so I feel way out of my depth.

Can anyone give me an opinion on this. I'm not against the abortion giving her age but I just don't know how to feel about the situation. Thanks

Reply 1

999tigger

Original post by Tom Downey

If people have sex then theres always a chance a pregnancy could occur? It happened in this case and she made a choice that she needed to have an abortion. Its not one she made lightly and in many cases it would be a traumatic event. I expect she would like you to be empathetic and supportive as you are now her current boyfriend. October is still very recent. I'm not sure what feelings you think are appropriate other than empathy?

Reply 2

danuuutka

Original post by Tom Downey

I mean honestly, the best you can do is be supportive to her. You mentioned that you're a virgin, and so I'm guessing you haven't been in the situation where you've been like "s*** is she pregnant???", so I can understand that you've no idea how daunting that can be. Of course, you have to understand that what she went through is quite a mentally difficult thing. And the fact she got pregnant doesn't make her any 'worse' than what you thought of her before. Mistakes and accidents happen, it's really common, and clearly it was her choice that she did not want to follow through with the pregnancy and you have to respect that (not saying that you don't, don't worry). I guess you kind of have to accept that that happened in the past, and leave it in the past. It might be a bit of an uncomfotable topic, I understand that, especially cause you start thinking about the fact that she has been with someone else, but really, these things happen.

If you care for her, and if you really like/love her, this shouldn't change your perception of her at all. Like I said, just try to be supportive, if she wants to talk about it, let her, and if not, just leave it and carry on being happy with eachother! I understand completely if it kinda makes you down thinking about her having had been sexually active with someone else, it would to most people, it's the same for me. But all that matters now is you two - that is in the past, it clearly is something that distressed her quite a lot, and I guess there is a time in all relationships where all the hidden secrets come out, and that is it for you.

You being a virgin doesn't affect your ability to be empathetic, if you know what I mean :tongue:

just be supportive, because the worst thing you could do is flip out at her for something that was a terrifying experience for her, and for opening up to you about something that is quite a big deal.

All the best for both of you, and I'm sure everything will be alright once you've thought it through, maybe spoken about it, and once the initial shock has worn off!

Reply 3

Lemons1990

Just be there for her.

Reply 4

Tom Downey

Original post by danuuutka

Thanks! U may just be one of the nicest people on student room. Really appreciate that reply, thank you!

Reply 5

danuuutka

Original post by Tom Downey

Thanks! U may just be one of the nicest people on student room. Really appreciate that reply, thank you!

No problem! If you need someone to talk to/think it through with more, feel free to message me, as I can imagine how difficult this situation can be!

Reply 6

Vispilio

Tom Downey, don't believe in these brainwashed politically correct social justice warriors, in the vast majority of the world these losers would be considered psychopaths. That's how pathological Anglo-saxon culture has become through decades of social programming that men are always considered as second class citizens, guilty by default, and should exist solely to "support, empathize and provide for women". **** that **** man. Smell the coffee and wake up to your natural instincts.

Abortion is serious business, it almost always traumatizes and scars the woman for life. Decades down the line she will in all likelihood be still thinking about the baby she terminated, and the man that put the seed inside her. Such a vile act of defiance against nature, life and God will change her, almost certainly in a very nasty and bitter way. You gotta ask yourself, when there are so many innocent and lovely women out there, do you really want to pick one who has evidenced extremely questionable behavior first by getting pregnant in her teens, and then making the far worse vile mistake of refusing to give life a chance... Your call buddy...

Reply 7

larissagarcia

Wow, seems like we have a completely sinless saint person throwing away the first rock, who has never been vile at all... your simple answer talks more about the non-forgiveness or mercy that dwells in your heart. I wonder if that kind of judgement is the one God wants us to have. Remember we'll be judged just as we judge.
Breaking news: If you're looking for a saint non vile woman or man, you're doomed to be alone for the rest of your life.
"There is no righteous, no, not one" Romans 3:10-18